Glitter
by Mowgli In Flares
Summary: Does glitter ever loose its sparkle? Will Vince loose his sparkle when Howard falls in love with someone else? Vince realizes there is more to their friendship when he finds himself jealous of Howard's new love. Rating currently T and might change.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first Mighty Boosh story I have ever written, I hope you enjoy it and comment to tell me what you think. **

**Written in Vince's P.O.V and will probably change to Howard's a bit later on.**

**So here is the first chapter...  
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**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.**

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**Glitter. I should have realized dusting my bed with glitter would later have its downsides. I must have fallen asleep in my clothes face down on my bed since my boots were still on my feet and I had glitter stuck to my face and hair. I must have looked a joke, not that it mattered being 4:30am or that's what my alarm clock next to me was showing anyway. I never set the alarm to wake me up incase there was the chance Howard would let me have a lie in and then I would have woken up an hour or two earlier than necessary.

I pulled off my boots before tucking myself under the duvet. I looked at my wall, covered in posters of Mick Jagger, Gary Numan, Alice Cooper and then my photo of Howard and Me. The photo was taken back at the zoo and we both look truly happy, big smiles and thumbs up. I really should have worn a bit more make-up that day I look awful but on my particularly self-conscious days I cover up my face with a post-it note. Not that I tend to look at myself in that photo anyway since it's a little bit old now and I look quite different with my black hair so it has a different effect on me… like looking at a different person in a way. But I feel different. Things have changed so much since then. Good and bad changes. Good being we actually have our own flat above the shop. Bad because I loved that Zoo so much, we had such a great time there and it was the perfect place for me since the animals adored me and I could understand them. Mowgli in flares they called me back there. Anyway that has all gone now. All I have now is Howard, Naboo and Bollo. Well really it is mainly Howard since Naboo and Bollo are unresponsive most of the time with all the stuff they constantly smoke. Howard has been there from the beginning, when I dropped out of school he got me a job at the zoo and told me GCSE's weren't important. I've grown too attached to him. When he is in the room it's hard to think clearly anymore, not that I'm the best at thinking things through anyway but it's so much harder. I don't know why I like him so much, Leroy is constantly teasing me for the amount I talk about him and says "Do you love 'im or somethin'?". Of course I don't love Howard I just like to give people little Howard snippets since I'm trying to make other people see just how wonderful he is… like I do with Gary Numan. Well at least I didn't used to think I loved him anyway. This girl Louisa has just moved in next door. She's quite pretty actually for Howard's standards and amazingly enough she likes jazz and bookmarks. Howard was over the moon when she popped by the other day just to look at the jazz records, which haven't been looked at by anyone voluntarily (who hadn't been forced into looking at them by Howard) for months. She even seemed interested in Stationary Village!

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"Vince… Vince?" Howard nudged my arm. I was miles away placing Gary Numan tracks into a top ten of my favorites.

"Oh… erm yeah?" I answered a little annoyed at the fact I'd now forgotten which song I put at number 5.

"Louisa is coming by tonight… would it be ok if you…"

"If I what?"

"Made yourself invisible?"

"Invisible?!" Ouch that hurt a bit. "Howard, I was not made to be invisible"

"Your not exactly the kind of person that merges into the background, true."

That made me smile, at least I thought that was a compliment. Wait… back to the Louisa issue, I didn't want to leave the house since I wanted to keep an eye on them to interrupt anything that may lead onto other things…

"No, I want to stay in tonight and watch a bit of T.V"

"Why? You go out every other night, why stay in tonight and ruin my evening."

I wouldn't call it ruin your evening… more keep it under control. I could feel my cheeks beginning to burn. I was getting angry over this?

"Ruin your evening? What about my evening, your always telling me to stay in and give my liver a rest from the alcohol so why now are you telling me to go out and get drunk?"

"That's not what I meant…"

"It's not like you haven't ruined my evenings enough times…"

"Vince!"

"You and your jazzy friend Lester always manage to scare away anybody I bring home anyway with your attempts of charm and jazz trivia!"

"What the hell has gotten into you!"

"What the hell has gotten into me? What's wrong with you?" I spat. "It's not my fault you fall for anyone who shows you the slightest bit of interest!" Ok that was a bit harsh. I could see his face crumple and fall, he looked at me with hurt in his eyes looking to see if I truly meant what I said.

"I'll be upstairs." Howard recomposed himself with a glint of anger and sadness on his face before turning and walking out of the room.

Well done Vince. I couldn't help being my selfish stupid self. I acted like a child arguing over something pathetic. I could have done him a favor. I could have just stayed upstairs in my room, all he probably wanted was just for me to not blast loud electro music or do something that would embarrass him, (he's the embarrassing one not me!) That's all we tend to do now, argue over pointless things.

I made my way out of the room and started climbing the stairs. There was a knock at the door. I heard movement upstairs as Howard clambered out of his room. I dashed down the stairs to beat him to the door. I opened it as Howard rushed behind me wearing one of his horrifying brown patterned shirts he kept for best or to attract some woman he takes a fancy to.

"Hello Louisa." I grinned at her. I watched as she took in my appearance and funnily enough she didn't smirk at what I was wearing, she just smiled back.

"Hi, yes I'm Louisa, you must be Vince. Nice hair!"

Ok at least she had some sense of style. I ruffled my hand through my hair in response and I turned to face Howard who was now trying to push his way past me.

"Yeah thanks, basic back comb structure, some root boost and a cheeky fringe. Howard, stop pushing me I'm only saying hello!" he grabbed me by the waste and pulled me away "Get off me!" I hissed at him. "He's just worried you fancy me more than him" I called round to Louisa. I heard her laugh a little at my jibe. Howard glared at me and mouthed something that didn't make sense? 'Muck…? Duck…? Truck off?' Oh wait no I get it. I rolled my eyes and stomped upstairs "Nice to meet you Louisa, sorry we couldn't have had more of a chat." I said before disappearing behind a banister but still watching hoping they couldn't see me.

"Sorry about my annoying friend Louisa, he wont be here for much longer…"

"Why? Is he only visiting you?"

"No, I wish. After that performance he wont be alive for much longer."

Louisa laughed at his joke before Howard continued. "May I say you look absolutely beautiful tonight? With your face like a cream oval. Your nose like a delicious slope of cream…"

"Ho-o-o-w-a-a-a-r-r-r-d-d, shut up!" I called down the stairs. What an idiot, not only did he recite that poem about Mrs Gideon he just said it to Louisa's face… he owes me.

"What was that Howard?" asked Louisa.

"Vince!" He called up the stairs "Stop spying, I know you there!"

"Alright, but I really saved you there." I called down grinning.

"Whatever. He's dead I tell you." He turned to Louisa. I made my way up to my room.

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I'm sure if Howard continues like that I doubt there will be a second date. Well I hope not anyway… I wish I could be more positive towards him and encourage him but how can I when I… I can't even say it. It's too hard to admit to myself let alone tell him how I feel. I'm so spiteful all I do is drag him down and how does this make me think that it will give me a better chance with him if all I do is cause arguments. Surely that will just make him hate me? Oh dear. What's happening to me? I must be ill or something… since when did I have deep thoughts and think about changing my ways? Jagger help me! With that I ran into my room switching on my CD player and blasting music out as load as I could to drown out my feelings and thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello :) Chapter 2 is now here. It's a lot shorter than chapter one and is more of a scene really but I thought I would post it anyway and hopefully the next chapter should be longer. Please tell me what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do :)  
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"Vince!"

"No… go away… ten more minutes."

"Get up you lazy poof." Howard said in a voice which shouldn't be at such a high volume at such a time in the morning. He pulled back the covers letting the cold of the room eat away at me.

"Argh it's sooooo cold!" I moaned flinging myself off the bed, then ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror.

"Aren't you going to ask me how last night went?" He followed me in from my room, looking as fresh as a daisy already dressed and his hair was… well what he called presentable although it looked to me like he hadn't combed it in about a year it was also looking a bit long so I really should go at it…

"Last night? Oh yeah how did it go?" I said slightly sarcastically already predicting that it went badly while ruffling up my hair and squeezing some volume product onto my hands.

"Vince, don't be like that… OK well it went really well. Thanks to you." He said honestly. I would have expected some sarcasm, he sounded genuine. I looked away from my reflection in the mirror to face him… I needed to read his face, which happened to be grinning from ear to ear.

"Wha…what do you mean thanks to me?" I dropped my hands from my hair getting hair product all over my black pajama bottoms, damn it!

"Turns out she hates poetry. If I hadn't listened to your advice I would have read her a book of poetry of similes and metaphors which compares your lover to food. Can you imagine? 2 hours worth of food poetry only to find out she hates poetry, that would have killed me sir!" He looked pleased with himself as he nodded his head in content.

"Well… you know… I do have my good qualities… and I know exactly what girls want and how to charm them. I'm like a magnet… people just fly at me… even Louisa complimented my hair… did you notice that Howard? We sort of just clicked."

"Well unclick, I really like her Vince so please, please don't ruin this for me."

"Eurgh Howard as if I'd go for her, she likes jazz!" I suddenly realized how that sentence really didn't make sense since I liked Howard and… never mind. He smiled at that and ruffled my hair. "Howard! You've ruined it now!"

"Exactly I can't have Louisa attracted to you can I? Even if she only liked your hair."

"No your missing it Howard… when they say I like your hair it has a whole other meaning… it's sort of a code name for…"

"Sure, you keep on thinking that… she saw how annoying you can be so I think you managed to put her off… so thanks for that too! Oowww! Chika-chika!"

I rolled my eyes at his catchphrase.

"Listen, a few weeks it will be me she's after… not you!"

"You wish." He laughed and walked out the bathroom and began to scat.

I honestly meant that sarcastically. I honestly didn't mean for what I said to actually happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is finally up, sorry it took a while but I wanted to work out where to go with the story. This chapters quite a bit longer than the last two chapters so I'm proud I managed to write so much. Well enjoy and please review so I know what you think :D**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. I only own Louisa.  
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Weeks past and Louisa was spending more and more time hanging around the shop and was basically living with us except she slept next door since Howard wasn't ready to go to the 'next step' of their relationship or so he told me. But I think he was a bit nervous since he had never been that far with anyone before. I did tell him I could give him some advice but he just went as red as a tomato and told me he's sure he will be a natural. See I can be nice I offered advice. Why did I do that? Surely that's making it harder for me? Oh well he got too embarrassed before I could say anything.

I was sat on the sofa minding my own business just watching a few cartoons while painting my nails black when I felt two hands covering my eyes and ruffling my hair. There was me hoping it was Howard.

"Guess who?"

"Get off me you idiot, do you know how long my hair took me this morning? A whole 2 and a half hours!"

Louisa moved her hands then moved round the sofa shoving my feet on the floor as she sat down next to me.

"Do you mind? Have you any idea how hard it is to put nail varnish on without painting you hand as well? You walk in here as if you own the place!"

"Look Vince I wanted to talk to you…"

"If it's about the broken plates don't have a go at me for that… I was chased last night on my way home by a unicorn… huge he was… and fast… he managed to get inside the house before I could close the door and then headed to the kitchen head butting the plates… they went everywhere… I even ended up with a bit in my ear which gave me an earache so I couldn't sweep up the mess. It was awful."

"What plates? Anyway I wanted to talk to you about Howard's birthday." She rolled her eyes. What a waste of an excuse!

"Oh that. When is it again?" I'm such a bad friend, I'm awful with remembering peoples birthdays. I try writing them down but I just end up loosing the paper... I caught Naboo and Bollo smoking the last list I made.

"Next Friday."

"Oh right… yeah I was thinking a party with a load of our friends…"

"You mean your friends." She interrupted. "Howard told me about his last party. He really got upset by that y'know?"

Which bit of the party exactly? I don't think she knows about our 'moment' on the roof so it must be something else. "That's Howard, he's just very sensitive."

"Well I was thinking of doing something else this year." She wrapped her mahogany brown hair round her finger and I recognized her look as the one I used on Howard when I wanted him to buy me some sweets or let me off work.

"You mean hire a place out instead of having everyone round here? We could have like… one of those foam discos! That would be genius! I've always wanted one of those parties!"

"Yeah what you want not what Howard wants. I was thinking we spare him the party, you know how much he hates them." There goes my idea.

"But I'm sure we could convince him…" I could see it now… this time I'd be carried in by a golden ostrich… I'm sure Fossil would lend me one I could spray its feathers gold.

"Vince, I thought you were meant to be his friend!" Yes unfortunately that's all we are, perhaps if you weren't here it might be slightly different.

"Do ostriches fly?"

Louisa looked at me like I had something on my face.

"I don't know, who cares! You really don't care at all about trying to sort something out for Howard's birthday… something he actually wants to do!" She looked slightly… cute when she yelled at me. I needed to stop staring and come out with something decent to say.

"Alright but I hate to disappoint people."

"Vince!"

"Fine we will do your idea then." I wished I hadn't said that instantly.

"Oh thank you Vince! Thank you, thank you!" She leaned closer and threw her arms round my neck before kissing my cheek.

"You still haven't told me what you plan to do yet…"

"Sorry… there's some lipstick on your cheek…" She began wiping it off my face, her own face only a few inches from mine. Some how she had managed to end up on my lap when she threw herself at me. I told Howard I was a magnet! This was so cringey and wrong! No! No! No! This couldn't happen. It reminded me of one of those soaps at the start of an affair before the storyline unravels and absolutely everyone around them ended up hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not Howard. I felt her breath against my cheek, it might have been my imagination or something but I was sure her breathing was getting faster. Her blue eyes glistened as they looked into my own eyes while moving her face closer. This was ridicules she shouldn't be going after me… I know everyone else does but that's not the point. She has Howard. I would do anything to be in her shoes and for Howard to love me. Actually not her shoes literally… they were brown and not very nice but as in the saying. She had everything I wanted and by making a move on me throwing it away. I'd give it all up: the make-up, the hair and my fashionable clothes just for him to look at me the way he looks at Louisa. How could she give him up? Did she really want me instead of Howard? I love Howard more than I love my self (Yes I know!)! So why is she doing this! As she got closer I moved my face as far away as possible before we heard keys rattling in the front door. I swear she flew at that point, since somehow she managed to end up on the opposite side of the room before I could even react and consider who could even be at the door.

"Hello? You guys home?" I heard Howard call cheerfully from downstairs at the bottom of the staircase.

"Er… yeah Howard we're up in the lounge." Replied Louisa, ignoring eye contact with me. She stood in front of the mirror fixing up her scarlet red t-shirt and checking her lipstick wasn't smudged. Howard's footsteps grew louder as he reached the room, he peered round the corner smiling. My stomach seemed to sink at his happiness to see us, like there was a little man digging a hole of guilt inside my belly and if that wasn't enough he released the butterflies I always get whenever Howard enters the room.

He walked over to Louisa and planted a kiss on her lips. I could feel the motorbike of jealousy revving up inside me waiting for the little man in my stomach to finish digging the hole, I just wanted them to leave. But I deserved it. I saw Louisa quickly glance at me. I could tell she was loving this situation and believed she was making me feel jealous that she was now wrapped around Howard when seconds ago she was just as close to me. But it was Louisa I was jealous of, I wanted to be the one Howard's arms were around.

"Erm… I'll go put the kettle on." I said quickly, trying to distract myself from what had nearly happened. I stood up and walked out the room.

"Vince are you OK?" Howard called out to me seriously. Oh crap. I turned on my heels to face him. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Erm… yeah perfectly fine. Honest."

"It's just… since when did you make the tea? Not that I'm complaining."

"Well I was feeling guilty." Louisa glared at me.

"Guilty for what?"

Quick an excuse.

"For… erm… well I should help you more. You went out and did all the shopping, you must be exhausted."

"I never take you food shopping anyway… all you pick up is sweets and ice cream and a load of other crazy things high in E numbers."

"Anyway… I'll just go and… yeah." I quickly made an exit from the room.

I picked up the kettle and filled it at the sink before plugging it back in and switching it on. I rested my arm on the kitchen surface and leaned against it. I love attention, it's what I live for (and Howard). But suddenly I felt like I'd had enough. That things would be easier if I was a bit more invisible and wasn't so physically loud. Everything about me is loud from my hair down to my shoes. Even my face is loud. A loud face? Something Howard said to me once when we were arguing over what was better: Dressing like he did or the way I did or some other argument that involves us offending each other. Inside the living room I could hear the two of them saying sweet words to each other, I could picture them all over each other. Why did my brain want to torture me? Howard loved her. But she was happy enough to make a move on me. How did she do it so easily and not feel so guilty afterwards?

The kettle clicked which caused me to jump and bring me back to what I was doing. I picked out Howard's favorite brown mug from the cupboard and a white cracked mug which wasn't the nicest of things to drink out of. I poured the tea and plopped in some sugar. I carried in the two mugs into the living room where Howard and Louisa were snuggled up together.

"Awww thanks Vince. So tell me… what did you two get up to while I was gone? Not up to any mischief I hope." He joked. He could have said anything, why that? I felt my arms begin to tremble as my head began to spin. I lost my balance causing for the steaming hot tea to pour over the two of them as my hands flung into the air to stable myself.

"I am so, so sorry. I'll go get a cloth to dry it up. I am so sorry." I picked up the mugs as I regained my balance.

Howard's face was burning red and Louisa looked just as angry.

"Oh thank you very much! Nice trick Vince. I knew you making tea was too good to be true, everything always is with you!"

"Look Howard I'm really sorry!"

"Yeah, you always are and do you ever really mean it? 'Oh Howard I'm so sorry I couldn't open up the shop there was a sale on at TopShop' Who cares Vince! 'Oh sorry I couldn't be bothered to tidy up' What was with all the broken plates this morning? Who had to sweep that up? Me that's who."

"But I am sorry!" I could feel my eyes starting to sting.

"Yeah sure you are! You probably don't even care! Since when did you care about anyone else? When did you care about how I feel? The only person you care about is yourself and all that ever comes down to is hair and make-up! Who was the last straight man you met who wears lip gloss and dresses? You look like a drag queen!"

I felt absolutely crushed. I do care about Howard. More than he knows that's for sure. He thinks that I look like… a drag queen? I saw Howard's face soften as he realized what he said and looked as if he was about to take back his words. My tears broke away from my eyes and began to fall down my cheeks. There went my eye liner.

"So that's all it comes down to? That I'm not straight? Is it such a big problem if I'm bi?" I cried, my voice breaking. I felt like I couldn't breath.

"Vince, I really didn't mean for that to come out."

"But you meant it. I look like a drag queen? I'm sure you meant that too."

"No, I really didn't mean that."

"Why does it matter what I look like to you? You were always the one who told me that it didn't matter and I was starting to actually believe you. Should I believe anything you tell me? You promised me that we would live together forever and that you will look after me no matter what… but if that's the way you feel about me then how do I know that when you and Louisa feel ready to settle down you wont kick me out and leave me on my own. I don't want to be alone." I sunk down to the floor and covered my face with my hands as I sobbed.

"Vince you wont be alone. You've got Naboo and Bollo." Reassuring to know that I will have those two who are barely capable to have a conversation with. I cried even harder, I was right that he wouldn't be staying around much longer.

"Please don't leave me." I mumbled looking up to see his face covered in guilt.

"Your not the only person in my life now… I've got Louisa. I was set for a life of being single and never having a family, things have changed now."

I stood up. I couldn't bare this any longer. I felt ridicules sitting on the floor not getting any comfort just guilty glances from Howard. Louisa had her face buried in Howard's shoulder.

Louisa broke the silence. "For Howard's birthday… I asked if he would move in with me."

"But that's just next door… what's the point?"

"No what I meant was moving away with me. My Mum lives in France, she's very ill so I am moving out there to look after her. I don't want to leave Howard behind." I knew I wasn't invited. After what she did earlier I'm not surprised either.

"You little…"

"Vince!" Howard interrupted.

"She doesn't care about you! She's using you! She doesn't love you!" So much for him being nervous about going to the 'next step' of their relationship.

"Stop talking crap! Why can't you be happy for me?" Howard's pity for me changed into anger.

"Because she loves me." I cried at him. It was all I could say. I couldn't help it I just needed to make him realize it was all a mistake.

"Get out!" He yelled louder than I had ever heard him shout before.

I ran. My room had never seemed so far away. Going up the stairs felt more like climbing a mountain. I slipped on my way up falling down 3 steps and my knees smashed into the stair above my feet. I picked myself up and escaped to my room slamming the door behind me. I dived onto my bed. The picture of me and Howard stared at me. I punched the photograph that was still attached to my wall. I felt my knuckles click and pain surged through my hand. The beginning of the end for me and Howard. I let the tears continue to fall and buried my face in my pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello :) Chapter 4 now. Please review to tell me what you think so I know if people are enjoying the story or not. I got a bit stuck with this chapter but hopefully I've done it some justice.  
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**Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.**

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Ouch. I had just rolled over, managing to crush my injured hand. Not the nicest wake-up call. I looked over at my alarm clock, 7:32 am. My poor hand was thumping with the pain so I managed to sit myself up without using my right hand and put my feet to the ground as I raised myself from the bed. I glanced around my room and a photograph on the floor caught my eye. The same photograph I punched last night. Then everything came back to me, everything I had said and what Howard had said. Passing my full length mirror on my exit from the room I caught my reflection. I looked disgusting. Howard was right, I looked like a drag queen. My face was stained with eye make-up and my eyes looked like I hadn't slept in days. On my dressing table chair sat my black hoodie which I kept for when Howard refused to turn up the heating. Under the hood I could hide, so I pulled it over my head and pulled up the hood before leaving the room. I tiptoed down the first set of stairs down to the kitchen. In the kitchen I pulled out a box of Coco Pops, a bowl, milk and a spoon. I sat down at the little wooden table which was patterned with dried glue and glitter from the last time I tried to customize a bag. I put together my breakfast. I loved Coco Pops but right then I really didn't deserve them. I was worried the Coco Pops would take Howard's side and start beating up my insides. I pushed the bowl away and rested my head on my good hand propped up my elbow. What was I meant to do? Maybe this was the time to go. To pack and leave before Howard woke up. I didn't need to cause anymore trouble. I always cause trouble. I can't do anything right, I make a mess wherever I go. The people I have in my life I just push away and make things so much harder for them. Like Howard, he's always been good to me but I keep on ruining everything for him. Last night I tried to ruin him and Louisa. It didn't work but that's not the point. Maybe I should go before he kicks me out? My eyes started to sting again and my vision blurred with the tears. The sunshine kid never cries… so maybe that's not who I am. Maybe I've just been lucky and landed on my feet or should I say Howard every time so I've never had to see how bad life can be. If I go now I can save him seeing my tears, I'll cry alone. I could feel myself shaking. I felt like my throat was purposely closing in to stop me from breathing. I jumped when I felt something on my shoulder and movement next to me.

"H-h-h-oward?" I sobbed.

"What are you doing up so early?" Howard replied rubbing my back to try and calm me.

"I-I-I Couldn't sleep." I stuttered.

"Me neither."

An awkward pause. What should I say? I'm sorry?

"Howard… I'm so.."

"Don't Vince."

"But I am sorry."

"Look I know you are. I'm sorry too. I want to take back what I said." He lifted up my chin so he could see my face.

"What you said was the truth." My tears kept falling. I didn't want him to see me cry.

"No. Please don't believe what I said… I was angry and upset. I just wanted to hurt you so you knew how I felt."

"You want to hurt me?" I couldn't look him in the eyes. I looked down at the table away from his gaze.

"No I don't want to hurt you. I did last night but that's because you're so… immune to everything Vince, nothing fazes or upsets you… except the idea of going bald." As he said that I automatically reached for my hair under the hood.

"But that's where you're wrong. I'm not immune."

"Vince you couldn't care less."

"I've just always landed on my feet. I've not felt the way I did last night for years. But it's OK because now I've had a reality check."

"What do you mean?"

"You have opened up my eyes and I realize now. We can't stay like this forever."

"Vince you will always be my best friend."

"But that's not enough."

Howard stared at me with his mouth slightly open, his face seemed to go a little pale.

"W-w-what?" he stuttered. I had to think fast to get out of that one.

"I want to live here with you. I can't look after myself and you know that."

Howard looked a little relieved. But to me that was another stab.

"I thought you were going to say something else then."

"Hah yeah." I quickly looked up and tried to force a smile. I still couldn't look into his eyes so I quickly looked away again.

"Vince."

"Howard." I tried to copy his tone of voice.

"What was last night really about?" he said seriously, ignoring my sarcasm.

"You know what it was about." I put my face on the table.

"No. The way you behaved, I've never seen you so…"

"So what?" I prompted him to finish.

"Unlike you."

"Then you really don't know me."

"Your right, I don't know you anymore."

"Please, don't do this to me again." My voice broke as I looked up from the table, new tears falling down my face. I reached for his arm with my bad hand as he went to move away. "Arghh! Shit!" I winced as my hand throbbed with pain. Howard's face seemed to soften slightly as he carefully took my swollen hand.

"Ouch that looks painful. How did you manage that?" He said carefully turning my hand over.

"I… er… I punched a wall."

"Right." Howard looked at me like I was a freak. I was familiar with that look.

"Yeah."

"I'm sure Naboo can sort that out for you."

"Hopefully. Howard…?"

"Painkiller?"

"Yes please." Sometimes I loved how he knew exactly what I was going to say.

Howard went into one of the cupboards, only he knew where everything was. He came back with two tablets and a glass of water that he placed in front of me.

"Eurgh water!" I wrinkled my nose up at it.

"Well you can't take it with vodka if that's what you were hoping for."

"Thanks Howard." I smiled slightly. I was grateful and I needed to show it more. I swallowed the tablets and gulped down the water.

"What you said last night about Louisa…"

"I didn't mean it." I quickly said.

"I know… it was just a weird thing to come out with… she likes jazz."

"So do you…"

"Yeah exactly. From that alone I knew you were lying."

He really needed to stop stabbing at my heart.

"Mmmm… yeah. Howard…? Can I have a hug?"

"Course you can little man… go find Louisa." He saw my face drop. "Awww come here." He gave me a big bear hug, scooping me up and…

"Ouch!"

"Ops sorry hand…" he let go of the hug and patted me on the back. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"You go back to bed… your not much use round the shop with two functional hands let alone one!"

"Thanks Howard." I grinned.

In marched Louisa.

"Morning boys."

Somehow I got the idea that the word 'boys' was aimed more at me than Howard. She leapt over to Howard and kissed him full on the lips. I wanted to be her, I wished I could just bound over to Howard and kiss him. That there would be no worries and I could do it randomly just like she can.

Louisa winked at me when Howard's back was turned. She always ruined everything.

"Vince, I think I owe you an apology." Louisa began.

"What? Why?" I said. It probably meant I would end up apologizing but she can stuff that idea.

"That I've just stormed into your life and taken your best friend away." I felt a bit sick. She was being so cheesy it was unreal.

"At least you know that." I glared back at her.

"Vince, haven't you got something to say?" Howard interrupted my hold on the situation.

"No." I quickly walked out the room.

I heard Louisa's voice as I made my way up the stairs, "I tried. You are too good to him, he's had too many warnings. You let him walk all over you and he really doesn't deserve you. I'm sick of him already."

"Mmmm…" was all I caught of what Howard said.


	5. Chapter 5

Louisa has a point. I've given Vince far too many chances and he always messes everything up for me. I Howard Moon am not a push over, no sir! I don't want to appear that way to Louisa either. Time and time again I always have to pay for Vince's actions sometimes even literally like this one time when we ended up in an antique shop… Vince didn't get his own way so manage to push me into a cupboard of china, of course I had to pay for the damage. But it's me that always suffers. He and Louisa have their differences and it puts a strain on my relationship with her. They got along fine at first… but something changed. They just need their heads banged together to realize there is no point in hating each other. They should try following the Howard Moon way of life, forgive and forget. But maybe I have forgiven and forgotten Vince's actions too many times, maybe that's why I'm always being held back? I still have no idea what will happen when I move to France, I can't take Vince with me can I? I'd love to take him, he'd love it since he always loves going on adventures and another excuse to buy some more outfits to fit into the French fashions. It's too much to ask of Louisa, I can't expect her to let Vince stay with us. Not after today anyway, he always takes things too far.

Without Vince my life would be so easy, I wouldn't have to waste my time pulling us out of trouble. I could move to France and I wouldn't have to bring Vince along or worry about him. I'm in a trap and I really need to break out. I have a chance now to live a life with Louisa, something I never thought would ever happen. I can't ignore the history we have though. If it wasn't for me persuading Vince to leave school then I wouldn't be stuck in this mess. I should have just let him get on with it. Just because I left school with no GCSE's it didn't mean Vince shouldn't have tried. So can I really do this to him? It's not like Vince would think twice about leaving me though really.

My sweet lady Louisa is just inches away from me. Who would have thought this time last year, I Howard Moon would be sat with my arm around a woman that I love and who also loves me in return? Who would have thought I'd also have to make a choice between Vince and the woman I love?

"Darling? Is everything OK?" Louisa said, interrupting my silent thinking.

"Sure, I'm just thinking." I reply gazing out the window, the sun is beginning to set now. I haven't seen Vince since he walked out of the kitchen this morning. I'm thinking he might be still upstairs since I didn't hear him leave or anything.

"What about?"

"France."

"Me too. I actually can't wait to get away from here."

"…and Vince."

"Look stop worrying about him, he can cope on his own surely? He's got Rollo and Baboon here so it's not like he will get into too much trouble with them looking out for him."

"It's Naboo and Bollo. That's not the point I will miss him though."

"I miss my Mum but here I am in England. He'll cope and so will you."

"But me and Vince… we've got history."

"You'll make new friends. Anyway… I was wondering… would it be ok if my brother Rob came to stay this weekend? Just for a little while, he's been dying to meet you."

"Rob? Well OK of course I don't mind… but it's Friday today."

"I know… I spoke to him this morning and he said he wanted to visit… he suggested this weekend. Maybe he could come over tonight?"

Short notice but hey why not?

"Alright, go give him a call."

I sir, am already being walked all over. But that's part of love right?

VINCE P.O.V

I pulled my scarlet red curtains across my window. Since when did I start having early nights? Usually I'd be out in some club right now getting off my face on whatever I can find, but not tonight. Not tonight because I want to make a good impression. With pretty much everyone but Howard all I have to do to make someone like me is make sure my hair is looking perfect and I'm wearing some killer outfit. But not Howard, he appreciates things like me not going out and getting drunk. If I don't wake up the next day with a hangover we can usually go much longer without an argument.

I felt my heart pound as I heard footsteps outside my room. Had Howard finally come to see me? Maybe he was coming to tell me he's decided to get rid of Louisa and then maybe we'd got and celebrate?

"…yeah he said it was fine you coming to stay. Yeah I told you he'd agree but that's Howard he'll do anything for me." Nope that certainly wasn't Howard. Who's coming to stay?

"No its great here. Oh him? No he's not caused any trouble I can't handle… I'm grown up enough to sort out my own fights. Vince is nothing to be scared of… he's just some stick that even I'd have no trouble beating to a pulp." She seemed to cackle. I could see her now on a broom stick circling my bedroom door. She also seemed to be glowing green and had a costume change which included a black pointed hat. I didn't know if what she said was a compliment really.

"Hah! He's just some poof who dresses in women's clothes half the time… yeah I know! What an idiot! Alright well I'll see you in half an hour then yeah?" I think she hung up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello :) Sorry I've taken so long to update the story, I've been busy with revising for exams so writing the story has been lowered in priority right now (sorry :s)** **Anyway thanks to everyone who has left reviews, they are what keeps this story going so please spare a moment to tell me what you think so I can tell if people are enjoying reading this story or not. So here is chapter 6, enjoy !**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt.  
**

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Something told me I wouldn't like this person who was coming to stay.

I heard the door bell. Usually I run to the door because it's normally for me, but this time I knew it wasn't one of my mates. I decided that behind a banister would be the perfect hide out, I could just about see the door. Suddenly I felt like I was a kid again, being nosey and seeing who had come to visit and if it was worth coming down to say hello. Usually I did and would be center of attention as all the adults used to coo over me, but if it was the hair dresser I would usually lock myself in my room since my Dad hated me having long hair even though at that age I already had genius taste and knew exactly what looked amazing.

The man at the door was actually massive. He had a shaved head, was slightly spotty and just looked like an over-aged chav that never had the courage to say goodbye to his tracksuit and trainers. Louisa gave him a hug and he swung her round.

"Alright Louisa? Ah this must be…?" the guy spoke, his voice sounding like he had just swallowed a load of gravel.

"Howard. Hello… Robert isn't it?" Howard began. He sounded nervous but only I could tell that… you learn that from living with someone and spending pretty much every waking minute with them.

"Cool. Yeah you can call me Rob."

"Oh nice to meet you at last Rob."

"Yeah and you mate."

I decided I'd seen enough of this Rob guy and thought now would be a good time to disappear up to my room and think through my entrance.

Slowly I tip-toed up to my room. I'd shake his hand? Nod at him? Before I could get any further…

"Vince?!" Argh! "Come down here and say hello." Damn it.

"Er... Ok." I spun round. I slowly made my way back down the stairs.

He just stood there and looked me up and down. Was there shit on my face or something?

"Rob, meet Vince." Howard seemed to shove me into Rob.

"Vince?" He said, as if he was questioning that I existed.

"Erm… yeah that's me. Hello."

"Don't meet many Vince's do you?" Was he mocking my name?

"No. I'm unique just like my name." I sort of regretted saying that.

"Got that right." Obviously he'd seen me as some sort of freak.

Howard looked at me then back to Rob. We were just staring at each other. I could feel the tension building between us. Two complete opposites, just like me and Howard but he was another kind of opposite, a slightly further away opposite.

"So… who wants a drink?" Howard quickly said interrupting our little starring competition.

"Sure." Said Rob not letting his eyes leave mine. Suddenly a smile formed on my face… I'd been playing dot to dot with his spots in my mind. Some kind of childhood method I use to use to cheer myself up when confronted by a bully at school. He would have probably fitted in well with those types of people back at school. The kind that would pull your hair while sarcastically complementing it or chuck spit balls at you while you tried to do your work. One of the main reasons I had for leaving school. Then reality crashed down and I realized Rob was still in front of me.

"What's so funny?" he grunted. A pink snout formed on his face and a curly tail seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Nothing I'm just… yeah…" I quickly turned around and walked back upstairs.

I actually sort of ran. But I have this talent of running up stairs at such a speed while wearing heels. One of mine and Howard's games from after a night of drinking I still managed to win every race up and down the stairs and only fell about 3 times. Howard's results were a broken hand and he managed to snap one of the heels off one of my old pairs of shoes but it didn't matter too much.

I looked in the mirror, I really didn't look that bad and my outfit wasn't too outrageous either, just red skinny jeans and a black poncho. Usually when I wear a poncho it makes everyone around me also happy not just me, but it hadn't worked this time. I lifted it off over my head. Already I felt the paranoia and sadness rushing at me like a cold flannel. I wasn't used to being rejected so quickly, yes hanging out in Camden had been some sort of immunity to whatever other people thought of me. But this was something else. Rob actually might feature as a big part of my life at some point. Because if Louisa and Howard get… married then that would make me… What would that make me? I'm only Howard's best mate. Maybe I'd be Howard's best man. But that would be it. Nothing more than a friend. But I want to be so much more. I Vince Noir could have it all anyone and anything, everyone constantly keeps telling me. But they are lying. Every single one of them. Because the one thing I want I can't get. Howard. I can't have him. Howard can't marry Louisa. But he's happy with Louisa. Why can't Howard be happy with me?


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello :) chapter 7 has arrived! I managed to write this after I couldn't revise anymore so here it is. Thanks for all my reviews so far they mean a lot and give me a reason to keep writing. **

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.  
**

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I heard a knock on the door. I was really praying to Jagger that it wouldn't be any of our (well my) unwanted guests. I quickly closed my diary. Yes I know, Vince Noir finally decided to buy himself a diary but I cleverly disguised it as a scrap book of Punks from the past, complete with pictures and reviews. Howard would get bored of the first page so wouldn't dare read any further. I shoved the diary under my bed before sitting back down on the duvet.

"Hey Vince." Howard opened the door and peered his head round the corner.

"Alright Howard." I tried to hide my happiness over the fact he had come up to check on me.

"Is everything alright." Howard looked a bit worried. OK I don't like other peoples unhappiness but Howard was unhappy because he thought I was unhappy so that makes me happy over the fact that he's happy if I'm happy… too much work for my brain.

"Hah erm… yeah everything's great."

"Vince you've been up here ever since Rob arrived, it's very anti-social. What's wrong?"

"Brought back memories." I gazed at an empty drinks can lying on the bedroom floor.

"Memories? Of what?"

"School." I looked down at my nails, they needed to be topped up on polish. Well not just school... but I'm sure Howard would react slightly better to me telling him that instead of admitting my undying love to him.

"School?"

"Yeah." Howard looked at me, he looks really sweet when he's confused.

"Right. Did we go to the same school as Rob or something? He's older, was he in a year above us?"

"Er… no, he just reminded me of people back at school."

"OK…?"

"Well I didn't like school."

"I know but… I still don't get it…"

"That's why I'm up here. I'll come down once he's gone."

"Rob's staying for the weekend."

"No! You're joking me?!" I starred at Howard, who then ruffled my hair. I didn't mind, I had no plans to go anywhere tonight so I didn't bother complaining.

"Oh Vince, I don't know why your so worried. It will be great fun." He put his arm around me. The 'Don't touch me' rule had gone out the window. I could feel myself brightening up, it's amazing that all Howard had to do was give me a little cuddle and my worries just seemed to disappear. I snuggled into him, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Howard?"

"Yes Vince?" he looked down at me his eyes in contact with mine.

"You're not really going to France are you?" I made my best puppy dog eyes and held his gaze. His eyes flicked away.

"Erm… I don't know I've not decided yet." I felt myself fall a little.

"How come?"

"Because… I've got you to look after." I suddenly felt like a right nuisance, like a stupid little child always wanting their mum.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not the cleverest person I know."

"So you're saying I can't look after myself?" Howard's arm vanished from my shoulder.

"You can't even work the dishwasher or the washing machine."

"It's not like I haven't tried though." The worries built up again.

"When was the last time you tried and successfully helped me Vince?" he sighed.

"But… I…"

"Exactly. It's not like you could cope on your own anyway. You have no chance of getting a decent job, you have no GCSE's. I always end up looking after you"

"I'm not a child." I shouted and I felt my voice break too. Howard looked up at me, he looked a bit shocked but also… sympathetic. He pitied me? There was a long pause.

"Well then maybe it's time you grew up." He said it so quietly, I wondered if he had even said it. Slowly he stood up and left the room.

As he left the room it felt like my little world was starting to collapse around me. How could Howard romantically love a child, not an actual child that would be wrong and Howard wouldn't swoop to that even if he does have small shifty eyes... I mean sort of a childish adult. If that's all he could see me as then I really had little hope. My eyes began to well up. How stupid am I? Thinking for all these years that something could happen between me and Howard? I went and dived on to my bed. I cried into my pillow attempting to silence my sobs. I heard the door squeak open.

"Go away Howard!" I muffled not looking up from my pillow.

"S'not Howard." Gravel mouth had entered _my_ room.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Sorry I can't hear a word your sayin'speak up." I lifted my head slightly but I didn't turn to look at him. I didn't want Rob to see me cry.

"I said 'What are you doing in my room'."

"Just having a nosey. Oh and I heard someone crying, turns out it wasn't a baby after all."

"Please just go away."

"Howard just told me that you've got to get out of here." No he couldn't have done that, he couldn't have set Rob on me to chuck me out. That was harsh, he's right I'd have no chance of surviving. Surely this wasn't his way of making me grow up?

"W-w-what? I'm not leaving!" I finally looked round at Rob.

"Er... yes you are, I'm not sharing a bed with you. I don't trust your type who knows what you might do while I'm sleeping." Strangely that was a relief, I'm only being chucked out of my room not the flat. Normally I would have been quite offended if someone had said that to me.

"Why should I be the one forced into sleeping on the sofa?"

"Cos I'm the guest so I get to do whatever I want." Eurgh he sounded like a spoilt brat, the type of kid you would invite round your house after school that demanded their own way all the time or they would threaten to tell your parents.

"This isn't primary school!"

"Says the person in floods of tears. Listen, I really can't stand you. You're not funny or clever since your still in this room and haven't moved downstairs yet." What a lovely guy.

"I never had you down as the early night type of guy."

"No, but chucking you out of your own room does make me feel a bit better."

"Your twisted."

"Nah mate, look at yourself your twisted. Nobody in their right mind would dress the way that you do."

"I wouldn't be seen dead in that tracksuit. Anyway I'll have you know that my outfit is inspired by…"

"And what's in this arrangement for you?" That's it interrupt me. Arrangement?

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah what's going for you to stay with Howard?"

"He's my friend, anyway what's it to you?"

"Howard's an alright guy and I don't want some freak like you messing him around."

"If your worried about Howard being messed around then look to your sister." I stood up, he was starting to intimidate me hanging over me. I moved closer to the door.

"What are you on about?"

"She tried it on with me."

"Don't you dare bring my sister into this!" I swear he flew at me. I thought pigs couldn't fly? I suddenly found myself with my back against the wall and his hand tightly around my throat. I couldn't tell what hurt more my neck or back.

"It's true." I croaked.

"Don't talk shit!" his hand got tighter.

"Ask her."

"As if she would admit to that." Spit flew into my face. Lovely.

"Exactly, she's just like you. Can't admit you're wrong and think you know best." I should really know not to provoke people further while being strangled. Another hand joined the one round my neck. I could feel my head beginning to spin. I felt my legs turn to jelly and wondered if I would ever take another breath of air again.

Darkness.

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**Please review to tell me what you think... sorry for the cliff hanger but it seemed like a good place to start a new chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is chapter 8. I tried to upload it as quickly as possible since I figured the last cliff hanger was pretty mean. It's quite a lot longer than the last chapter. Sorry for all the angst by the way... I promise it will get better... eventually :p**

**Enjoy and please tell me what you think :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do.**

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I really thought it was the end. I felt sort of trapped in a dark room… but it was an OK sort of darkness. Like I was drifting off to sleep and I felt strangely relaxed.

"Vince. Vince mate. Vince!" I felt a slap to my cheek. "Stay with me." I just wanted to stay unconscious. He was still there.

"What's going on?" Howard! He was close now. Rob would leave me alone.

"I just came up and he was slumped against the wall." Rob playing innocent.

"Vince! Come on little man open you eyes."

I tried. I really did but my body just seemed to say no.

Earthquake! That or I was having some sort of fit.

"Thank god! Shake him again! Did you see that? His eyes blinked!" Howard sounded so worried but happy, I hoped it was because he thought I was waking up.

The weight lifted off my eyelids, but as soon as I opened my eyes I regretted it. The room span and the three faces looking down at me looked all weird and distorted.

Howard scooped me up in his arms. I held on to him as tightly as I could and buried my head in his shoulder. Howard lifted me up and carried me downstairs. If this was the kind of treatment I'd get every time I passed out it might become a habit. Howard took me through to the kitchen and put me on top of the work surface. He rushed off to the sink to get a glass of water before handing it to me.

"Here, drink this." I took the glass gratefully.

"Thanks Howard." I began drinking the water, my throat felt dry and sore from Rob's grip.

"What happened?" I knew it wouldn't be long till I had to start answering questions.

"Er… I…"

"Come on you have to tell me. It can't be that bad can it?" Rob stood in the doorway. What fantastic timing. I felt the colour drain from my cheeks. I avoided Rob's glare. Surely if I told Howard the truth it would mean Rob would have to leave? But would Howard believe me? He didn't trust me anymore, I knew that and it was my own fault because I've told a lot of lies. So any word that comes out of my mouth in Howard's eyes is unreliable. Vince the liar. The tears washed over me again. I covered my face with my arm.

"Please Vince, something's really bothering you."

Here goes.

"It was him." I pointed to Rob. Howard looked at me in disbelief.

"Vince. Now is not the time for jokes."

"It's not a joke, he tried to…"

Suddenly I was interrupted by Rob, it was inevitable.

"I wasn't going to say anything but since I seem to be getting the blame, I found this." Rob pulled a small packet of powder out from his pocket. Howard's face looked completely shocked and really disappointed.

"That's not mine!"

"You idiot." His voice was like daggers.

"I swear Howard, really!"

"Why should I believe that? What did you think you were playing at? You know how I feel about drugs."

"Please Howard, I'm telling the truth. Honest to Jagger."

"You lie and blame everyone else. How could you even have dared to blame Rob for this? I'm sick to death of clearing up your mess. It's got to stop."

"But Howard…"

"Oh all your cool Camden friends are on the stuff so that makes it OK does it? Well not if you're living with me, no Sir!"

"I didn't take it!" I shouted through my tears.

"Whatever, I've had enough. It all ends here."

"There's nothing to stop I'm not on anything!"

"I'm moving to France." He blurted before walking out of the room.

"Howard, stop! Please don't leave me, what am I going to do?" I jumped off the work top and barged past Rob, who was now smirking. Then Howard spun around, his eyes glaring at me.

"I'm sure one of your _real_ mates will take pity on you and let you sleep on their sofa."

"They aren't my real mates."

"Live that life you've always wanted, Vince Noir Rock N' Roll star." he mocked.

He picked up his chestnut brown coat from a chair in the hall way then continued down the second flight of stairs.

"Where are you going?" I chased after him.

"Away from you." Was the response followed by the slam of the front door.

I dropped to my knees and covered my face with my hands. A hand moved onto my shoulder.

"That's what you get when you try to grass on me." Rob snarled.

"You bastard! How could you?"

"You brought it on yourself, if only you had kept your mouth shut!"

"Howard will find out, I swear he will."

"Slim chance of that, your not the most trustworthy of people."

"But Howard always understands, me and Howard always work out in the end. We have a connection."

"A connection." Rob began to laugh. "What, some sort of special connection? That Howard understands and adores you? What a thing to say? Sounds like some tragic romance."

I felt myself blush.

"No…! No way! You actually do! Your going as red as a tomato!" The realization hit him, "Awww is little Vincey in love with Howard?" He laughed even harder. I stood up and looked at him before walking away up to my room. "That's it go and hide."

I wanted to turn round and punch his pig snout of a nose in. But I knew somehow I'd gain nothing but another injured hand and this time Rob might not spare my life.

I reached under my bed and pulled out my diary.

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It had now reached midnight and Howard was standing in the door way of my room. I looked a mess, my face was still damp from crying. My face was smudged with make-up and I just wanted to be alone. As much as I wanted to see Howard and try to make him believe me, I knew that Howard really couldn't give a damn anymore.

"I'm leaving first thing tomorrow. I've booked the tickets everything's sorted." He broke the silence.

"I don't want you to go." He just ignored me.

"I've spoken to Naboo, he says he's not sure if you can stay here without me. He says he needs the rent and he doesn't believe you will keep up payments." I have no home.

"W-what about me?" I stuttered.

"I went round Leroy's, he says you can stay with him." Not exactly paradise in Leroy's leaky old flat.

"Oh."

"I've sorted it out for you and all you can say is 'Oh', so ungrateful."

"I am grateful but I'd be more grateful if I could just stay here. I don't want you to go."

"Hold me back!"

"No Howard! You don't get it do you?"

"Get what Vince?"

"I don't want you to go!"

"You should have thought about that before you…"

"For the last time I didn't take the coke! It was Rob, he planted it on me after I began to tell you what happened." Howard said nothing, but his eyes told me to continue. "We got in an argument upstairs, I said some things I shouldn't and I regret it now."

"What did you say?" he said it quietly to begin with.

"It doesn't matter but he…"

"Vince! What did you say!?" he shouted at me so loudly my ears were hurting.

"I told him that Louisa tried it on with me. But that was ages ago."

"You bitch." He spat at me.

"I'm sorry."

"How could you do that to me? You know how happy I am with Louisa! Why do you always have to ruin everything?"

"But it was her not me!"

"Stop telling lies!"

"I'm not, I'd never do that to you, you mean so much to me. Why would I risk loosing you?"

"You're so good with words. So good with everything, your always better than me and this one thing I thought I'd achieved someone who loved me and now you tell me you love her!"

"Howard I don't love Louisa!"

"That's what all this arguing with her was all about, it was just put on to hide what was really going on." Howard was crumbling to tears now.

"Just listen to yourself! Nothing happened between me and Louisa! I used it to wind Rob up! How could you even think that I would ever do that to you, I know I've messed things up in the past but the one thing I've always tried to keep together is us. You and me. Because I know I can't carry on without you, we are like Ying and Yang, Vince and Howard, Howard and Vince. We just work well. I have tried so hard to not be jealous of Louisa but I can't help it because I… I…" Howard looked up at me, tears falling down his cheeks. He looked at me like I had just slapped him across the face.

"No." He just stared at me.

"Howard I know it doesn't seem like it at times but I… I… lo…" I felt like I couldn't breath, that Rob's hand was back around my neck.

"Don't say it." He mumbled.

"But Howard!"

"Please don't do this to me." He turned around and walked out the room. Like he was in some sort of trance. But not a Jazz trance. A shocked and confused trance. I wished it was a jazz trance, that way we could have had a little joke and it would lighten my mood.

There I had said it. Rejection. How was I expecting Howard to react? Probably that he would admit the same and then we would kiss and make up. My life is not a movie or soap opera, of course that wouldn't happen. Now what? Sit and mope around? I don't mope. I can't mope, that's not my image. Why the hell do I care so much about my stupid image? The image that always gets me into trouble wherever I go. Couldn't just be normal like everyone else. Had to be different, always had to try and be better than everyone else. The Camden crowd move on, but I never thought Howard would. Why try to impress the people that will ditch you when they decide to change their image when you have the best friend you could possibly wish for always at your side. I never deserved Howard.

I walked over to my full length mirror. But when I looked at the reflection it wasn't me standing there. A scruffy haired monster stood there glaring back at me, blood shot eyes, a frown and a down turned mouth. A freak. I looked again and realized that the freak was me all along. A stupid clown. Someone who always looked in the mirror but never looked close enough to realize they were changing. For the worse. Yet I use to adore the freak that stared back at me. Just because I did didn't mean anybody else would. Howard wouldn't. Howard.

I moved away from the mirror and sat back down onto my bed. I reached under my pillow and found the photograph I'd hidden away. A blonde haired me and happy looking Howard smiled back at me. That was me. The me I wanted to be. I wanted to go back to those days. Howard liked me back then. What had I done?

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**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Jo xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm so so sorry this chapter has taken so long to upload. My internet has been playing up so I haven't had the chance to upload the new chapter until now. Thanks for the reviews :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding do :)  
**

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**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

This is me running away, no... moving on. Vince couldn't have meant that... he just wouldn't actually say something like that and mean it. That's just not Vince. But Vince has been changing so what am I meant to believe. I just can't stay at that place any longer. I know things just wouldn't be the same again. It would be awkward. He's forced me away. Maybe that's what he wanted, he knew I'd run a mile if he said something like that to me, so he's won. He should be happy, he's got what he wanted.

I'm out of the trap that was my life. I've finally got rid of Vince. Serves him right. It's about time he faced the consequences, so why do I feel like I'm punishing myself? I thought walking away would be so easy, but I nearly told Louisa I was staying at the Nabootique until I realized that I was letting her pass me by if I did that. It's taken long enough to find someone so lovely as Louisa, I have very few chances of finding someone else like that. A woman like that. I tried so hard with Vince but he is constantly changing so it just doesn't work anymore. I remember a few years back in the zoo, he was one of the most lovely people I'd ever met and I really enjoyed being around him because he made me happy. But now every time I see him we end up arguing over stupid little things and they always finish the same way with either one of us storming out. Only just now has Vince actually started crying, only recently I saw him cry for the first time. But that was because of me… I made Vince cry. I still feel guilty for it but sometimes I just can't help taking things out on him, it's not like he doesn't do the same though.

"Howard?" Louisa chimed, "What's wrong, you haven't said a word since we boarded the plane."

Yes, I'd done it. Got on a plane to Paris. Possibly the best thing I've ever done, maybe the worst. I had no plans to go back anytime soon as we booked a one way flight.

"Sorry just a bit tired, the early start and everything." We'd left at 3:30 am and we were now on the 7 am plane. I was torn over whether or not I should wake Vince up. I couldn't bring myself to do it, he looked too peaceful and also I didn't want to say goodbye as it would have been too sad. No matter what our terms where it would have still been difficult.

"Your thinking about him again aren't you?" Louisa sighed.

"Erm… no, just Paris."

"Howard Moon I know you too well, your thinking about Vince again. You know it was the best thing to do, don't you?" That's what I kept trying to tell myself.

"Yeah, I suppose so. I didn't say goodbye though."

"He would of only kicked up a fuss and made it harder for you, you know what he's like."

"But I should be there for him, I've always been the one to look after him and from time to time he looks after me."

"It's time he grew up."

"Yes I know, but maybe I'm not ready to say goodbye to him just yet."

"Howard, listen to yourself!"

"Look OK I'm sorry I wont talk about him anymore."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

We sat nearly the whole plane journey in silence. Well done Howard Moon, great start.

**VINCE'S P.O.V**

7:38 am. My stomach was rumbling like some sort of African tribal drum so I clambered out of bed and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I filled up the kettle, flicked up the switch and pulled out 2 mugs a light brown and a glittery purple. It's funny how well a mug can sum you up. I popped 2 slices of bread into the toaster and opened a can of beans into a saucepan. I'm not the worlds greatest chef so all I can really cook is baked beans on toast, Howard's a great cook which tends to surprise people. Howard makes this really nice soup, it takes ages to make but it is a great remedy for a hang over. The kettle clicked so I put a tea bag in each mug before pouring in the water and milk. Then out popped the toast, which scared the hell out of me. I looked over to the beans that were cooking away, they smelt a bit… burnt. I really was the worst cook ever. I pulled out a nutmeg brown tray. I served up the beans on toast and placed the mug of tea onto the tray. Surely breakfast in bed would ease the tension. I picked up the tray and carefully made my way up the stairs, careful not to drop anything. I reached Howard's room. The door was closed so nervously I knocked at the door.

"Howard?"

I waited. Nothing.

"Howard? Look I'm really sorry, please talk to me? Tell me I can come in? Please? I've made breakfast, I know I'm not a great cook but I managed not to set fire to the kitchen I promise." Still no answer. Maybe he was thinking about what I said last night?

"Please Howard, you must be awake by now it's 8 am and I know the latest you ever wake up is 7:55, not that I spy on you or anything."

Right he was really annoying me by this point, I'd made breakfast and everything. He couldn't still be mad? I really hoped not, hopefully he had forgotten but Howard's like an elephant he never forgets.

"Howard the teas getting cold. Look I'm coming in now you ungrateful…" I said as I opened the door and made a few steps into the room.

"Howard? You cheeky bugger where are you?" I put down the tray. How embarrassing, he hadn't even been here all along. Unless… I walked over to the wardrobe ready to swing open the doors and tell him he was crap at hide and seek.

"Look come on out… I've got food." I reached for the doors and flung them open.

"Howard?" What the hell? Not only was Howard not in the wardrobe, his clothes weren't either…

"Howard, this isn't funny anymore I'm bored and a little worried that someone's taken your clothes… not sure why yours have been taken and not mine since mine are so much nicer." I spotted an envelope on top of Howard's pillow.

Oh… please no.

I raced over to the bed and sat down on top of the stripy brown and white duvet, swiping up the letter in my hand and tore off the envelope.

_Dear Vince,_

_I assume you may have realized after I'm guessing several days after I went that I am gone. (sorry, that sentence probably didn't make much sense but as you know English never was my strongest subject.) Well I've finally got something to live for in my life and I really hope you can be happy for me. I know you will go far too in life, I'll look out for you on MTV over in France, I'm sure you will be a global superstar. I've never really had many dreams until now, so now I'm finally living it and you should do the same._

_I know things haven't been great between us recently and that's as much my fault as it is yours and I'm sorry. I realize now whether you meant what you said last night or not that maybe I meant more to you than I realized, so if this hurts you I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you but you know I like women and being with you would be… just really weird. But I do love you, in a friendship sort of way. But I've got Louisa._

_I know I didn't have the courage to say goodbye but I knew you would protest and make it harder for me. You looked so lovely while you were sleeping and that's how I will remember you and along with all the times at the zoo. We had some great times at the zoo._

_Vince, now that I have gone don't forget that I still care about you and I'm really going to miss you. You will be better off without me, you can go and do something with your life now, go find someone you truly love and please don't confuse that with me because as much as I love you – as a friend, there is someone out there who will genuinely love you from your precious raven black hair, capturing aqua blue eyes, strange yet 'genius' sense of fashion to your beautiful charming nature. There is so much to love about you so don't loose you sparkle because one day you will get the person you deserve, not somebody who constantly puts you down and argues with you. You deserve someone better. Your not ugly, a drag queen, an idiot, a clumsy fool, a stupid fairy or a self centered bitch. You're Vince Noir._

_Love Howard_

_XXX_

_P.S Have a great life._

He had left me. Forever.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm on a role now with writing this story :) **

**Chapter 10, I hope you enjoy reading it.**

**Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt.  
**

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**VINCE'S P.O.V**

My eyes opened reluctantly. Another day. 3 months he had gone. What had I done since?

Naboo and Bollo were in shaman jail after Bollo gave nits to the head shaman's wife. The Nabootique had since closed and I hadn't even been there to close the shop for the last time. Naboo managed to employ someone else to sort that out. The shop and flat got repossessed and I ended up living with Leroy. Not that I really saw Leroy much anymore. I'd been using his spare room, I had everything I needed there and anything else I wanted was in the fridge or just a click away by using the supermarket delivery service. Leroy even began to worry at one point so called the doctor to come round to visit. I just locked the bedroom door till he left. I knew what was wrong with me, I didn't need a diagnosis. I had a broken heart and that's all there was to it.

I'd given up calling Howard, I only wanted to hear his voice but he wouldn't even answer my phone calls or reply to my texts. I had to give up since I couldn't afford such a high phone bill with no job, I was scrounging off Leroy enough already. Apart from that nothing else really happened. I would wake up, if I fancied some food I would venture downstairs, maybe bump into Leroy where he would lecture me on things like finding a new job, getting out more and hint at making me pay rent. It was something similar every day and in response I'd just nod or ignore the fact he was even in the same room. My friends stopped calling and Leroy told me one morning that rumors were going around that I'd chased Howard to Paris where we had gone and got married then adopted 3 children. I really longed for those rumors to be true. Someone else's joke was really what I wanted in my reality. I don't cry as much anymore. I'd spend hours a day sitting in my room wrapped in my duvet holding the zoo photograph to my chest and sobbing my heart out. Now I sort of just cry every other day. An improvement in my eyes but I felt like I was just an empty bean bag, just a shell. I was even loosing my emotions.

Howard had been my life since I was about 14? Maybe younger. But Howard was the center of my life, I just revolved around him. Now the foundations had gone I was just on my own. I had Leroy but we were barely even on speaking terms. I was so absorbed in my own pity. I tried to make things better. Even going to TopShop was scary since I had barely stepped outside for 3 months.

I flicked the switch on the radio to take away some of my stupid self indulgence. Sometimes it helped.

_Believe me when I tell you that  
__I never want to see you again_

_  
And please can you stop calling_  
'_cause it's getting really boring__  
And I've told you I don't want to be friends…_

Lily Allen's voice chimed through the radio, I reached for the dial for something less… well something that didn't relate to me. How she could sound so careless and bouncy as she sung those lyrics, while it made me feel more and more pathetic.

_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time.  
_

I don't even know where he lives now. My dreams just repeat that night when I told Howard exactly how I felt. His face and reaction replayed just like a stuck record. I missed my happy dreams of faraway lands where everyone loved Gary Numan and the world was made of sweets. Instead I'd wake up crying every day, regretting everything.

That was enough music for today. I switched off the radio.

Not even listening to Gary Numan made me feel better. Probably just worse as it reminded me of times when I was happier. I didn't want to be reminded of how far I'd fallen.

**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

"_I'm incredibly sorry Mr Moon, but Mr Noir was unable to make it out the flames alive."_

It was the dreams like that which haunted me and caused the most worry and regret over leaving Vince. The dreams were repetitive but occasionally changed, sometimes he'd be hit by a car while walking home drunk, other nights he'd been murdered by the hitcher thanks to me not being there. Tonight it was either the hair straighteners had been left on or the kitchen fire where he's burnt his dinner. I knew one of the two was coming. The dreams always ended in the same way _"I'm incredibly sorry Mr Moon, but Mr Noir was unable to make it…" _and every time I'd wake up to Louisa asking me what was wrong, then I'd cry and she would hold me as I cried myself back to sleep. She put up with so much from me it was no wonder she began to change. Suddenly she wouldn't comfort me when I had those nightmares and every time I mentioned Vince she would snap at me and insult him. I'd lay awake at night wondering if Vince had read my letter and how he had reacted. He'd move on, just like the way he changes his fashion. He's adaptable.

The endless texts and voicemails had built up until one day they just stopped. I never replied to a single one and every time he tried to call me I just ignored the endless ringing. I felt so cruel, but what else was there for me to do in order for him to get the message. It wasn't easy. It was so tempting to answer his calls for just one time to see how he was doing but Louisa would always glare at me every time I reached to the phone to answer the calls. She nearly forced me into changing my number but I managed to make her believe it was a bad idea. I must admit I was worried when the phone calls stopped but then I realized Vince must have got bored by that point and had met someone else. That's what Louisa assured me of.

It was exactly three months since I'd left Vince. It was also Louisa's mum's birthday so we went round to celebrate with the rest of her family. I didn't really feel… accepted into Louisa's family. I just got bad vibes and I was sure every time my back was turned I was getting dirty looks from them all. I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. Half the time I was an outcast of all the conversations. They would go on about the past, anything I had no involvement in. As the night moved on after everyone had had a little too much to drink things started to unravel. I couldn't drink as I was driving and I have trouble enough as it is remembering not to drive on the left hand side of the road when sober anyway.

"So Howard, how do you feel?" slurred one of Louisa's uncles who I believe was called Pierre.

"Erm… fine, a little left out that I'm the only person here still sober…"

"Fine? You shouldn't be bloody fine."

"Pierre, stop please, he doesn't need this." Interrupted Louisa's aunt Anne.

"He doesn't deserve to be a free man, he deserves to be in jail."

"Erm… would someone explain what he's on about?" I asked completely confused.

"You killed my daughter you prick!"

"W-w-what?"

"Howard, I think we should go he's had too much to drink." Louisa said desperately.

"Look I can deal with it don't worry." I tried to assure her but she had already picked up her brown tweed coat and put on her shoes. "Fine, Ok well I'll see you all soon."

"You better stay away from me, I never want to see you again and if I do I'll rip your head off, you here me?" Anne pulled Pierre by the arm and took him out to the kitchen where he carried on shouting.

"Louisa, have I done something wrong?"

"No, look it doesn't matter." She snapped.

"Please, just tell me." I asked quietly.

"You don't want to know Howard."

"Really?"

"No, now lets get out of here."

With that we left.

"I'm so, so sorry about that." Said Louisa when we got home, she was sat next to me on the sofa as we watched some French T.V.

"No worries."

"You know I love you, don't you?"

"Of course, and I love you."

"You just seem so distracted all the time."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry."

"I know you miss him." Louisa never said Vince's name.

"Yeah, I do."

"A lot?"

"Yes, you have no idea."

"You and him… you know I…"

"What?"

"Well you were together for so long, how long?"

"Since school, this is the longest I've ever been away from him."

"Woah. Were you and him ever…"

"Ever what?"

"No… no nothing."

"Go on."

"You know he adored you didn't you?"

"Is this what all the moods have been about?"

"Sort of, but you knew didn't you?"

"What makes you think that?"

"The calls, texts and voice mails? The way he used to look at you and whenever you walked into the room he sort of… lit up I guess." She had actually noticed?

"Oh."

"Well I want to say I'm sorry for separating you, it wasn't fair. I'd totally understand if you didn't want a future with me, I really don't deserve it." Suddenly tears welled in her eyes, she looked so… sorry?

"Yes you do."

"No I really don't, you don't understand I'm such an awful person."

"You're not awful, I love you."

"But…"

"Marry me." I really wasn't meant to blurt that… but I loved her enough so… yes I meant it.

"What?" her face lit up and she wiped away her tears.

"I said marry me."

No going back now.

* * *

**Never Gonna Happen belongs to Lily Allen**

**I Miss You is by Blink 182 :)**

**Please review :D xxx  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11. Please leave a review to tell me what you think :)**

**Disclaimer : The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.  
**

* * *

**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

OK I did propose very quickly, but I didn't want to lose Louisa. Everything just slips out of my hands if I wait around and I didn't want to let her go.

The day I'd been waiting for, for months finally came. It had taken so long to organize yet all the preparations had been a blur. Most of the time I was happy the big day was taking place, other times when I thought of Vince and wished that he would be attending and standing at my side… as my best man of course. I just wished he was there. I had Rob as my best man. Rob moved out about a week after I left, he tells me. I didn't know anybody else who I could ask so he had to do. I didn't need anyone else because it was mine and Louisa's special day. I could spend the day in somber isolation with her if need be, all that mattered was Louisa. Friends and family weren't important to me right now… except the obvious. The moment I had been waiting for. I always imagined a few years back that Vince (if I was to ever marry) would be my best man. He would have dressed in some strange brightly coloured alternative to a suit but still manage to look fantastic. Instead stood at my side was Rob in a rather plain looking black suit.

"You can do this mate. Make my sister the happiest girl in the world." He held my left shoulder and shook me, in a friendly way not aggressively. I guess it was his way of showing support. I really didn't want him there. It was wrong. A certain raven haired electro poof should be in his place. Sure Rob had made the journey over to France to be there, but it just wasn't the same.

"Look Rob, I really appreciate you being here today but I…"

"Nonsense mate, you know it was nothing. I've wanted to do this, you have no idea how much." Was that a smirk? He saw this as nothing? Vince wouldn't have seen this as nothing he would have probably been as excited as me… if not more. Vince's best man speech probably would have had everybody in fits of laughter. He'd of been amazing.

The music began interrupting my Vince filled thoughts and Rob went to sit down.

I was so nervous, I wondered if I would even be able to speak a word. Everybody gasped and 'awww'ed'. I turned around to see Louisa making her way up the isle. She looked so beautiful, her mahogany brown hair had been curled and creatively been pinned back. The dress was stunning, it was floor length, strapless and had some embedded type jewels dotted around. Behind her stood Louisa's youngest cousin Lily who was also dressed in a cute white dress and in her hand were lilies to match her name.

Then she was at my side. I reached out for her hand, but she seemed to avoid my hold. Maybe she was nervous? She wasn't having any second thoughts?

The vicar began to speak. I couldn't pay attention.

I felt myself begin to sweat. What if I was rejected? What if I deserved it? Maybe this was karma for when I rejected Vince? What if she doesn't love me anymore? My thoughts circled. I briefly paid attention.

"Does anybody present here today know of any reason as to why Louisa Wallace and Howard Moon may not be joined in holy matrimony?"

Silence.

"Murderer." It was a male voice. The congregation spun round, I did too.

I looked to Louisa. She avoided my glance. It was uncle Pierre again, I think. I put my hands on either side of Louisa's face to force her to look at me. She looked down at her feet.

"Louisa?"

She just ignored me and turned away again.

"Is there something I should know?"

Nothing. Surely she wasn't… she couldn't be a…?

I heard voices from the direction of where I assumed Pierre was causing trouble.

"…No I will not shut up! Don't you dare tell me to calm down. I will not let my niece wed the murderer of my child. He needs to pay!"

I understood at that point it was me who was being called a murderer. Why wasn't Louisa reacting? She was just stood still staring at the ground.

"My daughter is dead because of him! I'm watching this, I wouldn't miss this for the world. If justice couldn't be met in the form of prison then this is little compensation, but it's something. Jilted at the alter Moon, how about that?"

"Louisa, tell me you don't know what he's talking about… Louisa? Please talk to me. Stop ignoring me."

Pierre stood up.

"Stop messing around Howard, you know what a careless murderer you are."

"I-I-I have no idea what your on about." I stuttered. Completely stunned. I sir am not a murderer.

"Thanks to you my daughter was run down. My Clara wouldn't run out in front of a car, she knows better than that. She was intelligent, she had such a great life ahead of her. Straight A* student and what a waste of a young life. She was 16. Just 16, she wasn't ready to die yet. But of course that means nothing to you, you heartless bastard!" he screamed, pointing at me.

"Oh my god." Then it hit me. Ten years ago, driving home after a meal with my family I decided to take a short cut through the town center. A group of girls a few meters ahead of my car stood on the pavement, they were waving. I remember wondering why girls who looked so young were out this late on a Saturday night. I also wondered who they were waving to. Then it all became perfectly clear. She appeared from nowhere. She just ran out and I swerved my car to avoid her, but I was unlucky. It was such a blur that the next thing I knew I had collided into a tree. Then there was darkness. I remember Vince when he came to visit me in hospital, he told me about the girl who was seriously injured. I remembered him attempting to explain her injuries, there was something else he needed to say but I was already in floods of tears and could barely breathe over what I had done.

"_Howard, I am so, so, so, so sorry, but…I…" _I just remember silencing him as I clung on to him, just wanting to forget what had happened. My injuries weren't serious at all just a bit of concussion. CCTV covered the whole accident proving that I was innocent and had little chance of avoiding her.

"You remember now don't you." I nodded.

"I-I-I'm s-s-so so sorry." Tears blurred my vision.

"How the hell do you think I could ever accept your apology?" he spat.

"There's nothing more I can do! If I could change everything I would, I'm not proud at all and I have never lived it down." It still haunted me whenever I drove through town. I would just crumble, so I avoided it at all costs.

"Well done Louisa sweetheart. I knew you could do it. Wasn't it worth it? Justice at last." Called out Pierre, before laughing hysterically and sitting back on his seat.

"Tell me you knew nothing of this." I turned and put my hands on her shoulders looking into her chocolate brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry Howard." She wiped away her tears still staring at the floor.

"I can't believe that you… how could… you didn't? Did you?... Was this a-a-a…"

"Yes, we planned it." She answered all my questions. Not all but the main one.

"No." I said with utter disbelief.

"But you don't understand… I began with the intention to do this today, that I'd ruin you. That I wouldn't love you, it would all just be for revenge."

"B-b-b-but I loved you!" I sobbed.

"I do love you Howard. I realized early on what a great man you are and how you could have never hurt anyone on purpose and didn't deserve to be torn up like this."

"So why am I standing here? Why have you done this to me?"

"Because… I really do want to marry you. I started off hating you, I was in this as a plot and I was all for this… evil revenge. I realized early on how easy it would be to make you love me, so we worked on that. Rob recognized Vince around town one day, he followed him back to the Nabootique… and as chance would have it the house next door to the shop was for sale. Then we realized just how easily we could…"

"I don't believe I'm hearing this…"

"I never intended to, but I fell in love with you Howard Moon."

"But Vince said…"

"Me and Rob… we sort of…"

"Sort of what?"

A long pause.

"Sort of what?!" I shrieked at her.

"Vince… we got him out of the way."

"You did what? How?"

"Rob planted the drugs on him after he… he attacked Vince."

"No!" I shook my head. Turning to glare at Rob who was making his way out of the ceremony.

"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this."

"Nor did Vince and I've… Oh my god…" the Vicar looked outraged at me. "Sorry Vicar." The Vicar nodded in forgiveness.

"You have no idea how sorry I am."

"I have to go back." The thought hit me.

"No, please don't go. I love you Howard, I want to marry you." She grabbed for my arm as I turned.

"Please, just let go of me."

"This wasn't meant to happen. It was Pierre, we all agreed we wouldn't say anything, we'd forget everything planned. He said he wouldn't come to the wedding but then he did."

"How do you think I could marry you after this? You're all as bad as each other. You sly cow, to think I loved you!"

"You tore my family apart!"

"I'm sorry. But I've had to live that down, I relive those moments so regularly. I was torn apart as well. Do you have any idea of the guilt I went through?"

"Howard, I regret even thinking of doing this to you, I never thought I'd actually go through with it."

"So how come you went all cold on me? You wouldn't even hold my hand. I left everything because I cared so much for you, I wanted to live my life with you. How could someone be so cruel?"

"I'm not cruel, Howard I'm not! Please take back those words. You really didn't mean it did you hunny, promise me you didn't. You still love me don't you? Tell me you love me. We can still have a future we can have children, grandchildren even! We can get married still. Howard please!"

"Just let go." I tore her arm off me and ran down the isle.

Running away again.

Returning to put everything right, with the person who deserved better than me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for all the reviews and comments so far, they mean a lot and keep this story going so thank you :)**

**Here is chapter 12, it is very angsty and is set to get worse before it gets better, so sorry if you don't like angst. Hopefully you will enjoy it anyway.**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.  
**

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**Vince's P.O.V**

I can't actually believe it. He's gone and… and… married her? I just listened to my voicemail and there was a message from Rob, Jagger knows how he had my number. He didn't deserve my number, when I first recognized his gritty voice on the message I had to stop myself from chucking my phone at the wall. He caused this. Made me into this miserable wreck stuck in my bedroom all day surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol. It's my only way to forget, but even that's not having the same effect anymore, it's just a slight numbing of the pain now. He ruined me. But worst of all he ruined me and Howard. How could Howard have not believed me? That was a stab, the fact he believed Rob over me. I didn't even get the chance to show Howard the bruises to prove what Rob did to me. He'd already gone before I had the chance. Was the message out of spite?

"_Vince, I thought I should call and tell you that Howard's marrying Louisa today. Look mate, I'd tell you the place and stuff but you sorta live in England and have no chance of getting there now anyway. Also I can't, Howard didn't want you to know. I asked if 'ed told ya' but 'e said no. Said there was no way you could be best man so 'e 'ad nobody else so asked if I would do it. Course I said yeah 'cos I didn't wanna turn 'im down. Who am I kidding you probably found someone else by now and couldn't give a shit about Howard. You seemed like the type anyway. But yeah, Howard's happy now. Happiest I've ever seen 'im. He doesn't need you."_

It's 6:30 pm. He's married. I can't have him. I can never have him. Rob had even replaced me. It should have been me as best man, not him. I knew that the day would eventually come but I just wished that I was invited, I had even planned an outfit. Howard probably has no time to even think about me, he has no reason to. He has people around him now and these people have just filled in all my roles of Howard's life. I don't have a role in Howard's life or my own anymore. All the roles in my life are empty now Howard's not here, I'm on my own now. I have no reason for anything anymore. I have no friends, nobody who cares or my own home anymore. I have so easily just slipped away into the shadows like a sneaky fox. Everyone has just forgotten all about me. I'm not needed anymore.

I've lost everything that was me. My hairs getting roots and it just sits flat. I never go out anymore, I just lounge around all day in baggy band t-shirts and an old jumper of Howard's that he left behind. It's lost it's smell. I can't even smell Howard anymore. I like to pretend it's actually him, not just a jumper, I snuggle up to it at night. This jumper is all I have left of him and even the smell is fading, why couldn't it last forever? Oh and I also have the letter. I can't go a day without reading it. Pathetic Vince, grow up! Move on! But I just can't. I've tried so, so hard.

_You will be better off without me, you can go and do something with your life now._

I'm not better off. I haven't done anything since. All I really wanted was you to be with me, all those stupid fantasies of living a life of rock n' roll was just my distraction. I knew it would never happen. Something to _attempt_ to focus on. Something that wasn't you.

_Go find someone you truly love and please don't confuse that with me._

But it is you. It only ever was you. I'm not confused. I wouldn't be like this if I didn't love you. I would have moved on and with anyone else it would have been so easy to start a new life, but because it's you… I really can't. I'm just stuck. It's just too hard.

_As much as I love you – as a friend, there is someone out there who will genuinely love you from your precious raven black hair, capturing aqua blue eyes, strange yet 'genius' sense of fashion to your beautiful charming nature._

I hated that first bit_ 'As much as I love you - as a friend'. _I didn't need another reminder. He'd already rejected me, surely that was enough? But I don't have any of this anymore. My hairs faded, it's lost it's shine and is just a dark brown with terrible roots. _'Capturing'_ I never really got that... it's not like my eyes were fishing hooks or anything… but I do have quite a lot of skill at fishing. The fashion sense has gone. I haven't read Cheekbone since Howard left. I never got the chance to tell the Ninja's my new delivery address. _'Beautiful charming nature'_ What nature? I don't talk to people anymore. Rarely Leroy but that's it. How could anyone love this... this thing I've become?

_You're Vince Noir._

No, I'm not. I'm not that Vince Noir anymore. I'm not anybody anymore. Not even a shadow.

I'm nothing.

I can't do this anymore.

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm on autopilot. A robot repeating the task of living on a daily basis. It's just a routine now that I can't get out of. I really don't want to do this anymore. It feels like it's killing me… but feeling dead isn't enough.

What's the point in living if you have nothing left to live for?

My head seems to be screaming 'no' as my hand reaches for the box of parcetemol at my side. Whatever I can find to stop the emotional pain.

**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

Not long now. I had just hailed a taxi down at the British end of the channel tunnel. I felt so…so… confused?

I'd sort of just been jilted or had I just jilted someone? What was the exact definition of my situation? Had anyone else ever even been in the same situation as me? A mutual split maybe? I don't think it was even that, she still wanted to marry me after everything? I can't bring myself to say her name, I don't want to register the woman I met down the isle as the same person I fell in love with. I loved her. But did I really? Nothing turned out to be as it seemed so maybe I'm wrong. Was I in love with the idea? Too many rhetorical questions. I had plenty of time to think this through. I had something else to do first.

I was on my way back now. I was going to restore things.

I had no idea what I was going to say, whether I should apologize? I guessed I should as I had ignored all of Vince's texts and phone calls. I didn't deserve to be forgiven or taken back for this. I pulled my phone from my pocket to check the time but instead 14 missed calls caught my attention followed by a voicemail. All from Vince. Should I listen to this now? Wait till I arrive at Leroy's or turn back to France now incase it's full of insults?

Curiosity won and I dialed for voice mail.

"_Howard? I hope this is you. I really do, you have no idea how much I really want this to be you. I know what you said… move on and all that stuff… but I hope you understand why I can't."_ Oh God. I felt my heart suddenly pound. He sounded really panicked and desperate. _"Please understand, I really need you to understand why I'm doing this."_ Doing what? _"I know I didn't follow your letter but I've had enough now. Rob told me you got married. He said you didn't want me to know. I really wanted to be there. You have no idea how much. But I really did. Sure I wanted to be in Louisa's place… oh crap I shouldn't have said that… oh well you will probably delete this before you've reached this part… not like I blame you. I'm a useless friend. I'm really sorry, I should have been better."_ No. He's not useless. _"Please forgive me, I did try but it was really hard."_ Was Vince crying? _"I'm rubbish at goodbyes, you were probably right to not say bye after you left for France I probably would have been a bitch and caused you hassle. You don't need hassle Howard… or me I guess. You deserve a perfect life with lots of jazzy freaks for children, but I would have dressed them for you… I mean what am I on about? I probably wouldn't have seen you again anyway, I can understand why you wouldn't want to see me. But the truth is… I can't carry on without you. I need you Howard. I know you don't need me but I really can't do this anymore. I'm tired of feeling so alone. So that's why I… I'm going to…" _His voice just broke. I was 100% sure he was crying. I could hear his sobs. It was breaking my heart.

"No!" I shouted out loud causing the taxi driver to jump.

"_I love you Howard."_ The line cut dead.

Panic. I had to get to Leroy's.

"Please. Please can you drive a bit faster?" My voice cracked.

"OK sure mate."

"Thank you, thanks so much sir."

"S'alright. Is something wrong?"

"Erm… just worried that's all. Please hurry up." I sat bolt upright holding onto the headrest in front of me. I picked up my phone and tried to redial the number.

"_Sorry this phone has been switched off. Please try again later."_

"Don't you dare tell me to…"

The taxi driver looked at me through his mirror. Sure he thought I was a freak but did that really matter right now? Nothing mattered apart from reaching Vince.

I gazed out the window and was met with floods of traffic from every direction. No, not right now! Why now?

"How long is this jam?" I asked the driver.

"Hmmm… at a guess 30 minutes if we are lucky but if it wasn't for the jam we'd be there in ooo I'd say 15 minutes."

"So 45 minutes by car in the jam."

I watched the rain patter onto the windscreen.

"Yeah that's right. I'd take you another way but it's backed up down there too." I couldn't waste that time. 45 minutes had never felt so important or desperate.

"Ok I'll jump out here."

"Mate! You'll catch your death! It's pouring out there!"

"Looks like I'll just have to die then." I took a deep breath, handed the driver a wad of notes before opening the car door and stepping out into the hammering rain. I slammed the door and ran.

I was never good at running. At school I'd always come last in all the races at sports day. Surprisingly Vince was always the more athletic of the two of us despite his laziness. I remember one sports day I'd taken the teasing of being last in three races, it was my forth and final race. Vince was taking the lead and was what seemed like miles ahead. The other kids weren't too far behind. He turned around to look back to see where I was and I gawped as he instantly slowed down into a jog, it didn't take me too long to catch up with him. He encouraged me for the rest of the race "Come on Howard! You can do this come on! Don't give up! Do this for me!" so we ran at my pace to the finish line, as I passed the line and punched the air I turned around to see Vince finally reach the finish line a good few seconds after me and applauding my efforts. He could have won that race, but he lost it for me. Vince did so much for me and what had I done for him in return? I'd never forget that race, it reminded me of how lovely and caring Vince could be.

So I ran now for Vince, his words of encouragement echoed in my mind as I ran through the dark roads and past endless street lamps. The adrenalin kept me going and the honks of car horns added to it. I stopped and held my side as a stitch crippled me.

This was ridicules, I had no hope of reaching him. I could be miles away. My eyes darted to a road sign 'Carshalton Road', I wasn't lost anymore.

"_Come on Howard! You can do this come on! Don't give up! Do this for me!"_

"_Come on Howard! You can do this come on! Don't give up! Do this for me!"_

"_Come on Howard! You can do this come on! Don't give up! Do this for me!"_

"_Come on Howard! You can do this come on! Don't give up! Do this for me!"_

I broke back into a run. My feet pounded against the ground, it felt like one of those nightmares where you're being chased and you feel like you're moving nowhere. I wanted this to be a nightmare. I wanted the past 24 hours to be a nightmare as it had possibly been the worst day of my life. I had such high expectations for today and now I was racing to find my friend, fearing the worst.

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**Sorry for the cliff hanger...**

**Please review and comment to tell me what you think **

**Jo xxx  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for the reviews :)**

**Sorry it took so long for me to update I've had trouble with my internet.**

**Warning: Contains A LOT of angst.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh.  
**

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My lungs felt so close to bursting, I wondered how much longer it would be till I collapsed into the gutter. I could barely see as the rain continued to fall. I probably looked like a drowned rat who had escaped from a sewer with my hair plastered to my face and soaked grooms suit. I couldn't help but wonder how tragic I looked. The frowns and sympathetic smiles from passers by hurrying home huddling under umbrellas confirmed this. As I ran I passed a group of what looked like some of Vince's mates. I paused to scan their faces hoping one of them would be Vince.

"Oi, Howard Moon ain't it?" called one guy in leather and red hair with plenty of facial piercings from across the road.

"Er… yeah." I called back breathless. "Any of you guys know where Vince is?"

"Pfft! No! Ain't seen Vince in months. Although someone said he's living with that Leroy fella a few blocks away. I heard he's a bit… y'know." The red head paused.

"What?"

"Bit of a crank… a loon. Ain't left the house since you left or something?"

That's all I needed to hear. I sprinted off once I got my breath back. My soaked suit seemed to be holding me back. Not far now Howard, just round the corner. A few corners. I didn't need it for motivation… just to calm down.

5 minutes later I reached Leroy's road. I looked to the first front door, number 1. 15 houses to go. I made a mental count down. Not much further now. 3-5-7-9-11-13… 15. That magic door number seemed to glow. Probably a hallucination, it wouldn't be the first time. I flung open the gate and hammered by fist against the door.

"Leroy!"

Silence.

"Leroy open this bloody door right now!"

Still nothing. I stepped back to look at the house, a small glow from the front bedroom was the only light. He'd left Vince unsupervised? Surely he'd of noticed something was wrong?

Flower pot! That's where I used to keep the spare key for Vince as he had a habit of loosing his own. 5 empty flower pots stood in a row. In turn I lifted them up and with luck under the 3rd was a door key. I swear sir, that was the hardest door to ever unlock even once I'd had a drink nothing even came close to this. Finally the door gave in and opened up. I slammed the door behind me. Fear powering my run up the stair case. I reached Leroy's spare room, I pulled down the handle. It was locked.

"Vince! Vince! It's Howard! Open the door please!" I said as calmly as I could… I really couldn't avoid the tone of panicked shouting. I listened out for movement but there wasn't a sound.

"Right Vince, I'm coming in now. It's only me Howard! Vince! Vince?" I shouted.

I stepped away from the door before running as hard as I could at the wooden door. It took two attempts before I broke the lock and managed to get into the… the… I couldn't call it a bedroom.

It was horrific. The first thing that caught my eye was the hundreds of empty alcohol bottles lying around the room and the un-homely-ness of the room. Until reality crashed down and I remembered all too clearly why I was standing in this mess. Vince. I caught sight of his slightly faded raven hair first, he was lying under a duvet facing the wall. My heart leapt. I clambered round all the glass bottles as I reached the bed. I lent over Vince, I needed to see his face. I regretted that instantly. A paler than normal face with a pained expression greeted me. His eyes were closed. I shook him, gently to begin with then it quickly became violent.

"Vince! Please wake up! It's Howard, I'm here now. I've come back!" fresh tears flooded my eyes as I realized he was unconscious. I lifted his frail body and sat on the bed myself pulling him onto my lap. His head lolled. I moved the duvet out of the way, only to discover empty sachets of paracetamol and an open diary. He'd tried to… he took… my Vince he… I felt myself wretch as it all sunk into place. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed the three numbers nobody had pleasure of calling.

"Ambulance… please! My… my… my... Vince… my friend… he's taken a…a… an overdose." I choked. I gave the address before hanging up.

Vince looked so fragile and helpless. I held him as tightly as possible, breathing in his scent and kissing his forehead.

"Vince, I'm here now. Everything will be OK. I've called the ambulance and they are on their way. I'm so so sorry I went away and… let this happen to you." I whispered, for my own comfort and the hope that Vince could hear me. A male voice interrupted me.

"Hello? Vince, you up yet you lazy bugger? I said you needed to be out of here by 7:00pm I can see the light from your room, I'm not that stupid." Leroy sounded very aggressive and his voice got louder as he climbed the stairs.

"Leroy?" I croaked. It was all I could manage.

"Who's there? That's not Vince! Get out, I'll call the cops if you don't… Howard?" He stopped and looked stunned as he gazed at me. "Oh my God, what's wrong with him?" mumbled Leroy as he took in the situation.

"He… I found… he's taken an… overdose." I stuttered. Confusion spread across Leroy's shocked face.

"What?"

"He's tried to kill himself." I squeaked. It didn't seem right… Vince just wouldn't do that, he's too happy or he was anyway.

"No. I knew something was up. Known for ages I… he just… melted away. Not physically but his character he just sort of vanished from when you went. I tried to get him to see the doctor but he wouldn't leave the house… even called one over but he…" Leroy was cut short by a knock at the door.

"Ambulance." Finally it had arrived. Leroy stood up I noticed the tears flooding his eyes as he left to answer the door.

I stroked Vince's soft cheek. I'd never have done this had he been conscious. What did that say about me? Why did Vince have to be in such a bad way in order for me to care for him? A tear drop, my own, landed on Vince's cheek I gently wiped it away. I moved a bit of hair from his face and bowed my head in order to kiss his soft cheek.

In came the paramedics, equipped with a stretcher and many other strange devices and bags. Instantly Vince was lifted away from me by a young brunette man and put onto a stretcher, another blonde middle aged paramedic took the evidence of the overdose as he picked up the empty sachets. Only now as Vince was being whisked away did I recognize the jumper he was wearing, it was my jumper the one I left behind. Even though Vince was still in the room it actually hurt to be away from him, to let him go. He looked so tiny on the stretcher, partly because he is very small, but he seemed so vulnerable and helpless. He is also both of those too. Why did it hurt so much to see him like this? When I left I could barely stand it to look at him after all the mess. But now it's because I realize he was innocent all along, he hadn't taken the drugs it was Rob's way of covering up his violence towards Vince. As the paramedics lifted the stretcher and began to take him to the ambulance, I glanced at the diary beside me. Maybe reading it would help me to understand.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to all the lovely people who have been reviewing my story so far, thank you very much :)**

**The angst continues...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh but I think anyone reading this knows who does...  
**

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Seconds seemed like minutes and hours felt like days as I sat in the hospital waiting room. I had little chance of sleeping with the coffee, but it kept me alert and meant I'd be there for Vince when he woke up. The doctor had told me that I had been lucky to of found him when I did and that considering how big the overdose was he had reacted fairly quickly and positively to his treatment. I took this as a good sign, but they warned me anything could happen. I looked down at Vince's diary on the seat next to me. The disguise was very clever, a book on punks. Well it ensured I would never look at it. But I needed to understand, why. Why he felt he had to do this and what drove him to it. My head was full of questions. I never could understand Vince anyway, so I predicted now would also be a challenge for Howard Moon. My stomach swam with nerves and guilt as I turned the first few pages.

'_If you find this diary, don't read it. I have a mighty swarm of bumble bees that will hunt you down and sting you while squirting lemon juice in your eyes. Trust me, I wouldn't risk that. Especially if you are Howard Moon and allergic to bee stings.'_

That made me smile. It took away the picture of when I found Vince at Leroy's and replaced it with Vince surrounded by bees all heading for me. But I Howard Moon carry bee repellent at all times sir.

_How can he not know? I mean it's really obvious and Howard says I'm simple minded. Mind you, obvious could run up to Howard and slap him in the face and he'd just blame it on one of my jealous fans or me._

I flicked a few pages. I sort of guessed what he meant from that.

_I don't like Louisa. I don't get her. I don't really understand much anyway but I have my suspicions I think she might be some sort of spy, trying to work out my next fashion movements. Mind you she doesn't look like the fashion type. Not with those shoes anyway. But why does she like Howard? Nobody likes Howard except Lester Cornflakes. Of course there is me as well. I like him more than anyone. More than Louisa does anyway. But that goes without saying. Should I say it? Run up to him and tell him exactly how much I do? What if he rejects me? Then what? I don't want us to end. It's Howard, he would run away and tell me I've gone wrong or something. Ask me if I'm high or pissed. He'd never believe me._

I realized that last sentence only too well.

Skipping a few pages further I recognized the situation.

_Howard tried to kick me out of my room and give it to old pig snout. We've had another fight. I don't like fighting with Howard anymore. He called me childish again and everything he says against me now just hurts. We used to call each other things all the time and I wouldn't care at all. But that's not the worst bit. I sort of wound up old piggy… he sort of tried to kill me. He grabbed my throat and started strangling me. I fainted. When I woke up Howard was there, he scooped me up in his arms, I felt like a right damsel in distress. For the first time in ages I thought he really cared for me and it was lovely, I thought it could actually work out. Then he changed when that liar said he found drugs on me. I promised ages ago to Howard I'd give it up so Howard went mental and thought I'd been lying to him all this time. I can't believe he doesn't believe me. I don't lie to him anymore, I pretty much do everything he says now but it's always wrong. I don't mean to be such an idiot, I really do try to make things work but I don't think anything's good enough to make things better anymore. He's leaving._

I realized at that point how wrong I had been, it made sense reading that. He'd been strangled and I made the situation much worse.

_He's gone. I woke up and he's actually left. He didn't even say goodbye. But what's really tragic… I got up extra early to make Howard breakfast and you know how much I hate early mornings. Beans on toast. To be fair I slightly burnt the beans but Howard always says something like it's the thought that counts. I think a lot. It's a shame he couldn't hear my thoughts… then maybe he'd still be here. I went up to his room knocked on the door, I called out for him and had a right little conversation trying to persuade him to let me come in. So I got angry and walked in anyway, his bed was empty. I thought he was hiding. He wasn't. I put the tray down with the breakfast and saw the letter. I read it and just sat there crying. I've only just left the bed, I tucked myself under his duvet cover and all I can do is sob my heart out. I pretty much spent the day there, I'm going to go back there now. I want to be close to Howard. I can't believe he didn't say goodbye. Maybe I didn't deserve a goodbye._

I noticed the smudged ink on the page. Tear stains I guessed. I felt full of regret and anger. Why did I do that?

_Why can't I do anything anymore? Naboo's replaced me so he can shut down the Nabootique. I can't bring myself to work there alone. Too many happy memories that will just make me cry. Not like I don't cry enough already. Naboo's in Shaman prison with Bollo so the place can't stay open with me unable to last ten minutes without blubbering. It's insane. I'm moving to Leroy's today. I don't think I'm going to like it there. I don't want to move. I can't take all of Howard's furniture with me. Naboo had to lock Howard's old bedroom because he says it's bad for me spending so much time in there and apparently it's bad for my health or something. I don't know, as if I'd give a shit about my health anymore. I've been drinking non-stop so that can't be good._

The picture of Vince's room at Leroy's flared back into my mind with the masses of empty alcohol bottles dotted around. Why did I have to cause him all of that pain? I began to fear actually understanding Vince's motives. I started to wonder if this was my fault. I turned a few pages and it all seemed to progress a bit too quickly.

_I'm so alone. I don't think I've ever been lonely but this is horrible. I've not been out in months and nobody bothers to call me anymore. I'm not really on speaking terms with Leroy either. It's not great considering we live in the same house. It got worse after he tried to call that doctor over so I locked myself in my room. I hate calling this place my room. But Leroy said to me maybe I'm not very well. I told him I didn't feel sick then he said it's because I'm sad all the time and have completely changed. When he was literally begging me to come out of my room I overheard him and the doctor talking about depression or something like that. Sunshine kids don't get depression. So maybe I'm not the sunshine kid anymore. I'm not anybody anymore. Not even Vince._

Fresh tears had crept up on me, I hadn't noticed I was crying again. I winced as I noticed there were only a few pages left.

_The clock says 6, but I don't know if that's AM or PM. I don't care. I don't know what I did yesterday or anything over the past few months. Nothing matters. I think Jagger hates me now. He's beaten me and I'm so ashamed._

_OK I'm done now. I've had enough of this room had enough of everything. Why have I left this so long? I've thought about it for ages but now I know there's nothing more I can do. He's married now. I can't have him. Rob left me a message, I had no idea he even had my number. Said Howard's wedding was today that he was happy without me. If he's happy without me then why can't I be happy without him? How does that work? Why doesn't he love me? Well I've fixed my own problem now. I won't have to feel anything anymore. That's a good thing since all I felt was pain… but now it feels like its easing because I know it won't last for much longer. So here goes, maybe I could be the best at something here, writing the worst, most uncared for suicide note in the history of suicides. Probably nobody will read it and even if they do I doubt anybody will care._

_Dear Naboo and Bollo,_

_Thanks for being good friends to me. Sorry for making you close the Nabootique I should have made you proud and taken the place on myself but it was too much for me. I really hope you understand. We've had some good times especially at the zoo I loved that place. Promise me if you ever read this… please don't smoke it I'd be a bit offended._

_Vince x_

_Dear Leroy,_

_Sorry for everything from being a burden to nicking all your booze and food. You can have all my clothes as a thank you, sorry they are a bit outdated but I'm sure if you don't wear them you could sell them and if you can't sell them give them to a charity shop or a homeless person they can be alright and appreciate my fashion (I gave one a cape once, he loved it). You can have this room back now. Sorry we stopped talking. Thanks for letting me live here._

_Vince x_

_Dear Howard,_

I gasped out loud. I couldn't read this.

I was suddenly brought back to my surroundings as Leroy slumped down in the seat beside me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for the reviews. Here is the next chapter for all you lovely people!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh, Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding do.  
**

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"What's that?" Leroy asked me. He handed me a coffee which I took gratefully.

"Vince's diary." I replied solemnly.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to read it?" he asked blowing on his own coffee before taking a sip.

"Too late. Look I only read it to try and understand."

"Oh."

"Well I've nearly finished reading the last bit… but I just can't bring myself to read it… it's too much."

"Can I?" he gestured to the diary.

"Sure. But I wouldn't."

"Look Howard don't start getting authoritive, you haven't had to put up with a vacant doll for all this time."

I glared at him. I wished it had been me that was with Vince for all those months, then maybe he wouldn't be fighting for his life. How could I call it fighting for his life? He had surrendered and given up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It's just it has also been hard on me, I just couldn't reach him. Like when you try to make something work with someone and they throw it back in your face? Well it's worse when your not getting any response. He went all silent on me Howard. Vince silent! We were mates, we'd go clubbing, drinking and shopping together and then there was nothing. It was like talking to a brick wall… so I thought…"

"Throwing him out would get a reaction." I finished for him. By now I had lost all my anger towards Leroy. I realized that it couldn't have been easy for him.

"Yeah, sort of. It was my last resort. I thought threatening him would make him snap out of it and realize he had nowhere else to go. I didn't think he would kill hi… do this." Leroy put his head in his hands. I put an arm around him and pulled him into a hug.

"He left a note for you, you know." I broke the hug gently and handed over the diary.

Leroy put the diary onto his lap and read through the last entry. As he reached his goodbye he began to shake.

"I… he… he apologized. He didn't need to apologize."

"That's Vince even if he acts sometimes like he doesn't care if he's upset you, you know deep down he really does."

"Do you mind if I read your one?" Leroy looked up wiping his eyes.

"I've not read it yet." I mumbled.

"Howard you need to read it."

"I can't."

"I read mine, now read yours. Please, for Vince?"

The book was handed back to me. I took a deep breath before I began.

_Dear Howard,_

_I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this. I have no idea where you live and you're happy now so I know you won't come back. Who'd want to return to misery? But I thought it might help me let go. So here it is._

_You've always been there for me, I always said I'd have such a better life if you weren't holding me back (I told you that didn't I?) but I was wrong. I think I knew it anyway all along but I just wouldn't admit it. I think I've realized in the worst way possible how wrong I was. Look at me? I mean you can't see me or anything but I suppose you've realized if you're reading this I couldn't cope. I tried Howard, I promise you I did. It just got so much harder every day so I've decided that enough is enough. I'm sorry. This probably won't mean much to you, I mean you left without saying goodbye. I hope you would think that me doing this is the right thing to do because if you have nothing left to live for what's the point of living, I'm trying to use your advice and be more logical. I'm so ashamed of what I am now. I used to have such a fantastic life but I let it slip away. Have a good life small eyes. I just wished I could be part of it. Don't feel bad, don't cry just promise me that you will be 100% happy. That's the only thing I want. I don't think I can write much longer I'm not feeling too great anymore so before I go I just wanted to say thanks for all the memories. I also wanted to say I love you. I have probably said that too many times but then maybe you might believe I'm telling you the truth._

_Please don't let me down Howard._

_Vince xxx_

The sadness that flooded through me as I reached the end of then entry was unbearable. The chance of that being the last thing he had written in his life and the fact that it was addressed to me added to my guilt. I didn't deserve to be the last person he thought about before he… did this to himself. I imagined him lifeless while doctors rushed around him. I had no idea how he was doing, we hadn't had an update in ages. Why was it taking so long? Maybe they couldn't save him? Maybe they let him die? What if they had forgotten to tell us?

"Howard calm down." Leroy noticed my panicking although I hadn't voiced my thoughts.

"Don't you dare tell…" I felt my rage bubbling.

"Howard! Look at yourself, your not doing either of us favors by getting into a fight over this."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't understand it."

"I know. You're just upset, you've had a tough day."

"You can say that again."

"Howard, you couldn't have had a worse day apart from… well let's not think about that we need to be positive."

"Why does everybody leave me?" I heard my voice whimper.

"Look mate, you've just been unlucky. If Vince knew you were coming back this wouldn't have happened I'm sure of it."

"It's all my fault!"

"No, It's not it is just bad luck. Look I'm blaming myself too but I know I couldn't have stopped this. I was living with him for god's sake, I should have done more to help him. I had the chance to do something but instead I just gave up on him." I had never seen Leroy talk so seriously before. I always wondered if there was anything more to him than his love of fashion and clubbing. He and Vince used to be so alike, but there was always more to Vince. I could tell by the dancing of his eyes that he was someone special and that he was like nobody else. Leroy never really triggered in my mind that he could be caring and speak sense when you needed to be lifted out of insanity. But here he was trying to make things better and showing emotion.

"So… recently… how has he been?" I asked.

"Unresponsive. You wouldn't recognize him. Just… nothing. He just sat all day in his room drinking himself into oblivion whenever he could get his hands on alcohol. I know I should have locked it up and I did try that once but he just wouldn't stop crying so I had to give in. It was really frightening, you would have done the same." At first I felt angry over the fact Leroy couldn't ignore Vince's crying but I knew that I'd have trouble resisting it.

"What am I going to do Leroy? If he doesn't survive this… I don't think I can forgive myself."

"Howard is this really necessary right now. If the worst comes to the worst then we have the rest of our lives to be negative but now we need to have a bit of hope."

"I'm going to find out how he's doing." I stood up and walked over to reception to where one of the male doctors who had been treating Vince was standing.

"Hello there, erm… I was wondering if there has been any update on Vince… Vince Noir?"

"Hello Sir, Mr Noir is doing well considering how much he overdosed on but he is currently in a comma. He has a lot of damage internally which will require medication and further treatment but as of now he is doing well."

Surely that was a good sign?

"So… he will make a full recovery? You think he will wake up?"

"It's still early and we can't be 100% sure that he will wake up. We are hoping for the best and feel he does have a good chance. But like I said he does have a lot of internal damage and it is too early to determine whether he will react well to the treatment, depending on this there is a chance of complications in later life."

Was this a good thing? Surely it was, the worst news could be death.

"Thank you doctor."

"Somebody will be with you later to go into more detail and potential options."

"OK thank you." I walked back to Leroy who was staring into space with a distinctive look of distress on his face. When he noticed my approach he sat up and eagerly asked how Vince was doing. I recited as best as I could of what the doctor had told me.

"So do they think he will live?" asked Leroy.

"I don't know, he wasn't really clear but from what he said it sounds like he has a good chance. We'll just have to hope."

* * *

2 weeks later and Vince was still in a comma. 2 weeks had never passed so slowly. I had barely left the hospital, only occasionally when I knew I needed to change and have a shower. I began to worry that Vince was taking so long to wake up. I don't think the doctors expected it to take this long either. Leroy wasn't up at the hospital much anymore, but I understood that he needed to go to work as he wasn't doing to well financially as he was and needed all the money he could get. He was also letting me refuel at his house, which I was very grateful for. I had spent as much time as possible by Vince's bed. His bed was in a little side ward away from other patients. The amount of time I spent in there assured I knew every tiny detail of the room to the tiniest crack in the painted pale blue wall. There were creamy white blinds at the windows and the floor seemed to have the strangest pattern of random tiny black dots with the occasional coloured dot, many a time had I used them to play dot-to-dot. There was a small bedside table on which I had placed a packet of strawberry laces and a Cheekbone magazine. I knew Vince hadn't read it in a while but maybe it could help his life get back on track. I had to start somewhere. I'd let him down before so now was the chance to help him and try and make amends. The most important thing in the room was tucked up under the snow white bed sheets and wired up to machines that I had no understanding of. I swept a lock of hair away from Vince's closed eye before gently stroking his cheek with the back of my hand. I looked at my watch which told me it was 9:30pm, I decided I would leave and go back to Leroy's for a sleep. I reached for Vince's hand and sat holding it for a while. I'd caused this, that reoccurring thought refused to leave me. I stood up and left.

After I'd had a shower and something to eat back at Leroy's I switched on the old T.V. I didn't really care that it had no signal, I wouldn't have paid any attention to the program anyway so instead I sat staring at the fuzzy screen. Is this what Vince had felt like? At this moment in time I felt I could relate to one or two of Vince's diary entries. I felt sort of numb, I knew of my surroundings but chose not to do anything about them. Even now do I really understand Vince? After reading his diary I knew more about him but one big thing he mentioned time and time again just wouldn't add up; how could he love me? I caused him so much pain and after all that he still left a note for me. I know more but I still don't understand him. Would I ever be able to understand? I miss him so much, sure I've seen him everyday but I miss his random conversation and electro nonsense. I look forward to seeing him although I visit him everyday. Each day hoping he will be awake yet also nervous about how he will react when he sees me. What if he wants me out of his life? But there is so much we have to go over, so many things we need to sort out. I don't know if I'll be able to manage it but I am going to have to. For Vince.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry the last chapter was a bit of a filler. My internet has been playing up yet again, so sorry to keep you all waiting.**

**Please review :)**

**Disclaimer: I'm just a poor girl who likes writing stories so please don't sue... Boosh belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt.  
**

* * *

I walked through the disinfectant scented corridor of the hospital with a bunch of bananas and bag of grapes in my hands. I thought in the back of my mind that I would be the one who would be eating these not Vince which was handy as these were two of the few things that we both liked. My thoughts were interrupted as I heard shouting. I recognized the voice that was breaking the deathly silence of the hospital. I broke into a run as I struggled to hear what was being said. As I reached Vince's side ward my heart pounded with so many emotions the two main ones were happiness but also nerves. I waited outside to get my breath back and to pull myself together.

"I don't want to be here! Why couldn't you take that hint you…you… Why couldn't you just let me go? That's all I wanted and you and your stupid doctor palls had to jump in and save the day, well I didn't want saving!" I finally overheard, this wasn't the best moment to jump in so I thought through what to do. I didn't have many options except to wait for him to calm down. Suddenly I heard sobs. He was crying? I couldn't bare the sound but some hidden confidence seemed to break out of me and before I knew it my arm had pushed the door open and my feet had stepped inside the room. I paused as Vince noticed me. His eyes were wide with what I would call shock. He looked scared and I'm sure I could see him shaking. He looked away from me and up at the nurse who was writing notes. Ten seconds passed and he said nothing, still looking in the opposite direction.

"Vince?" I said softly.

Vince turned to look at me and then quickly turned away again.

"Mr Noir, is everything alright?" asked the young brunette nurse.

Vince shook his head.

"I…I… think I'm having a hallu…hallucinia… I think I'm seeing things." Vince struggled.

"Vince, what is it?" I asked walking closer to his bed.

"No. You're not real." I heard him mumble. The nurse looked over worriedly.

"Who's not real?"

"Stop… stop talking to me. This isn't fair. I thought I'd got away. Your not standing there." He turned away from me.

"Vince I swear, it's me, Howard." I was beginning to get scared.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because it's me, look hold my hand I'm real. Go on."

"No! Because you always do that and then you just disappear but then at least I can see you for longer if I don't touch you." He quickly glanced up at me before looking down at his hands.

"I promise you I wont disappear."

"Promise?"

"Yes." I reached out to Vince's cheek and rested my hand there. His eyes closed and as they opened again tears began to fall.

"I've missed you so much." He cried and grabbed me tightly into a hug.

I felt myself falling apart as I held him. He was shaking or I was, I couldn't really tell as I was also in floods of tears by that point. Carefully I sat beside Vince without breaking away from the hug and he leaned into me. It didn't take long until Vince fell asleep on me. I'd never really been this close to Vince before yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

We had a lot to talk about but that could wait.

Shuffling awoke me and I was met with a pair of glistening blue eyes gazing at me.

"Vince, you should be asleep." I murmured.

"I can't sleep. Not when you're here. I keep thinking you will disappear again."

I suddenly remembered that I had left that night and had gone before Vince had woken up. I finally understood something.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." Vince didn't reply but continued gazing at me. I decided to break the silence. "Vince? You do know we need to talk." Vince finally glanced away and looked down at the floor.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Vince we have to."

"I know."

Another long pause.

"I've read your diary."

"Oh."

"Oh? Is that all you can say?"

"Howard what the hell do you expect me to say, oh how brilliant? Well done? Thank you?"

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? You haven't done anything." He said a little calmer.

I was completely shocked. I'd done everything.

"How can you say that? I made you do this."

"Nobody made me do anything."

"Yes, I did!" I sat up.

"I wanted to do this. You didn't hand me the pills or anything did ya'?"

"Vince!"

"Howard!" he copied my tone.

"How can you just dust over this? You tried to kill yourself!" I could hear the sadness and slight anger building up in my voice.

Vince just shrugged in response.

"What's wrong with you?" I shouted. I didn't mean to I just wanted a reply. It was more of a rhetorical question.

"Well turns out I have plenty of internal damage to be on pills for the next few months and maybe I'll be on the stuff for the rest of my life."

"Vince…"

"Oh and apparently I've gone wrong in me 'ead." He interrupted. "Plenty of things to keep me occupied eh Howard?" his voice broke and his eyes glistened.

Vince looked up and caught sight of my face.

"Look, Howard I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I really am." I watched his face fill up with fear. "Please don't go away again I'm just…"

"Shhh…" I said and gave him a hug.

"Promise you wont go." He broke away to search my face.

"I've already promised."

"Please say it again…please." He begged.

"Only if you promise we can talk about everything."

"OK! We will talk like proper adults I promise." He insisted.

"I promise."

"Cheers Howard." I watched his face begin to glow. "Can I have something to eat first though? I'm starving I could eat a herd of cows."

I handed him the grapes and bananas.

"Awww you're a genius Howard. It's not a cow but it will do."

I nicked a grape for myself.

"Hey!"

I laughed as I took another one.

Late afternoon once Vince had calmed down after the excitement of being brought grapes in hospital, I decided we would begin to talk.

"So…" I began, prompting Vince.

"So… what do you want to know?"

"You make it sound like common gossip."

"And when am I not common gossip… right sorry back on topic. Well… I don't know. How are you meant to explain something like this? I was feeling sad?" he ended flatly.

"You can do better than that." I encouraged.

"Can I really? I'm sure I used to be able to but you've not been here in a while so how do you know I haven't changed?" he had to bring that up didn't he. As if I could even forget it.

"I honestly thought you had changed but you seem so… bouncy… considering."

"Bouncy? What's that meant to mean? It that some strange way of saying happy? This is the best thing that has happened to me since you left… that and thinking I wouldn't wake up. Aren't I allowed to feel happy or something?"

"That's not what I meant… I was worried you would be so different that I wouldn't know you at all."

"You don't. You don't know what I've been through." I felt the knot of guilt in my stomach get tighter.

"Well tell me! Explain! I need to know and don't skip the details."

"Right. OK then. Erm… I've never felt so low and useless in my life." He began. "I just… couldn't work anymore… like as a person. Does that make sense?" No, but I nodded anyway. "Well I just fell apart. You have no idea how much I needed you. I cried for you Howard, I prayed you would come back but you never did." Vince quickly sunk into sounding serious.

"I am so sorry. If I knew I would have…"

"But you could have known. I rang you, left you voicemails, texts the whole lot and still nothing. You just ignored me. It was like you just wanted to forget me and didn't care about me enough to even give me a chance."

"But when I did listen to the last voicemail…"

"Oh. You heard that then. What are the chances eh?"

"I was back in the country… I was on my way back to you."

"W-w-what? Why?" he looked stunned.

"It didn't work out."

"You finally saw sense did you? How? You seemed too oblivious to what happened under your nose. Told you she was wrong for you."

"Yeah thanks for rubbing it in."

"What happened?"

"It doesn't matter." I didn't want to talk about it. There was a much bigger problem on our hands.

"Yes it does."

"This is more important." More important to me anyway.

"Fine. You will tell me later right? So… why didn't you ever call me Howard? I needed to talk to you so badly, I made you leave I wanted to know you were OK and that you were happy. I wanted to be there on the end of the phone for a good old chat. I wanted to make it all better."

"I… was scared."

"Scared of what? What possibly could Howard TJ Moon be scared of?" I could feel the tension beginning to build up again.

"Admitting you were right all along. Louisa got angry at any slight mention of you. Threatened to throw away the sim card of my phone so that you would leave us alone."

"Threats seem to be a reoccurring feature of that family."

"Did Rob really strangle you?"

"Surely you still don't believe I'm telling you lies? Yes he did. I mean I wound him up a bit but not enough to deserve that… and then you went and said I was on drugs… I'd just been strangled and had the fright of my life then you thought I was high… how do you think that made me feel?"

"Sorry."

"It doesn't matter." He said bluntly "I deserved it."

"Whatever makes you think you deserved it?" I said completely astonished.

"I nearly cheated with Louisa of course I deserved it." I couldn't really respond to that so remained silent. "She did throw herself at me Howard… you know I'd never do that to you don't you?"

"That still doesn't mean you deserved to get to this."

"You don't understand… of course I deserved it otherwise it wouldn't have happened."

"Please stop saying that. I want to understand. I'm trying to understand but how can I when you won't let me except that it's my fault."

"Why do you always have to take the blame? Why is it when something bad happens you have to be the cause, oh boohoo poor poor Howard always at fault, let's all feel sorry for him!"

"Vince, if you are going to be like that then I'm going to have to leave." I stood up.

"No! No Howard! Don't leave!" Vince blurted out, a complete change of mood.

"I… can't really deal with this." I sighed.

"What? What is it you can't deal with? I'll stop I promise!"

"Look, we can talk about it another time when you don't feel the need to insult me."

"Please. You promised you wouldn't leave! You promised me!" his pleading nearly broke me.

"But I have to. You know I will be back, you just need a rest and think a few things through."

"You think I've not done enough of that over the past few months?"

"I'll be back. I promise." I reached over to give Vince a hug and was a little shocked when Vince lightly brushed his lips against mine before crashing them together. Quickly I pulled away, regretting that move instantly as I remembered how delicate he must be. I didn't want to hurt him more. Vince looked at me with worried wide eyes.

"Let's take it one step at a time eh little man?" I smiled.

Vince just nodded in reply.

I made my way out of the room and began the long trek out of the hospital. Was that really the best thing to say? Why couldn't I just let him kiss me? Surely it wouldn't mean anything, it's not like I feel the same. Or maybe that's why it couldn't happen, because then I would be admitting. But I'm not…I don't know.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17. Thanks for the reviews so far.**

**As I've said 16 times before... I don't own the Mighty Boosh, it belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt.**

* * *

The next day I went back to visit Vince again. On my way I bumped into one of the nurses who had been treating Vince.

"Good morning Mr Moon, I've got some good news for you. The doctor says if Mr Noir continues to recover at this pace then he may be home in a week." That was exactly what I wanted to hear. I couldn't stand visiting Vince in hospital, I've just never liked what hospitals are associated with. Or maybe I went as a child and something scared me. After thinking that I suddenly realized I'd been watching too many therapy programs I also realized the nurse was still infront of me.

"Thank you! That's brilliant, is it all right if I tell him?"

"Yes, but make sure you remind him that it could be longer depending on his mental health."

I thanked her again before making my way to Vince's room. As I stepped inside I instantly knew things weren't too great. The Cheekbone magazine I bought Vince had been ripped up and chucked on the floor, the colourful pages were scattered everywhere.

"Vince? Is everything OK?" I asked as I bent down to pick up the scraps of the magazine.

"Yes. Everything's fine." He said defensively. I looked up to see his arms crossed and a face of thunder.

"What's happened?"

"I already said! Everything's fine."

"But the magazine…" I pointed to all the ripped pages in my hands.

"Yeah I did that."

"But… why?" he was really confusing me now.

"Because I felt like it."

"Have you even read it yet?"

"I read the front cover. Anyway there's more to life than fashion."

Woah sir, that certainly wasn't Vince talking. I walked over and put a hand against his forehead checking to see if he had a temperature.

"I told you Howard, I feel fine!" he dodged away from my hand.

"Is this about yesterday?"

"No." he mumbled.

"It is isn't it. You can't keep trying to hide from me Vince, I'm only trying to help you."

"Well maybe I don't want your help!" he shouted.

"Fine, well don't go asking me to clean up all that uneaten food you've hidden under your bed!"

Vince blushed red and seemed to shrink back into himself.

"I tried to eat it… I really did. But I couldn't."

I sighed. "Couldn't or wouldn't?"

"Both?" he winced a little for my response.

"Right. You have been eating though? You must have eaten something. Don't they make sure you've had something to eat?"

"Yeah but they forget." How could someone forget him? He's too beautiful to forget. Why did I have to think that? He's just… beautiful to other people and I know that because… loads of people tell me?

"Is there any food you want? You haven't even touched the strawberry laces I got you."

"You bought me them? Ohhh I was hopping the strawberry laces people sent them because they heard what had happened so sent them as a get well soon present. No I don't want anything."

"Vince I'm worried about you! You can have anything say the word and I'll get it for you."

"I just said I'm not hungry."

"You think they will let you home if you have an eating disorder on top of trying to kill yourself? They said you could probably leave in a week depending on your mental health but you don't seem like you want to get better."

"I don't have an eating disorder!" he yelled in his defense.

"Well eat something then."

"But my stomach hurts and I don't want to be sick again."

I'd overheard the nurses say that he had been having trouble keeping his food down.

"OK well I'll speak to the doctor and make sure he gets you some painkillers for your stomach, it might help you." I suddenly felt really guilty, I knew Vince loved all his sugary foods too much and this nutritious hospital food probably wasn't to his tastes. Even worse he kept throwing up any food he had tried to eat. As Vince had hidden the food the doctors and nurses probably assumed that he had eaten it so might have done something to his medication… I scared myself with some of the outcomes so went off to find a doctor.

Slowly it got harder and harder to talk to Vince. I don't know how it happened because I don't think I was acting any different. While he was in hospital Vince was ordered to see a psychiatrist. I never went in with him and Vince didn't like talking about the meetings. I would always ask him about it but afterwards I'd always get the same response of 'I don't know'. I guessed he wasn't paying much attention, which wasn't really out of character but I expected he would tell me more about it. There were a lot of awkward silences now and as much as I tried to fill them they wouldn't disappear. Was this how he was after I left? Is this what Leroy had to deal with?

It was the day Vince was allowed home and I suddenly realized how difficult it was going to be. I didn't think he was ready. It wasn't that I didn't want him home I just wanted to make sure that it was the best place for him to be. I'd paid a visit to Vince's wardrobe back at Leroy's. The first item I picked up was Vince's glitter ball suit but I put it down again after realizing maybe it wasn't the best thing to wear at a hospital. I managed to find some red leopard print skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. I tried to complete the look with a pair of silver boots that used to be a favorite of his which I found laid at the bottom of the wardrobe.

"Here… sorry if it's a few seasons out of date." I passed the clothes to Vince.

"Nah it's fine. Shame you didn't bring my glitter ball suit though Howard."

"What… I was going to… but then I…" I noticed Vince's face which seemed to be trying to conceal a laugh.

"I was joking. Thank you." He pulled himself off the bed and pulled the gown off right in front of me. I must have been gaping. "Are you alright Howard?"

"Your changing right here?" I managed to tear my eyes away from his pale torso.

"Yep, is that alright with you?" he ruffled his hair in an attempt to arrange it. I hadn't seen him do that the whole time he had been here.

"Er… y-yeah fine. Go ahead." I stuttered.

"Erm… Howard? Do you think you could… turn around?"

"Sorry." I quickly spun around. What was happening to me? I'd seen Vince topless many times but now…

A few moments later... "You can turn around again."

"Oh right." I caught sight of him in the outfit I had picked. It looked wrong.

"I think they are a bit to baggy now." He sighed. "They'll be fine in a month or two though. Great choice Howard, I must have done something right."

That's why it looked wrong.

After Vince said his goodbyes to the nurses and random fellow patients we made our way out of the hospital. As we stood in the biting wind I turned to notice Vince was shivering so I took my green raincoat off and put it over his shoulders.

"Thanks Howard." I just smiled in response. There was a long pause as we stood outside waiting. Vince adjusted the raincoat so he was wearing it properly.

"Howard… what are we waiting for? We do have somewhere to go don't we? I don't want to be on the streets." I heard the panic rising in his voice.

"We're waiting for a taxi." I said simply trying to contain a laugh.

"Oh."

The rain began to pour from the skies. My nutmeg shirt was not enough to brave the rain. Looking at Vince I noticed two things weren't right. His face seemed to be forced into a downward shape, he looked so unhappy close to tears even. Also his hair, the hood of my raincoat wasn't being used efficiently instead it just hung down his back. He looked like a soaked kitten out in the rain, helpless and innocent.

"Here. Don't want you to catch a cold." I said while lifting the hood up to cover is drenched hair.

"Could I die from a cold, Howard?" I followed Vince's gaze to the floor.

"No… I don't think… do you want to die Vince?" I stumbled over my words.

"What am I going to do?" I heard him mumble, ignoring my question.

"You've got me?" I tried to sound hopeful.

"Yeah." He deadpanned.

It was then I realized I wasn't enough. Not only had he lost me, he'd also lost so many other 'friends'. He hadn't just lost people either, he'd lost his way of life. Sobbing interrupted my thinking and I turned to see Vince wiping his face with his hand and his body slightly hunched as he shook.

"Vince!" I pulled him gently into a hug as he cried into my shoulder, he tugged at my soaked shirt.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry." I wanted to ask him why but now seemed inappropriate, did he mean for the whole situation?

"Shhhh… I know… its fine." I continued to hold him as he went limp in my arms.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you so much to all the people who have left such lovely comments. Here is the next chapter I really hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Topshop or The Mighty Boosh but owning both would be pretty fantastic.  
**

* * *

We sat in silence for the whole of the journey back to Leroy's. Leroy greeted us at the front door and let us into the house. We were allowed to stay for as long as we wanted.

"Tahdah!" said Leroy as he placed a plate of beans on toast each in front of us.

I could see Vince trying to force a smile to Leroy out the corner of my eye.

"Thanks Leroy." I said as I picked up a knife and fork and began to eat.

"Cheers Leroy. I'm really sorry but I'm not very hungry, here you can have mine." Vince pushed his dinner over to Leroy.

"Come on Vince, you have to eat something."

"I can't. Not hungry. Is it OK if I…"

"Vince mate, you don't need to ask just get up." Leroy smiled as he attempted to make Vince feel more at ease.

I listened to Vince's footsteps as he trailed up the staircase.

"Do you think it's a good idea him going up there alone?" I worried.

"He's not a child, you have to let him do some things alone you know?" Leroy was right.

"I know… but he needs us and considering everything that happened should we leave him alone?"

"Howard, you're being too over protective. If your that worried go find him in ten minutes, he's only upstairs he'll be fine."

Ten minutes passed, my eyes never left the little clock on the wall and I was convinced the clock was slow. I rushed up the stairs as quickly as my northern legs would carry me. I tapped on the door furthest away from the staircase. This was the room on that dreaded night where I'd found Vince. Leroy had locked the door but had left the key in the lock. Neither of us had been inside since. I pushed the door open and found Vince huddled on the floor by his bed, surrounded by empty bottles. I weaved my way around the room and sat down next to Vince.

"It's exactly how I left it." He murmured.

"We couldn't bear to come back in here."

"Did you find me?"

"Yes."

I think that was Vince's way of prompting me to tell him more but without actually asking. I'd told him before I'd been the one who had found him.

"What… was it like?" I could tell he felt a little bit nervous asking me these questions.

"I was in a taxi when I got your message. We ended up in a traffic jam so I paid the driver and got out ages away from here… then I just ran."

"You ran? I made Howard Moon run." I glanced away from the wall to look at his face, he had a small smile. "Thanks and sorry."

"Why are you saying those things? You would have just taken it for granted before." I felt what I said was a little harsh but it had been said now.

"That's because I don't want to be that person anymore. Look what happened. Fresh start and everything. So you ran…?"

"Yeah. Quite a long way actually. I saw some of your old mates on the way back but they only made me worry more."

"They didn't hurt you or anything did they Howard?" Vince's face was serious.

"No. Just told me nobody had seen you in months and that you were… anyway."

"That I was?" he pestered for the answer.

"A bit… weird or different." I watched his face fall.

"OK." He mumbled quietly. I assumed he felt a bit cut up over that.

"So then after running through all that rain I found this house. Realized Leroy was out so I…"

"You broke in? How? Did you smash through a window?" Vince seemed to be getting overexcited I knew he'd be disappointed with my answer.

"No. I found the spare key under a flower pot."

"Not the most exciting of entrances."

"No." I laughed. "So then…" I felt my mouth go dry. I hadn't explained this many times before. "I ran upstairs, went in your room and then… I… saw you and…" my voice broke. I wiped my eyes quickly before I felt a nervous hand reach for my arm. I felt sure I was going to get a hug but I noticed his worry as he moved his hand away. He thought that I would push him away again. He was scared of what I would do. Guilt poured onto me like the rain that was still falling outside. I reached out for Vince and put both my arms around him as tightly as I could without hurting him. Retelling the story only reminded me of how much he meant to me… even if I was still confused about that I knew it was a lot.

* * *

Later that night after we had cleared up Vince's room we all decided to get some rest. I'd taken the sofa which I had been using for the past few weeks as a bed and Vince had gone up to sleep in his room. I was having trouble sleeping but just as I felt like I was about to drift off I heard light footsteps approaching. I heard the door of my makeshift room creak open.

"Howard? Are you awake?" I heard Vince whisper.

"Yeah. Are you alright?" I sat up.

"Erm… I couldn't sleep."

"Right."

"It's that room Howard, I just can't… it's too much." He was getting agitated.

"Calm down, it's alright.

"Everything that happened in there… all those dark scary nights and then when I…" he was beginning to cry.

"It's all over now."

"Can I… is it all right if I sleep…" he stammered.

"Course you can." I shuffled up the sofa and made room for Vince. He crawled under the duvet next to me.

"Thank you."

Vince fell asleep first, he fidgeted about until his arms were around me and I was wrapped up in a hug.

I'm sure it wasn't long after that I fell asleep.

"Howard…. Howard… no… don't… please don't. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Howard." I woke up to Vince thrashing about and crying in his sleep.

"Shhh… it's OK. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here." I whispered soothingly while stroking his cheek with one hand and his hair with the other.

I fell asleep with Vince snuggled into me, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

* * *

The first shopping trip since Vince's incident was an interesting one. He hadn't been shopping for months and here we were right in the middle of a shopping center Vince had once called 'genius'. Vince was a good actor, his way of trying to convince me that everything was in the past was attempting to do all of his everyday things without any interruptions. Today was Vince's way of proving to me that he didn't need me to take him shopping.

As we walked through the crowds of busy shoppers I could see from the corner of my eye that Vince was having a bit of a hard time. He looked nervous and ready to break down at any moment. But the moment I looked at him properly he would stand up tall with confidence and smile back at me. He was pretending. That made me worry even more.

We reached Topshop. I hated that place but I wanted to keep an eye on Vince and if that meant entering that dreaded shop then I'd do it. I was about to step inside when Vince spun around to look at me.

"What are you doing?" It wasn't aggressive but I knew he wanted me away from him so he could relax and not have to keep faking a smile.

"Oh I was going to come in with you."

"But you _hate _Topshop."

"I'm only coming in just in case you need me." I tried to walk inside but Vince blocked my path.

"I'm not 5!" I think he noticed people were starting to stare.

"I just want to…"

"You're not my Dad! Go away, find something else to do." After raising his voice a little I noticed he looked guilty for snapping. His eyes seemed to beg that he was sorry.

"OK, I'll meet you back out here in half an hour?"

"Make it 45 minutes."

"45 minutes then. Don't forget to bring me the change." It was my way of treating Vince bringing him here. I had persuaded Vince to come here, before it had been the other way round.

I set off in search of a hairdressers that I had once heard Vince mention. I booked an appointment, not for myself of course but for Vince. Hopefully he'd appreciate it and not get offended over the fact I thought he needed his hair done.

In my spare time I went for a coffee in a sweet little café. It made me feel like I was at home although nowhere I had ever lived looked anything like this place. On each table there was a little vase of flowers on top of a checked table cloth to match. My table cloth was red to match the little roses in front of me. A gentle old lady, who owned the place came and sat with me for a chat. I complimented her café and I could easily have spoken to her for much longer. It was good to talk to someone else for a change, somebody who had no idea what I'd been through.

"Here." I handed her the money for my coffee.

"No, no my dear. It's on me." She placed the money back into my hand.

"I insist." I held my hand out to her.

"You needed that coffee, I could tell." She smiled.

"So? It was a lovely coffee. Please take the money I get such a guilty conscience."

"That coffee seemed like a necessity and we don't charge people to use our toilets." She smiled.

"Right well thank you…"

"Violet."

"Violet, my name is Howard. I've got to go and meet my friend."

"A lady friend?" she asked in her soft trusting voice.

"Well… you could say that he is very feminine."

"He? Be sure to bring him along next time." She smiled.

"Of course. Thanks again." I smiled and waved as I left the little café.

I looked at my watch barely hanging on my wrist with its brown close-to-breaking strap. I checked the time before removing it from my wrist and placing it in my pocket. I reached Topshop at the exact meeting time. I sat down on a bench opposite the shop and waited. I knew it was likely Vince would be longer than 45 minutes but I didn't mind waiting.

After another 30 minutes I began to worry before it sank back into my mind that this was normal for Vince to be late. I didn't have to wait much longer as my phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Howard, it's me Vince." He was whispering.

"Is everything OK? Why are you whispering?"

"Erm… I'm sort of… stuck."

"Stuck? Where?"

"In Topshop." Only Vince could manage to do that.

"Right. So you want me to come and find you or will you be OK?"

"Can you come and get me please."

"I'll be there in a moment."

I walked inside the shop. I scanned around for Vince's off-black hair but I couldn't see him anywhere. I walked around a few isles gaining myself several odd looks from customers and staff. I was about to call Vince back until suddenly…

"Argh…" I fell. I realized what had pulled me down. Vince was sat huddled under a rack of coats.

"Sorry."

"What are you doing?" I asked trying to sound casual, hiding the pain from my fall as well as my embarrassment.

"Erm… I was… wondering what the coats looked like from the view of a garden gnome."

"Right… and the real reason?"

"I can't do this on my own. I thought I could Howard, I really did. What sort of person can't go in Topshop on their own?" Vince was getting worked up and a bit tearful.

"I can't either."

"Except you." He smiled through his blurry eyes.

"How long have you been here?"

"Erm… since about 3 minutes after you left. I just sorta' freaked out." He looked at me completely defeated. "Can we go home now Howard?"

"Wait not yet." Disappointment also joined his face. "I think you might like it."

The 'Sapphire Palace' hairdressers wasn't far from Topshop. As we walked inside I watched as Vince's face lit up.

"Why have we come here?" I watched him try to contain his happiness just in case he had the wrong idea.

"My treat." I grinned.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Vince grabbed both my hands before hugging me.

2 hours later Vince jumped off of the hairdresser's chair with his hair re-dyed, trimmed, specially treated, styled and on his face was a genuine smile.


	19. Chapter 19

**The last chapter didn't have too much angst but it's back again this chapter...**

* * *

**VINCE'S P.O.V**

She's talking to me, I can't hear what she's saying. I just can't pay attention. It's not like I don't try. I used to try. But she just keeps banging on about these things that I don't understand and things that don't interest me. Well there was this one time where she asked me to draw a picture of how I was feeling, she then asked if she could keep it. That's the only time she's ever been impressed with me. She said I should concentrate on my art as a way of being positive. But I don't have any art stuff at home. I would ask Howard to go out and buy me some but he's already done more than enough for me. I need to do something in return. I told him that but he just said he wants me to get better. I'm trying, I'm seeing a councilor aren't I? Surely that's better than nothing. The only good thing about this place is this leather chair I'm sitting on, it's all comfy and bouncy.

"Vince?!" she's raising her voice.

"Erm… yeah?"

"This isn't working is it?" You don't say.

"Howard said these things take time."

"Yes, but I don't think your trying very hard."

"What?!" Bitch. If only she knew.

"I think maybe this isn't the best kind of treatment for you." There are more types?

"You can't tell Howard!" He's gonna' kill me!

"He'll find out anyway, look Vince I know you don't want to upset him but you need to do what's best for you. It's obvious that you still need a lot of help."

"I don't need your help!" OK I'm starting to shout.

"Maybe not _my_ help but I'm sure we could find another form of therapy that would be better for you."

"So I've wasted all of this time…" I barely even know what month it is let alone the day of the week but it must be either a Tuesday or a Friday or I wouldn't be sat in this chair.

"5 months."

"I knew that. When there was something better all along."

"Vince, it hasn't been a waste, but I can see this is angering you. Take a few deep breaths."

"No. I'm leaving." I didn't need her advice she had been useless so far.

Why is she following me? I can see Howard sat at the end of the corridor. I'm walking a few paces faster than… than… I don't even know her name. Stalker-mind-intruding woman shall be her name.

"Howard, quick let's get out of here." I'm tugging at his arm trying to pull him out of his chair.

"Woah Little Man, your out early. Is everything alright?" he called me Little Man. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Yes let's go." Still tugging at him and he's still not moving.

"Mr Moon?" she's finally caught up with me.

"Yes, hello. Is everything OK?"

"Well Vince and I have been talking and we have come to the conclusion that this isn't the best recovery route for him."

"Oh. I see." I'd disappointed him.

"Also, I'd like to change Vince's prescription."

"Less pills?" there was hope in his voice.

"Erm… no unfortunately we are putting him on something a bit stronger."

"Oh no…" Yup, I'd really, really disappointed him.

"I _am_ still here you know. I'm going." Just walking away. I can hear Howard's footsteps behind me.

Howard collected my new prescription later that day. I didn't want to admit it but the pills did help me.

"You don't need these Vince." He grumbled as he placed the brown paper bag down on the table in front of me.

"I do." I took the packet out of the bag.

"You don't need to pretend for me you know? I know you didn't like telling that complete stranger your life story so she probably got the wrong end of the stick and accidentally gave you a misdiagnosis." he tried to come up with an excuse.

"No Howard."

"You hear about these things all the time."

"Do you?"

"Yeah…in magazines and documentaries."

"I need these."

I began opening the packet and breaking the silver seal.

"No you don't! She's wrong, I'm right."

"It's her job."

"So? She doesn't even know you."

"And you mean to say that you do?"

"Yes."

"I need these." I said again.

"Stop saying that! You don't!"

I ignored him and put the tiny capsule in my hand. I just stared at it.

"Don't take it. You change when you take them… and these ones are stronger you'll be even more different." Howard sounded like he was about to cry. I couldn't look at him.

"Good."

"What?"

"I said good."

"I know what you said, I meant why."

"Because I don't like being sad, I don't like who I am anymore Howard." I popped the pill into my mouth and watched Howard's face fall even further.

They were a lot stronger.

* * *

**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

I hated it when Vince took the anti-depressants. Every time he swallows one I can feel my heart breaking. I wasn't enough to make him better. I broke him but I can't put him back together. How cruel is that? He must be addicted to them or something because he doesn't seem to care that he's taking them. Then when they take affect he goes all quiet and just sits. It's been months now probably about six. I thought we'd be back to normal by now. I just feel even further away from him.

Vince was sat on the sofa watching some cartoon. I wondered if he was even paying attention to it. I can't tell anymore.

"Vince, are you watching this or can I turn it over?" I stood in front of the T.V, that way there was a good chance of him paying slightly more attention.

"Mmm."

"Was that a yes?"

"Yeah."

"So yes you're watching this or yes I can turn it over?"

"I don't mind."

"Can you at least try to string a sentence together? For my sake at least."

"I said I don't mind."

"Well I'm going to turn it over anyway if you won't give me a proper answer… something educational."

Vince said nothing.

I could see what Leroy meant when he said he lost it and ended up threatening to kick Vince out. Just for a response. Not that I would do something that extreme.

I grabbed the remote off the sofa and switched the channel over to a documentary on Stone Henge, normally I would have had given the program my full attention but I just couldn't focus. I needed to know what was going on in his head.

"What are you thinking Vince?"

"Nothing." he stared at the pale blue wall.

"You must be thinking something." I sighed.

"Nope."

"I'm trying to help you. I want to help you."

"I don't need your help." His tone remained the same, he didn't sound angry.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Help me instead." I pleaded.

"You don't need my help."

"I do. Just talk to me. It makes me feel better."

"OK well… I'm thinking about… you." he quickly turned to face me.

"Me?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah. You and Louisa."

"That's in the past." I said a bit too defensively.

"What happened?"

"I changed my mind."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Did you love someone else?" I hesitated. I couldn't tell him a single detail without revealing everything else.

"Vince, can you just leave it?"

"What made you come back to me?" I heard the glimmer of hope in his voice.

"I had nowhere else to go." I could see where this conversation was going and I Howard Moon wasn't going to be forced into anything.

"You could have stayed."

"With her? I don't think so."

"Was she really that bad?"

"Look, you don't understand."

"You're right. Of course I don't. Explain." He was hurt. He didn't like being on the outside.

"It's a waste of time. You don't take in anything in."

"I promise I'll listen this time." He reached out for my arm to reassure me.

"It wasn't that I didn't love her, something else just got in the way." I began.

"So you still love her?" his tone dropped.

"I don't know. I think so. A little bit. After everything she did she was still a big part of my life for a long time, we did everything together. Although we never tied the knot I think I still do… just not enough to marry her."

"What is so bad that you wont tell me?" he sounded completely crushed.

"It's not easy."

"Howard I trust you. So, so much. But you don't seem to trust me at all. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because the moment I talk about it I can't hold myself together! I have to be strong for you, the moment I break down how the hell are you meant to have any faith in me?"

"I'll always have faith in you… no matter what." He looked deeply into my eyes.

"Why would you do that?" How could anyone rely on me when all I do is go around breaking people. I've already done so much damage.

"Because I love you Howard." He burst with confidence before falling back into a shadow of what he used to be. He physically seemed to get smaller as he hugged his knees to his chest.

"No. You really don't. Stop mocking me Vince. People only ever say that when they want to ruin me. Look at what happened with Louisa!"

"I'm not mocking you. How the hell can you not see that Howard? When you went away I was completely torn apart. I couldn't get on with my life because all I could think about was how much _you_ meant to me and how I would probably never see you again. The only thing that prevented me taking that overdose before was the fact I had so much faith in _you_. I wanted to keep myself going for the day you came back to tell me that it hadn't worked out in France, that there was someone else you loved more. That you had come back to me because you realized there was so much more to me and you. Even when I lost most of my faith in you and did what I did I still wrote you a note and left a voicemail with a bit of hope that you would return. But now I know I was right to believe in you… because here you are." By the time he had finished speaking we both had tears streaming down our faces.

I held my hand out to Vince's face and wiped the tears off of his cheeks. Vince's blue eyes were so wide and full of hope at this point that I prayed what I was to do next was what he was hoping for. Before I had anytime to question it my lips had collided into Vince's, I felt him go weak as I continued holding his face as we kissed, I felt Vince's lips part so I parted my own to allow him what he wanted. Quickly he pulled away. I opened my eyes to see a very fearful looking Vince.

"W-w-hats wrong?" I tried to get my breath back.

"It's just that…" he began without making eye contact.

"What?" had I scared him? What if he didn't want that all along?

"This isn't you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're only doing this… because you think it will help me."

I paused. What was I to say? His mood had changed in an instant. Those stupid pills.

"See I'm right aren't I?" Vince shook his head and strained a laugh.

"No!" that's all I could manage.

"There wasn't a point in that. You didn't feel the same. For a moment I thought you did the way you… but no. I can't force you into this. You don't love me. End of. I thought we could be together, I hoped you'd feel the same but… this… this is just sick." He was crying again and moved away from me.

"No. You don't understand…"

"You're my best friend and I'm trying to change you… us… something we're not. I am so, so sorry." He stood up and ran from the room.

"Vince come back!" I called out to him. I heard footsteps on the staircase. I quickly stood up and chased after him. I heard his bedroom door slam shut and I reached the door just as I heard the key in the lock.

"Vince?" I peered through the key hole. I could only see darkness.

"Go away." He sobbed.

"Please… just… unlock this door." I panicked. Although I knew the door wouldn't open I tried using the handle.

"No."

"Vince! Open this door right now!" I shouted. I searched my mental image of the room hoping nothing dangerous had been left inside. I thought of all the empty glass bottles, I cursed myself for not getting rid of them. I hadn't seen the rush to do it before as Vince had been sleeping with me on the sofa. Now all he had to do was smash one of those bottles and…

"Leave me alone." He cried.

"I will… as soon as you unlock this door."

"I don't believe you!" he shouted back.

"What happened to all the faith you had in me?" I said as softly as I could to try and ease the situation.

"I… don't know." His voice was a little softer.

"Please I'm begging you Vince, open this door!" I banged on the door as hard as I could.

"Why?"

"Because I'm worried…"

"About what?"

"That you might do something stupid." His behavior was erratic and completely out of character.

"Oh right… I see trying to ease your conscience… couldn't save me last time but now…"

"Please! You don't understand."

"Then bloody well explain to me!" he shrieked.

"I'm… confused." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I'm confused… about…" suddenly I was interrupted by the sound of a window being opened. "Don't Vince! Please, please don't." I cried. Leroy emerged from his room, he'd heard everything and he quickly ran downstairs and I assumed he had gone below the window as I heard the front door open.

"Why shouldn't I? All I've ever caused you is upset and worry I can let you go and be happy now. Go out and live your life, have fun. You don't have to baby-sit me anymore. I'm really sorry for everything." He cried even louder.

"Because… I-I- love you."

"W-w-what?" Vince stammered.

"I… love you." I replied with more confidence.

Silence.

"You're lying." His voice was hopeless.

"I promise you I'm not. I'll tell you everything. Why I left Louisa… the whole truth. Just please come out."

Floorboards creaked as he slowly walked towards the door. The turning of the key in the lock was like jazz to my ears. I watched the door handle lowered before the door swung open. Vince stood there staring at the ground and tears continued to trickle down his face. As calmly as I could I put my arms around him and let out my own tears as we cried together. I felt more weight on me as Vince began to get weaker. Slowly I lowered him to the ground so his back was against the wall and legs out in front of him I still had my hands firmly holding Vince's arms. I looked into his tired eyes and realized the road to recovery was a lot longer than I had first thought.


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm going to try and upload as much as possible over the next few days as I'm going on holiday so I won't be able to update.**

**Sorry this chapter is a little bit short.  
**

**Please leave me a review so I know what you think of the story so far :)  
**

* * *

"Howard? Where are my pills?" Vince scanned the room. He flicked on a little lamp to lighten up the room more. I hadn't realized the sun had set and the single bulb hanging from the ceiling really didn't provide us with too much light.

I was sat on the nutmeg brown sofa reading the jobs section at the back of a newspaper.

"Maybe you accidentally threw them away?" I tried to carry on reading. Well done Howard Moon you just made it obvious.

"I'm not that stupid Howard. I need them!" I peered over my newspaper and watched as his search upped a level. He began lifting random objects up looking for them. "I bet it's one of Leroy's mates." Vince usually made himself invisible whenever we had visitors. "Leroy?!" He called out.

"Yeah mate, what is it?" He peaked round the living room doorway.

"You haven't seen my tablets have you?"

"No sorry I haven't." he began to move away.

"Or your friends? You know what some of them are like they might have…"

"No, they wouldn't do that. They aren't that mean."

I began to feel guilty. Leroy thought hiding the tablets would be a mean trick and that was exactly what I had done.

"But…"

"No Vince, please stop accusing people. Not everyone is out to get you." Leroy silenced Vince before walking off to do something. Leroy was a man of mystery, I had only a little insight into his life and I felt bad as I was living in his house.

"Where are they?!" Vince shrieked in frustration.

"Maybe… er…"

"Help me! I really need to find them!" he walked over to the sofa I was sat on, searched under the cushions and flung them off.

"I can't… I've got to… look for a job."

"Please Howard, you can do that later." He reached the wooden chest of draws that the T.V was perched on top of.

"You can do _this_ later, you don't need them anyway!"

"I do! I do!" he pulled the top draw open rummaging around franticly, sighing and grumbling. I couldn't watch him desperately search when I could help him.

"You don't need them. They aren't in…" slowly Vince turned around, his expression venomous.

"You know where they are don't you?!"

"No… I…"

"Don't you!" He screamed. "I'm not stupid Howard! You slipped up, I know you've hidden them! Why the fuck are you doing this to me?!"

"Vince… please!" I begged.

"Why? You said you loved me? Or was that another lie?"

"Another lie?"

"Your lying to me now!"

"I… can't love you… when you take those things."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said! I still mean what I said, but you change. You're not the same person and I don't love anyone else but you. Is that so hard to understand?"

"Give them to me Howard!" he shouted. He didn't care for a single word I had just said.

"I can't." I managed to whisper. My throat was trying to prevent me from speaking and to make the situation worse.

From nowhere Vince lunged at me, he grabbed my shirt as his hand went to my trouser pocket he was like a vicious animal. My natural response was something I couldn't control, like a reflex action. One of my hands pushed him away from my chest the other punched Vince in the face. I watched on in horror as Vince crashed to the wooden floor boards. I must have used such force as he didn't have anytime to put his arms out to break his fall. The other cheek that my fist hadn't collided with had smashed into the floor.

I felt the blood draining from my face as I forced myself to look down at Vince who was now on the floor crying as he used the last of his strength to prop himself up slightly on his arm to face me. His eyes avoided me and he gazed at the ground. The guilt swallowed me up and I reached down into my pocket to retrieve the tablets.

"I am so, so sorry." I crouched onto my knees and put the packet down on the floor in front of Vince. My voice was shaky and out of my control. "Vince… please look at me." Vince ignored me. "I am so sorry, please I didn't mean to do that…I was just trying to do the best thing and I'm sorry. Just talk to me. Say something." Nothing again. I watched the tears trickle down his quickly bruising cheeks. "No. Don't say anything. I don't deserve it. You just…" My mouth was dry and I struggled to speak. Slowly I stood up. I felt so ashamed. How many more times was I going to hurt him? I turned away and went to leave the room.

"Howard."

I spun round. He was looking at me. He even made eye contact.

"Can you help me up?" I felt like I had just attacked a child, the way he looked curled up on the floor and had now asked me… his attacker for help. I reached down for his arms but I didn't want to hurt him anymore so I crouched down and put my arms under his knees and behind his back to support him as I raised him off the ground. My eyes stung and tears welled in my eyes which worried me as I now had Vince in my arms and I didn't want to trip over and cause him more damage. This was probably the closest we had been all week as I carried him over to the sofa we shared for a bed. Gently I put him down and reached behind the sofa to pull out a duvet and pillows.

"I'll sleep in your bed tonight." I placed the duvet on top of him and pillows behind his head.

"No." was all he said.

"Ok sorry, I'll sleep on the floor." I knew I had done something so very wrong but the rejection added to my pain.

"No. I don't want to be on my own."

"You want me to sleep on there with you… after everything…" I stammered.

Vince nodded in reply.

"I don't deserve you." I said.

"And I don't deserve you."

He moved back the covers. I switched off the light and joined him. He snuggled back into me. The sofa was so incredibly cramped that I felt he had no choice until he turned to face me and leant into my chest.


	21. Chapter 21

**One last update for my lovely readers before I go on holiday :)**

**I hope you enjoy it. Please review x  
**

* * *

I needed to get out of the house. Away from everything. I didn't have many people to talk to and I felt a little stupid for considering it really, but I knew of a little place where I could also get a nice cup of tea made for me and a chat.

"Howard, it's nice to see you again. Where's you're friend?" Violet spoke to me from over the wooden counter.

"He's at home. He doesn't really come out much."

"That's a shame."

"Yes he's missing out on a great cuppa." I smiled.

"I'll be with you in a moment, my shift ends in about five minutes." She handed me my cup of tea.

I sat down at a table. Purple table cloth this time with some lovely purple flowers (I had no idea what type they were) sat in front of me. I was beginning to wonder why I had come here. We hadn't known each other very long but already we had become good friends. Last time our conversation had involved her telling me about her husband and the rough patch they had been going through, so I assumed that it would be ok if she was to listen and advise in the way I had done for her. I hoped my expectations weren't too high. The café was quite empty but outside many shoppers rushed passed carrying dozens of carrier bags. Every single one of them mad, who in their right mind would push their way through the crowds for fun?

Violet brought over her own coffee and sat down opposite me.

"How's it going with Phillip?" I asked. Phillip was her husband.

"Really well, it's as if nothing happened."

"Good. I know this might be asking a lot of you. I feel a little embarrassed really…"

"Go on Howard, I'm always here to listen."

"No but it's…"

"Don't be silly you were brilliant the other day. So what can I do for you?" she smiled and waited.

"It's Vince."

"I see…" she paused. "Is he any better?"

I'd previously told her about Vince. She was shocked and deeply saddened. Now I had so much more to pile on her. I did think it would be so much easier to just stand up and walk out before I had said anything.

"No. It's… I don't know. I made it worse."

"I'm sure you didn't. What happened?"

"I… last night… I thought I could make things better. I hid his anti-depressants." I couldn't look Violet in the eye. What a cruel, cruel thing I did. "But… I didn't do it to be mean."

"I know you wouldn't do that."

"I did it because… I wanted to help him. I don't think… well I didn't think Vince needed them. I thought well I suppose I was hoping he was just taking them for the sake of it."

"He didn't react to well?"

I shook my head. That was an understatement. "No. He isn't the same person when he takes them. Why can't I just accept that and just work around it? Why do I always have to feel that I know best and have it my way?"

"Because he means a lot to you. You only want to help and if you can think of anything that might help him then I know you would try it. It hurts you to see him like that and you're probably very worried that he might never go back to how he used to be so you're blaming the pills."

"But why can't I just accept it the way other people do?"

"Because you love him." I hadn't told her that. I think she noticed the shock on my face. "Howard it's obvious, when you talk about him your eyes glisten you're always so proud of how far he's come and you just light up. You're just so devoted to that man, he has no idea how lucky he is."

"But he's not. He could have had anyone. I selfishly took the pills away from him just so I could have what I wanted."

"You're only looking out for him."

"He begged me. I just said no. Then I… stupidly told him I didn't love him when he took them. I thought it might get him to stop. So incredibly stupid." I banged my fist against the table.

"Howard, this isn't me having a go at you or going against you, but you have to be so careful what you say. From what you have told me he relies on you so much and something like that could easily… set him off."

"I know and I still do it." I put my head in my hands.

"You need a break."

"You mean as in a holiday?" I looked up at her, was she mad? I couldn't leave Vince.

"Mmm sort of. You need to spend a bit of time away from Vince."

"No! I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because… he needs me."

"I thought you said he had someone else at home too? Are you sure it's not because you need him?"

"Of course I need him. Yes Leroy, but that doesn't mean I can leave him." I admitted.

"You're both too attached. I hate to say it but I'm guessing because you're around him so much he must be bringing you down."

He does but that isn't the point, I really didn't care about that. The point was I was there to raise Vince's spirits or at least try to. Not that I'd been very good at that recently.

"He is too attached. I mean yesterday I…" I couldn't believe I was going to admit to this. I felt sure I would never have to mention it again "When Vince noticed the tablets were in my pocket… he lunged for them but then I…"

"What?" she said sympathetically reaching out to hold my hand.

"I didn't mean to. I promise I'd never do anything like that on purpose. It was an accident. I really didn't want him to take them. I didn't want to give into him I thought being firm and not allow him to have them would… make him realize… but I…" I paused and managed to find the confidence to say the words out loud "I pushed him away and I-I punched him."

Violet stayed calm. She didn't look angry or disgusted at me. I thought I would surely lose her as a friend.

"You only want what is best for Vince." I could see she was struggling with what to say next.

"But it shouldn't have ended with that. He fell to the floor and ended up with even more injuries. I can't even look at him anymore, his face is bruised and swollen."

"Have you spoken about it?"

"No, not really. I said sorry over and over again. He asked me to stay with him last night. We slept on the sofa together like nothing had happened. I did say I'd sleep somewhere else but he wouldn't let me."

"He needs some more independence. It breaks my heart listening to this Howard. I am so sorry you have to go through this." She said sincerely. "He's forgiven you?"

"I think so. Deep down probably not. I'm worried he might bottle it up. Use it against me one day and I know he could build such a strong case against me. All of the things I have done wrong."

"You're one of the only people he has and I'm sure no matter what you do he will forgive you. I know you feel guilty enough as it is after what you have done so I'm not going to shout or make you feel any worse but Vince relies on you so much he can't hold a grudge. I don't think it's healthy. You need to be careful Howard. Get him to do things for you, that way it's an even relationship."

"You think I'm too controlling?" I snapped a little. I blamed it on the new reflex actions I seem to have gained.

"No, no of course not. Just the way he looks up to you so much."

"Right."

"You need to stop blaming yourself. None of this was your fault."

"How can you say that?"

"Because from an outsiders view you have had a lot of bad luck."

"If I hadn't met that stupid woman in the first place we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Could you really have avoided meeting her?"

"No." I slowly began to realize that meeting Louisa wasn't thanks to me but their series of sick and twisted plans.

"There you are then. It's not your fault."

"That's what Vince said after I told him about the wedding and everything."

"Oh yes, how did he respond to that?"

"_Ok, well I promised you I'd tell you the truth." I'd decided that the conversation would be formal so had made Vince sit at the dinner table opposite me._

"_I'm listening."_

_I explained what had happened throughout my time in Paris right up till the day of the wedding._

"_I knew there was something wrong from the moment I met her family. This uncle she had, Pierre seemed to have something against me. He used to say really strange things. I had no idea what he was going on about and Louisa would always rush me away from the situation and refuse to tell me what was going on."_

_I remember watching Vince shudder a little every time I said Louisa's name._

"_She insisted on getting married as quickly as possible. I didn't want to rush but then I realized I couldn't let her go as I'd never have another chance."_

"_But you do. You've got me." Vince reached out to hold my hand and I let him._

"_I know Little Man." I watched him smile before continuing. "I was stood at the altar then Pierre began shouting that I was a murderer." Vince look completely shocked, his mouth gaped open a little._

"_Why did he say that?"_

_I couldn't contain my tears and let them fall._

"_You're not a murderer." He continued._

"_Remember that accident?"_

"_What accident?"_

"_That car accident… when I hit that girl?" I struggled._

"_That was years ago." He nodded as he remembered._

"_It was a plot for the family to get justice. That girl was Louisa's cousin." I studied Vince's confused expression. "Louisa began wanting revenge, turns out the whole family knew what was going on apart from me. They had planned all along that they were going to embarrass me in one of the worst ways possible. Something changed though. Louisa said she realized I hadn't done it on purpose and actually began to love me. The whole family had agreed to forget the whole situation and allow me to move on. Except Pierre. He was the girl's dad." I sobbed._

_Vince gasped. "How could they do that? To you of all people."_

"_But that's what I am."_

"_Don't say that. It was an accident." I really wanted to believe him, believe that I was innocent._

"_Louisa just stood there and wouldn't talk to me. I was left to stand in front of everybody while Pierre carried on calling me a murderer. I never ever forgot that day and they made sure I would never forget it. It was all a lie. I was just a bit of entertainment. Think of everything that went on behind my back. To think I could have married into that family and never known of what they knew…"_

"_You didn't deserve that. A cruel nasty trick." Vince had now stood up and held both of my hands as he stood round my side of the table._

"_Then she told me…that they'd…got rid of you." I cried harder and Vince moved closer to hug me. "Then it all made sense. I'd accused you and you'd done nothing wrong. I just walked away. Louisa said she still wanted to marry me but I couldn't do that. So I got the Eurostar back to London. I was in a taxi, I thought things couldn't get any worse then I got your voicemail." I decided to stop there, Vince knew the rest of the story. "I let you down in the worst way imaginable."_

"_No." Vince shook his head._

"_I did, look at what happened."_

"_We were unlucky. It's not your fault." Vince silenced me with a soft kiss on the lips._

"He reacted better than I could have imagined. He apologized for the fact I couldn't tell him sooner. He didn't make fun at me and say 'I told you so', he just sat with me and let me cry about it. He stayed strong for me."

"Sounds to me that you have both done so well coping with everything." Violet's soft voice calmed me down a little.

"You wouldn't think that if you lived in our house."

"Maybe not. But you've stood by him which is what he needs. How about doing something for you? You never know Vince might enjoy it?"

"You couldn't get two people more different." I laughed.

"They say opposites attract?" Violet suggested. I thought about that for a moment. She had a point.

"I've just had an idea… thanks so much for the chat. I am so grateful." I stood up.

"I enjoy our little chats… even if they aren't too jolly." She smiled.

I placed the money for my tea down on the table.

"Howard!" she sighed. "You don't need to pay me for that."

"I insist." Before she had the time to argue I had already left the café and was making my way home.

When I got home Vince was sat watching daytime T.V on the sofa.

"Vince, go fill a suitcase." I walked over to the T.V and switched it off.

"Hey, I was watching that… w-w-where am I going?" for a moment I heard the old Vince resurfacing.

"It's a surprise."

"But Howard I hate surprises." Vince turned to look at me and I winced at his badly bruised face. I couldn't even look at him without feeling guilty anymore.

"You used to love them."

"Mmm."

"Look I promise it will be a nice surprise, hopefully you will like it."

"Alright. How many suitcases?"

"Don't get too carried away, just the one."

I put a few bits and pieces in his suitcase. The essentials e.g. a toothbrush. I also put Vince's hair straighterners in after I noticed he had left them. He hadn't used them for a very long time, I liked his natural look with the slight wave of his hair but I had to try to put things back together.

"Are you ready Vince?" I called up the stairs.

"Yup, nearly." He replied. He emerged carrying a black wheelie suitcase covered in stickers.

"You alright there? Shall I bring it down for you?"

"Nah, you're alright." The next thing I knew Vince had pushed the suitcase down the stairs, I had to jump out of it's way as it clattered to the bottom step.

"That's one way of doing it." I laughed.

"Sorry Howard." He walked down the stairs to pick up his suitcase.

"Just put your suitcase in the car."

"Leroy's car? Have you asked him?"

"Nope. I'm sure he won't mind. I'm Howard Moon, living life dangerously. I don't have to ask for anything, I do what I want Sir."

"Sure you do Howard."

"Do you think I should leave a note?"

Vince just laughed and pushed me towards the door.


	22. Chapter 22

**Back from my holiday so here is another chapter. Sorry it's not much but as I'd been away and haven't updated I thought I had to update you with something.  
**

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We set off on the car journey… it was only meant to take four hours. I've always hated driving and it would have been handy if Vince knew how to drive. Vince nodded off pretty quickly so I spent at least two and a half hours bored out of my mind. Where we were headed was a place I'd spent many a British summer when I was younger, I knew this wasn't going to be Vince's '_thing_' but I needed to get away from London just as much as he did.

Three hours in and I had to give into the temptation of visiting a service station. I really hadn't prepared much for our little trip away, but it was a spare of the moment thing.

I looked over at Vince who was peacefully sleeping. I had two options, I let him sleep with the chance of him waking up and worrying where I had got to or wake him up and let him choose something for tea.

"Vince?" I said softly while gently shaking his shoulder.

"Are we here?" his eyes fluttered open. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Nope, just thought I'd tell you I'm off to go to the loo and I was wondering if you fancied choosing dinner?"

"Sure."

We got out of Leroy's rusty-red car and made our way up to the little shop. It always amazed me the things you could buy at a service station.

"Right I'm just going to the toilet, you can pick our dinner then meet me back at the car." I handed Vince a 20 pound note. He just looked at it for a while before looking back up at me. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm going in on my own?"

"Don't you want to? It won't take long."

"But they are all strangers in there…" he pointed behind him to the shop. He had to do things independently at some point. He had managed to go into to TopShop that one time.

"You'll be fine."

"But…"

"It's just a shop Vince!" I began to lose my patience a little and I really needed the toilet. I shouldn't have raised my voice but we couldn't keep this up. Vince bowed his head a little, avoiding my glance.

"Ok." He mumbled before turning away to walk into the shop.

"Come here." I pulled him to me and kissed his cheek. Vince smiled and blushed. He looked around nervously to see if anybody was watching. "You've been mistaken for my wife many times… I'm sure people won't think different now." Vince laughed a little in response. I let go of Vince's arm and started to walk in the direction of the toilets. I looked over my shoulder and noticed Vince was looking my way nervously as he walked into the shop. I caught his gaze and he quickly faked a smile.

I sat in the car for about ten minutes before Vince returned with two carrier bags.

"What have you bought?" I asked. I waited for him to tell a story of how they only stocked sweets and chocolate but he pulled out each item from the first bag one by one.

"Two microwave chicken kormas, a can of baked beans, a loaf of bread, carton of milk and teabags." I was pleasantly surprised that Vince had managed to pick out some essential foods, he had never bought anything like that before. I also felt a little bit disappointed that he wasn't his old self when it came to food shopping and hadn't bought really silly things. "Well done." I smiled. "What's in the other bag?"

"Erm… strawberry laces, flying saucers, KitKat, diet Coke, Pot Noodle and some marshmallows." I probably looked really funny with a big grin plastered over my face. "Howard? What is it? Is there something on my face?"

"No, no." I laughed. I put the keys in the ignition and started the car.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just… so you."

"So me? I'm always me. Are you OK?"

"I'm brilliant."

I felt sure that at the service station it would be another hours drive but I later realized once the sun had set that we must have taken a wrong turning.

"Are we lost?" Vince had been quiet for at least an hour, he hadn't said a word.

"No… of course not… you're with me Howard Moon. I'm a navigator me, I have a degree in map reading."

"You're not even using a map."

"I don't need to… my brain is a map."

"Map of what?"

"Everywhere? Look I'm sure we can find this place."

"OK we've gone the wrong way." I sighed about half an hour later.

"So we are lost?" I watched a tiny smile creep up on Vince's face.

"No… we're not… because I know that we went the wrong way a while ago. We can pull over here and I'll see if we have a map in the back."

"How is that going to help… we don't know where we are."

I stopped the car in a small car park. I hadn't seen another driver since we began driving through this patch of countryside. We were in the middle of Dartmoor and that was all I knew. I got out the car and noticed the darkness was going to be a problem.

"Is there a little light switch in the front?"

"Yep." I heard a click. "It doesn't work."

"Fantastic." I sighed sarcastically.

"Now what?"

"You stay here, I'm just going off for a little walk."

"What! You're going to leave me in the middle of the countryside on my own? What if something bad happens? Remember Kodiak Jack? What if someone like him sees me and thinks I'm a woman again, you might not get back in time."

"I wont be long."

Hopefully I'd find a farm house or somewhere where I could get directions. I shut the car door and started to walk into the distance.

**VINCE'S P.O.V**

Now what? Howard abandoned me in the middle of a load of fields and hills. What was I meant to do, just sit in the darkness and wait for him to come back? I really wanted to go with him. I couldn't bare the thought of being left alone. He left before I had the chance to go with him. He probably didn't want me there anyway, I think I bring him down. That's what I tell him all the time but he says I'm wrong. I think he's tired of being around me. I've noticed recently that he tries to get away from me, this holiday is probably to prove to himself that London is the reason for all this when it isn't... it's me. I find it difficult after what I've put us through… if only I could learn to control my bloody feelings we wouldn't be in this mess. Howard still blames himself, but he shouldn't. Then the other night when he hit me, it was my fault. How else was he meant to react? I never realized before how hard he could punch.

My face was still hurting from that and all I wanted was a block of ice to make it feel better. I looked out the window. No signs of ice, just endless fields and darkness. It felt like I was falling into a typical horror movie scene where the group gets separated and it's all dark and creepy. I felt sure some crazy character was going to pop up out of nowhere and try to kill me or something… see a few months before I wouldn't have minded. What if something killed Howard? Then I'd be helpless and all alone again. I'd be back where I was in such an awful way. I picked up my black hoody from the floor of the car and put it on. I zipped it right up and pulled the hood over my head as I snuggled into the chair wrapping my arms around it pretending it was Howard. What if he didn't come back? Why had I been so stupid and let him go alone where anything could happen? I tried to hide those thoughts at the back of my mind somewhere behind the boxes of bubbles and ducks. Bubbles and ducks… bubbles and ducks… I repeated it over and over again in my head trying to forget all the bad things that could happen.


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry it's been so long since I last updated! I've been so busy but I'll try and post more regularly.**

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I shuddered as I heard the footsteps approaching the car. The first thought in my head was 'Howard' but I'd had these illusions before back when I was 'ill'. People say I'm still ill. Howard doesn't and I like that. My mind went back to who was outside and I pulled my hoody as far as I could over my face. What if it wasn't Howard? I hoped they would just keep on walking but by this point I hadn't seen cars for a while, at least not since we parked up.

The door swung open and I let out a strange sort of squeak.

"Vince, it's ok it's just me." I felt so relieved to hear his voice I dived across the passengers seat and grabbed his waist into a hug, I felt Howard stroking my hair from under my hoody. It felt nice.

**HOWARD'S P.O.V**

"Hey calm down little man." I ruffled Vince's hair and pulled the hood down off his head.

"I thought you might not come back!" he looked up at me with his big blue eyes. I knew he was telling the truth as he didn't avoid my glance and honesty was plastered across his face. He looked a little shaken.

"I always come back."

"But you never know what's out there waiting in the darkness!" he glanced around the fields and trees that surrounded where we had parked. It upset me to see him so nervous. I couldn't believe he used to be so confident.

"Well I'm back now."

"Yeah." He sighed. "Now what?"

"I can barely keep my eyes open."

"We sleeping here then?"

"Is that Ok?"

"Mmmm…"

"If it's not I'll give driving a go…"

"No!" he raised his voice before saying softly "No, it's Ok I really don't mind."

I got out the car once again to check if the back seat could be adjusted. We were in luck.

"You can sleep here." I gestured to the folded down back seat.

"That's big enough for two."

"I don't mind sleeping upright."

"Well I mind!" Vince pleaded at me with his wide blue eyes.

"I suppose there is enough room…" I shuffled over to make space for Vince as he opened the front passenger door to get out. He climbed into the back and lay down on his side of out make-shift bed. I joined him and he rested his head on my chest.

I was woken by the sound of shock the next morning, Vince had woken with a start.

"Sorry Howard, I thought we'd been abducted or something." He smiled sleepily.

"It's ten past nine." I announced looking at the time on the car radio.

"Can we eat now?"

"You don't need to ask me." The day light allowed me to spot the map hanging in the back of the front seats pocket. I sat up and spread it across my lap. The pages were a little dog eared and torn in places. I managed to find Dartmoor pretty quickly.

We folded up the back seats of the car and set off shortly after. Vince and I sat in silence for the rest of the journey, I asked Vince if he wanted to listen to the radio,

"No. I'm enjoying the silence." Was what he replied. I wondered if he was being sarcastic but I left it figuring he'd turn it on himself if he really wanted to.

We managed to find the holiday site eventually so we headed off to reception to pick up the keys.

"Hello, sorry we were meant to arrive yesterday but we…"

"Got lost." Vince finished for me grinning. We weren't really lost… I just needed a map to just understand my surroundings. My tiny eyes could be a set back and one of the minus features is they aren't on top form in the dark.

"Good morning Sir and Madame. What name have you booked under?"

"Mr Noir and Mr Moon." Vince decided to take over. Considering he had been scared to enter a service station alone I was very surprised.

"Oh that's strange, we only have a Mr Moon and Miss Noir?" she eyed Vince strangely and a little confused.

"Yeah that's right." I quickly butted in forcing my way in front of Vince and faking a big smile. The receptionist handed me the keys and I turned around taking in the bright paint splatters of modern art on the walls.

I was greeted by an upset Vince who was sat on a chair swinging his legs and his arms were crossed tightly across his chest. He stood up and walked a few paces ahead of me.

"You wish I was a woman don't you?" he mumbled sadly under his breath.

"No…I" I stammered.

"Don't you!" he raised his voice stopping his pace dead till he was right in my face.

"Look no, that's not true! I like you Vince, whatever you are!" I felt guilty and I had deliberately booked it Miss Noir. I still hadn't fully accepted the fact that I was actually gay and I worried what people would think.

"Whatever I am? You make me sound like a freak or some sort of animal!"

"I didn't mean it like that! You know I don't think that! It must have been just a mistake, happens all the time."

"You're lying. You've done this before." He began his fast pace again after grabbing the keys from my hand.

"No! Vince? Vince! Come back!" I shouted after him.

I knew he wouldn't like it here and the fact he was in a bad mood meant he would tell me the whole truth of what he thought of this place, he wouldn't hold back. I had booked a nice little Chalet with a beautiful sea view, inside it wasn't perfect but it was a place to stay for a break away from London.

I caught up with Vince who was sat on a white plastic chair on the wooden decking that was the balcony, arms crossed again but I could see he liked the sea view from the way he was gazing towards it. He stood up and opened the chalet door.

"Howard, it smells in here!" I had to admit it's scent was a bit damp. I also realized that they hadn't redecorated since my last holiday here and even back then it was in need of an update. "Howard? I really don't like it here." He sat in the lounge which was also a dinning room. You could also call it the hallway as it had the balcony/front door leading off it.

It reached the evening and the sky was now dotted with stars. I had faced Vince's never ending complaints all day.

Why did we have to come here? Was it the cheapest you could find? That bathroom is horrible! Can we book a hotel?

"Why do you have to be so ungrateful?" I lost my temper. I couldn't help it. Vince's face dropped. "I've booked this for both of us, I think we both need time away from that house after everything that's happened there. As much as I thought you could do with this I've also booked this holiday for _me _just as much as you, I also need a break. I need to get away!"

"Get away? If you really wanted to get away from me then why bring me along?" Vince copied my angry tone.

"You are missing the point completely! Not a break away from _you _a break away from the past and all the bad things!" I could hear Violet's voice in my head telling me to stop and be careful but I couldn't control what I needed to say. "How the hell do you manage to still be so depressed? I do everything for you and even then it's not enough! How much is enough? I've been through things and lost people that are close to me but you haven't lost anything. You have everything back and still you're…" I felt a lump forming in my throat stopping me from talking. Just what I needed to make me shut up.

"I'm sorry." Vince's voice cracked and I turned away from the sea view to see Vince sat on the sofa huddling his knees and tears streaming down his face. The guilt almost destroyed me. I quickly sat next to him and put my arms around him Vince didn't relax in my arms, he stayed perfectly still.

"Please don't… just… leave me alone."

I took my arms away and stood up.

'Well done Howard.' I thought to myself as I left for the bedroom.


	24. Chapter 24

I fell asleep on the bed still fully dressed. I flicked the lamp on that was at the side of the double bed. Vince hadn't come to bed. I looked at the time on the clock radio, it was 3:30am. I got up quickly and made my way into the lounge/dinning room/hallway and saw the front door was open. I panicked wondering what had happened. I walked out onto the balcony and spotted Vince sitting on one of the two white plastic chairs. He was staring up at the sky. I sat in the seat next to him.

"Vince, I'm…"

"Don't." he didn't look at me, he just continued looking at the sky.

"Just let me say it… we shouldn't be like this and I'm sorry… for everything, what I said and for not being strong enough for you."

"You are strong enough. I'm the one that's not I'm taking all your strength away."

"Become quite the poet haven't you?" I saw Vince crack a smile.

"Do I beat your cream poems?"

"Well… I'm not too sure about that." I joked. "Are you going to come to bed?"

"I can't sleep."

"We can just laze about tomorrow… there is a pool so we can always go for a swim when you feel like it."

"Yeah OK." There was a long pause and I wondered what was going through Vince's mind.

"Talk to me." Vince quickly glanced at me and I could see he was trying to think of something to say. "What are you thinking?"

"I wish I was a star." He looked up again to the stars.

"You are a star. To me you are."

"No. I'm not. I'm so… insig…signi…" he struggled.

"Insignificant?"

"Yeah. That. Compared to the stars I'm nothing. The amount of people looking at that star right now…" he pointed to the brightest one in the sky "Then me. There's nobody."

"Vince, it's 3 in the morning. Most people are asleep. Anyway I'm looking at you."

"Was I ever that fantastic? Answer me truthfully Howard. You don't need to lie. I want to know." To me and many people, yes.

"Yes and you still are."

"Do you really think that Howard?" he searched my eyes for the truth.

"Yes." I reached out for Vince's hand and he accepted it.

"I promise I'll be better."

"You don't need to promise me anything."

"I want to. I'm going to make this work. Do you want it to work?"

"Of course I do." I felt sad at how insecure Vince was now. He always double checked everything I said and asked me obvious questions (the serious obvious types not the old funny obvious Vince type questions.)

"No more arguments?" Vince looked deep into my eyes.

"We can give it a try." I realized that would be difficult.

Vince yawned.

"Tired?"

He nodded, we both stood up holding hands and went back to our room.

The weather was beautiful the next day. From the balcony you could clearly see the sea and all the boats sailing past. Where we were staying was up on a cliff and it was a short walk into the town center.

Vince was leaning against the wooden slats acting as the wall of the balcony.

"Hey, Howard is there a beach around here?"

"Yes there is, it's not to far away."

"Can we go there?"

"What now?"

"Sometime this week… maybe we should do it today as the weathers nice and we can go for a little paddle in the sea."

"The sea will be freezing."

"Can we buy a bucket and spade? Sandcastles are genius!"

"You're talking to Howard Moon winner of the Devon Sandcastle Competition for 5 years running."

"Wow, really? What happened to the 6th year?"

"Some berk jumped on my entry before the judges even got a chance to see it. To this day I am still wounded."

Vince laughed a little. "Maybe we should stay away from the beach then… in case the memories infect you're wounds. We wouldn't want that… Eurgh!" Vince shuddered at the thought.

"No I'll be fine… worried I'll beat you at building sandcastles sir?"

"No I'm creative… a gifted child. Not even you will beat what I've got in store."

"We'll see shall we?"

We sat and had lunch in the town square. I knew of a nice little bakery in front of a stone water fountain that sold delicious pasties. I choose a traditional pasty and Vince went for a chocolate éclair.

"It's nice here Howard." Vince smiled before taking another bite of the éclair.

"Does it beat Camden?" I already knew the answer to this.

"Well… Camden's a different type of nice… more of a nice lot of clothes and other genius things. But this place is nice just in a different way."

Vince quickly changed his mind about building sandcastles when he realized that there was a pier. I still believe it was because Vince chickened out of our sandcastle building contest… couldn't face the challenge.

"Do you think they have those 2p slot machines?" Vince asked as we made our way inside. He didn't need me to answer that question as there were loads of those annoying yet addictive machines placed around. He quickened his pace to the nearest machine.

"Have you got any 2p's?" he asked searching his jean's pockets. I emptied my own pockets. Why whenever you actually want the very small change you can never find it? Vince's attention was now captivated by a change machine, he pulled a fiver from his pocket and the machine snatched it away. I then realized we were going to have a very long afternoon. 250 2p coins!

"Did you really need to do that? You just wasted 5 pounds."

"Oh yeah." He laughed a little at himself before dropping the coins into the machine.

I took a seat, I knew it would be a long wait.

About an hour later Vince joined me in the little café I had found only four meters away from the slot machine.

"Hey, Howard! Look what I won." He handed me a small packet of Haribo Starmix.

"You spent five pounds and all you won was a small packet of sweets?" I sighed.

"No I won three packets, oh and also a key ring." He reached into his pocket and held up his prizes. "Do you like the key ring? How genius, it's like a mini disco ball!". He spun it round a little.

"You don't have any keys."

"So? It looks great anyway." He paused for a moment "I'm going to try and win another one…" I held his arm to stop him from heading back to waste more money.

"No! How about an ice cream?" I compromised.

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**I don't own Haribo Starmix unfortunatly... or have any in my house which is also a shame. Please review :) x**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hello! Sorry yet again at how long you have had to wait for an update. I have been so busy it's untrue and this is the first time I have managed to actually sit down and give the story my full attention (I should really be doing work instead...). Very sorry. I'm going to try and pick the pace up again with updates... but nobody hold me to that I will try my best.  
**

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"What are we going to do when we get back?" Vince asked interrupting my reading of the newspaper.

"Back home?" I looked up at him.

"Yeah."

"Well maybe we should think about moving out of Leroy's?"

"But we can't afford it." He looked confused.

"I'm sure I can use my savings to buy us a little place."

"Don't be silly Howard. Neither of us have jobs… we can't go back to the Nabootique…" Vince had a slight point.

"Well I can always try and get back in contact with Naboo…"

"No!" Vince sat upright.

"What? Why not?"

"Then he'll find out about…" he paused "What happened." He mumbled the last part.

"So?"

"Well he won't understand." Vince looked down at his cowboy-boot-clad feet.

"He might be able to help? He is a Shaman."

"He couldn't bring you back though could he?"

That stabbed me pretty hard. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"How was he to know?" I tried to defend Naboo, not that he really deserved to be defended after the endless pranks he and Bollo had played on me over the years.

"He wanted me to suffer, of course he knew Howard! He probably couldn't wait to get rid of me like everyone else in this stupid world." Vince stood up and waved his arms in frustration.

"Vince… please stop this… it's been going so well. We've been trying so hard…" I really did try to soothe the situation…

"What do you mean 'we'? You've not been trying at all! It's me that's been trying hard you haven't done anything! I've been trying to make things normal but you won't even join in with me! You just sit there reading a paper or sipping coffee! Leave me to do everything on my own."

"I thought you liked being independent and having your own space."

"I was on my own for months Howard and you think I need more space?"

I thought back over this past week. I left him to go shopping, play on machines on the pier, go swimming and even to go on rides at the local fair all on his own. Vince had been very reluctant to go swimming he was worried about getting his hair wet but he still got in and pleaded with me to join him, me being stubborn said 'no'.

"Maybe it would help you become more confident?" I suggested trying to defend myself. An attempt at changing the subject and getting the focus off of my blame.

"You can't exactly talk can you Howard… the confidence just oozes out of you!" he said slyly.

"I'm trying to help you! But all you're doing is having a go at me."

"So leaving me to do things all alone is Howard T.J Moon's therapy is it? I really don't know how I can still love you… the way you go on."

I couldn't take it anymore.

"If that's how you feel." I felt my emotions tearing out of me suddenly, just those few words and I was off. "We're leaving tomorrow." I stood up from the sofa and left for the bedroom. As I tried to storm past, Vince caught my arm.

"Howard, please! Just wait!" I looked into his pleading blue eyes. My heart wanted me to stay but my head told me to give up this stupid game we were playing. To get out while I could and start again. "You never understand me." He searched my face hoping I'd stay.

I listened to my head.

Thirty minutes later.

I needed to address everything I knew. I knew we would go home tomorrow. I knew I had been so stupid. I knew that I loved Vince. I knew Vince and I weren't working anymore and I also knew I was crying.

I hastily brushed the tears from my eyes and continued packing my suitcase. Socks, brown trousers, bright Hawaiian shirt, brown trilby, the swimming trunks I hadn't used, Vince's hairbrush, Vince's hair straighterners and Vince's hair products.

VinceVinceVince.

I heard the floorboards creak.

Then I realized I wasn't the only person in the room stifling their sobs.

"You're everything I hate… a jazz fan, a sufferer of stationery OCD, you wear brown corduroy trousers and want to be an explorer. You do so many things without realizing how much you hurt me…but you're one of a kind Howard Moon. An individual. Last of you're kind. Endangered. What I mean to say is I love you." he nearly shouted the last few words as if he couldn't hold back.

"That's not the point is it Vince?" I sighed.

"W-what do you mean?" I knew he had expected a different response from me.

"Just because you love something or someone… doesn't mean they are good for you?"

"I also love Mick Jagger… he's good for me made some great music, I love his little dance too." Vince tried to cheer me up.

"Well… I love cake but just because I love it doesn't mean it's good for me. Eating too much cake is unhealthy."

"I know that Howard, you're talking to someone who has tried every diet going."

"Well having too much of a person is also unhealthy."

"… you're referring to me… aren't you?" Vince's voice shook. What the hell was I thinking? I was doing it yet again. Distancing myself.

"No… I just think maybe it's something we should think about." I tried to calm the situation.

"Are you sick of me Howard?"

I paused. I couldn't answer. I wanted to think of something logical. Something logical that Vince would be able to understand.

"No… I just think… we should be more independent."

"Right." I'd already said that before and that was the reason we both had tears stinging our eyes.

"Come on lets enjoy the remainder of our holiday. We want to end it on a good note don't we?" I didn't want to remember this holiday as being bad, the one we nearly ended everything. I really hoped I hadn't thought that too soon.

"Mmm."

"Any ideas?"

"How about a nice midnight stroll by the beach." Vince suggested. I knew he was trying. I couldn't deny it was visible that he was putting a lot of effort in to make us work. It was me with the problem right now. I always end up upsetting him, he naturally gets a little upset but it's usually over something I've done or said that's really out of order. I get upset over the slightest slip up Vince makes. Yet he will forgive me as quickly as possible. But it still feels so out of control, the fact I can't just stay calm and let it go.

Midnight strolls are never usually that warm anyway but midnight strolls by the sea with the icy wind blowing are something else. Vince walked along with his crossed arms hugged to his chest. Out the corner of my eye I saw him shiver.

"I said you should bring a coat." I chuckled a little.

"I'm not c-cold!" Vince's teeth chattered.

"Ok then… well how does the idea of wearing a brown coat for _comfort_ reasons sound?"

"Howard I don't wear clothes for comfort. You should know that."

"You could easily forget that minor detail just like I did?" I took my coat off and placed it over his shoulders.

"Eurgh! It's nutmeg!" he whined but didn't shrug it off.

I didn't reply to engage in an argument.

"Thanks Howard." He stroked my arm a little then put the coat on properly.

"You're welcome. So… talking realistically what would you're ideal job be?"

"A stylist… no, maybe a hairdresser… model? Artist?"

"I think you could do any of those things."

"Really? I'm a bit out of practice on the hairdressing and painting though." Vince said thoughtfully.

"When we get back how about we find you a course to do?"

"Yeah that's a genius idea Howard!" I could see his wide smile through the darkness. I think the idea of living a normal life (to Vince's standards at least) was something that made Vince happy.

"Mmm…" I thought for a while wondering how strange it would be to work without Vince.

"Howard?"

"Yes little man?"

"What will you do?"

"I don't know… I've not really thought about it. Could always go back to the bin men?"

"Please don't."

"Why not?" I prepared myself for some sort of insult.

"I want you to work with me. Will be well weird going to work and you not being there."

"Somehow I doubt I'd be to good as a hairdresser and my artistic skills consist of nothing more that scribbles."

"I don't have to do any of those things."

"Yes you do. You can't not do them just because that's what I'm worst at."

"But I want to be with you."

"What are we going to do with you?" I sighed sarcastically.

Vince stopped walking and looked out across to the sea to the moon and it's shimmering reflection in the sea.

"Howard, can I hold you're hand?" Vince looked deeply into my eyes. I wanted to cry over the fact he felt he had to ask me.

I nodded and held my hand out to him.

I didn't need to control my own emotions for much longer as Vince managed to make the topic a bit more light hearted.

"Hmm. Wonder what Bob Fossil's up to these days?"

"You don't want to know."

"_That_ bad?" Vince laughed.

"Yep." I laughed too.


	26. Chapter 26

**I am so sorry this chapter has taken yet another shameful amount of time to be uploaded. Thanks to everyone reviewing and sticking with the story. Trying to get back on track with it and hopefully I can stick to my word this time... anyway here it is chapter 26. Enjoy and please review :)**

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Howard and Vince arrived home the next day. As expected Leroy demanded to know where they had been and was furious that they had taken his car without asking, but Vince managed to twist Leroy's arm by telling him how much he had benefited from the break. Leroy could see that Vince was slowly getting better. He had already seen a difference after just a few hours of their company. He had been worried. Nearly even called the police and reported them missing but he knew random disappearances were in their nature. Leroy also felt a little useless that he had been left out of their trip. Of course he and Vince had drifted so far apart but he felt he deserved to be told. He wanted to be included in the old gang, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. To top it off Leroy couldn't forget how he was not enough to make Vince better. Only Howard could do that.

"You guys fancy going down the pub for a drink?" Leroy suggested after dinner. He wanted to bond with them. He had missed them while they had been away, the house had been so quiet.

"We've had quite an eventful week, maybe another time?" Howard turned down his offer. He just wanted to sleep after the long drive home.

"Vince, you'll come won't you? It's been such a long time."

"Erm… sorry mate. There will be people there…" Vince looked down at the floor nervously.

"Yes it is a pub. Come on Vince!" Leroy pleaded.

"I don't think I'm ready to see the… 'locals'."

"Everyone's been asking. Word got around that Howard had come back. Anyway you'll love seeing everyone again."

"Look Leroy, I just don't want to see people, think of all the questions." Howard felt sure he saw Vince shudder.

"Why do I even bother? You guys are living in my house and you won't even come out with me for a drink. You took my car and this is how you repay me?" Leroy rolled his eyes, "You know what, forget it." Leroy got up from the table and made his way upstairs. Vince looked over at Howard, his face full of guilt.

"He's done so much for me. It shouldn't be like this." He sighed.

"You'll sort it out." Howard put a reassuring hand on Vince's shoulder. "Anyway we only got back today. He'll come round."

No matter how much Vince tried to bury his guilt after everything that had happened and how distant he and Leroy had become, he still had a nagging feeling to make everything right. How hard would it be to just go down to the pub? They might not even see anybody they know.

"Leroy?" Vince called out.

"What?"

"Still up for going to the pub?"

Howard looked over at Vince with surprise. Now he had to go too.

"Are you sure you want to?" Howard asked still shocked.

"Come on Howard it's just the pub, we only have to stay for one drink." Howard thought for a moment how normal Vince had sounded.

"Alright then." Howard sighed as he left the room to get ready.

"The drinks are on me." said Leroy as they entered 'The White Lion', one of their many local pubs. Vince looked around nervously while Howard scanned the room for a table.

"Over there." Vince pointed to a table hidden away in the furthest corner.

Howard and Vince made their way over to the table, dodging through the maze of chairs in their way.

"Nice and cozy." Howard said as he took a seat.

"Yeah, well I don't want to see anybody I know." Vince sat and bowed his head slightly so his fringe hung over his face as if to shield himself from everybody in the pub.

Leroy returned a few minutes later with the round of drinks.

Leroy raised his pint of beer "To a fresh new beginning…"

"A fresh new beginning." The three clinked their glasses together.

"Actually…" Howard began, "We were thinking about starting a completely fresh new life."

"I'm all for that mate." Leroy patted Howard's shoulder grinning, he felt he would be part of this new start. He'd finally be able to patch up their friendships.

"Oh well we were thinking of moving out."

"Moving out? Where should we move to?" Leroy asked.

Vince shuffled uncomfortably, even he knew how awkward everything was about to become.

"We, Vince and I were hoping to start again in a place of our own. Our new life together."

"I see. How embarrassing! Yeah… that's great. Good idea. I should have realized that you two are… more than you used to be. You don't want me hanging around and interrupting things." Leroy quickly took a sip from his beer to cover his shame. "Is it me or it's suddenly got really hot in here?" He blushed.

"Leroy, it's not that we don't want you with us." Vince broke his silence. "We just feel like…"

"A burden. An annoyance." Howard finished.

"So?" Leroy paused. "Just kidding, I love having you guys staying with me… you have no idea how lonely it was with you two gone. Not the same. I missed you."

"And we missed you!" Howard lied he couldn't say that he hadn't thought about him more than once. His thoughts were interrupted as Vince tugged on his shirt. "Vince what do you want?" He didn't mean for it to sound harsh, it just did. He'd been trying to figure out how he could sort the situation he had landed them into this time. Vince didn't say anything but his eyes were wide with fear. Howard and Leroy followed Vince's gaze to see a group of overdressed, perfectly styled guys and girls. When Howard turned his head to look back at Vince he noticed the younger man ducking under the table.

"What are you doing?" Howard looked down at his friend huddled under the table.

"I can't let them see me!"

"Leroy!" called one of the men with a girl hanging off his arm. He had red hair styled similar to Vince's and was wearing a leather jacket with black skinny jeans. Howard felt Vince suddenly grip his leg.

"Hey James." Leroy replied as he tried to figure out a quick escape for Vince.

"What do you think of the new hair?" James ruffled his hair up with his hand.

"Yeah, great. Reminds me of Vince's, is that what you were after?"

"Vince's hairs black… mine shows a more daring and striking character, being red and all."

"Mmm I see. I thought you wanted something more unique and original?" Leroy made another dig at James, hoping it would make him leave.

"Look Leroy, it is original. My idea. Anyway nobody even remembers Vince anymore… not after he went all weird." The girl a little behind James rolled her eyes in disbelief. Everybody remembered Vince, he wasn't easy to forget. Howard looked under the table as he felt Vince let go of his leg. Slowly Vince stood up from under the table. "I rest my case." Finished James a little surprised.

"Alright James? Nice hair. Always did have that wannabe twin thing going on didn't you." Vince smiled. Leroy and Howard looked at their friend with shock as he stood up for himself. The look on James' face was priceless. Vince looked round to see most of the eyes in the room on him, he was glad he had decided to style his hair before he left. Mumbles sounded throughout the room before a strange silence settled on the room. Vince was amazed at what he had just done, without a seconds thought he had drawn the attention of most of the people in the pub. People he didn't even know. He was proud of his courage to come out of hiding and speak to the people he was most afraid of talking to. James was nearly the colour of his hair when he decided to speak again.

"Vince? You're back?" the confusion clouded any questions he had for Vince.

"Yes." Vince replied simply.

"Hahah James that was _well_ embarrassing!" called out one of the other fashion obsessed men from the group.

"Shut your face Gaz!" James yelled back. "I'm out of here, any of you lot coming?" He made his way to the door of the pub.

"Nah… s'alright mate. Want to have a word with Vince." Replied Gaz. James had exited before he could hear Vince's reply,

"Sorry mate another time? Must get back really." Vince stayed standing and picked up his pint quickly downing it.

"Yeah, sure… must catch up though Vince." Gaz continued hoping to get more of a conversation from Vince.

"Yeah. See ya'." Vince quickly strode out of the pub.

Leroy and Howard weren't far behind him.

"Vince… you just… that was brilliant!" Howard stuttered. He felt proud when Vince stood up for himself. Although part of him hated the reunion between Vince and his old friends. What if Vince turned back to what he was and abandoned him while he returned to his throne as Prince of Camden?

"Yeah. No thanks to you." Something had clicked in Vince seeing the people that used to worship him. As if his life had rewound a little and something was returning. He'd found another piece of the puzzle but there were still plenty more missing.

"W-what?"

"Just let him say those things and you didn't say anything." Vince quickened the pace of his walk.

"Oh come on, what was I meant to say?"

"Anything. Leroy managed ok." Vince stabbed. "Oh and thanks Leroy, sorry to end the evening so quickly." He turned back to Leroy while walking backwards.

"No problem mate. Proud of you, you know that?" Leroy smiled. He knew this time Vince was genuinely grateful yet he knew an argument between him and Howard was on the horizon.

"It was like I had no control." Vince gazed into the darkness beyond Leroy and Howard before turning round to face forward while he walked.

"What? Are they like expecting you to want to chat to them?" Howard tried to side with Vince, but Vince was having none of it.

"Why wouldn't I want to speak to them? Nice enough to me minus one. They even sounded pleased to see me." Vince carried on sounding slightly dazed.

"You don't want to get involved with them again Vince." Howard warned lowering his tone.

"Why shouldn't I? You jealous? Upset you didn't get such a welcome once you actually could be bothered to come to see me after that time… pity you left it so late to come back really… or maybe if you'd waited another few hours then we wouldn't be in this situation!" Vince turned around on his heels and the instant halt of his power walk caused Howard's face to be just inches from his own. Howard felt his eyes welling up and his insides falling.

"You know how bad I feel about that… you even said… not to feel bad." He finished quickly rubbing his eyes to prevent tears from falling.

Vince didn't reply. He looked down at his silver boots. Howard hoped Vince didn't mean what he had said. Vince for a split second caught Howard's eye before turning to run as fast as his little legs would carry him.

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**Thought it was about time Howard got a taste of his own medicine...**

**Please review :) x  
**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27... at last...**

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Vince had no idea where he was going. He knew the area so well that it was unusual for him to get lost. He just ran. Ran away from everything. Howard's broken face haunted his mind. The hurt was evident in just his eyes. Vince's lungs burned as he continued his sprint through darkened roads. Leroy had chased after him for a while. Vince's adrenaline powered him fast enough for Leroy to lose him. The stitch in Vince's side became too much and a nearby bench was perfectly placed for a breather. Vince caught his breath, the cold night air burning his airways.

"What do you mean you lost him?" Howard shrieked at Leroy as he paced the lounge of Leroy's house.

"I don't see you searching for him?" Leroy shouted back in his defence.

"No… didn't you see? I can't go, it was me he was running away from!"

"He's confused. Give him a break. As if things aren't messed up enough for him already, seeing old friends is obviously gonna' unsettle him!"

"Yeah and that's your fault! Why did you have to go to the pub tonight, you know he didn't want to go."

"For fucks sake Howard give me a break! I'm on your side here, we should be working together."

"I'll get my coat and a torch."

Vince shivered as a gust of wind hit his skin. He was only wearing a t-shirt and a thin one at that. He pulled his legs up to the bench and hugged them tightly trying to shield the cold. He had realized this probably wasn't the best idea he'd ever had as he'd have to return at some point with his tail between his legs and having to apologize for his out burst but he wanted a bit of space. It was a shock to see all those people he knew in the pub, he was proud at how he had handled it… right up until the bit he snapped at Howard. But he remembered why he hung around with those people before. They showed him love. A strange sort of love but it was more that they were in awe of him. He never had that from Howard. Before when he just wanted to be loved by Howard he used their worship as a sort of alternative… but it wasn't enough. He couldn't deny he had a lot of fun with those people before but now it just seemed stupid. He didn't want that lifestyle and it scared him as he could see he had grown up so much since the last time he had hung out with them. He didn't want to grow up. Being in a relationship with Howard meant he had to grow up. He missed his childish ways. He couldn't be childish around Howard because he wanted to be seen as an equal. But they weren't equal. Vince was now seen as weak by Howard and Vince desperately wanted to change that. Maybe that's why he lashed out?

"What am I going to do with him?" Howard asked Leroy as they paced down a random street.

"Let him find his own way." Leroy calmly said.

"He can't…"

"He can. Trust me. It will work. You need to be back on the same level."

"Right… and that will adjust itself will it?" he sighed hopelessly.

The two spent the next three hours searching. It was getting cold.

"We're going home." Leroy announced.

"We can't!" Howard snapped back, outraged at the idea.

"He's probably gone home."

"This is Vince, he will want to prove how strong he is and stay away as long as possible."

"Fine. Whatever you say." Leroy turned around at started walking in the direction of his house.

"Where are you going?"

Leroy turned round and rolled his eyes. "I just said…"

"We can't just give up!"

"I'm not giving up Howard I'm just checking the house. I need a rest and Vince is capable of finding his own way home. It's his fault if he gets lost."

"No… it's not his fault. It's my fault, I'm just too stupid I never know when to stop."

Leroy cheered loudly "Congratulations Howard Moon!"

"Shhh!" he looked up nervously at the surrounding houses worried they'd be arrested for noise pollution or something similar.

"Now maybe put those words to good use and actually make sure things don't go too far." Leroy said quietly and patted Howard's back.

A ten minute walk home. Howard felt sure Vince was still out somewhere, the lights were all off in the house.

Leroy opened the door and flicked on the lights. Howard went into the lounge for a sit down. He made his way through the dark to the small lamp placed on top of the T.V. The little light glowed and a sleeping Vince was now visible on the sofa.

"Howard, I've checked everywhere and…" Leroy walked into the room and noticed straight away Vince curled up on the sofa. Howard had picked up a blanket and was placing it over his friend. Howard moved a few black strands off Vince's face and gently touched his cheek before placing himself in the old armchair.

Vince woke up the next morning and noticed the blanket covering him straight away. He scanned the room and noticed Howard sleeping upright in the arm chair. He let out a small smile as if to say 'thank you'. He knew Howard hadn't seen it but it made him feel a little better about yesterday. When he had returned back to the house shivering, and nobody was home he had felt incredibly guilty. He knew straight away they'd gone looking for him.

While Vince gazed at Howard he noticed the older man's eyes flickering open. Howard rubbed his eyes before looking back at him.

"Sorry." Vince mumbled.

"It's ok little man." They exchanged genuine smiles.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks to all the beautiful people who have reviewed this story so far :)**

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"Where are you going?" Asked Howard taking his eyes away from Bargain Hunter for a few moments.

Vince was gathering a few bits and pieces together. He had collected his phone, a few 10 pound notes and a small piece of paper.

"Out." Vince replied simply as he scanned the room for his favorite silver boots.

"Where to?" Howard sat up and lowered the TV volume.

"Not sure yet, maybe the shops?"

"Give me a moment and I'll come too." Howard switched off the TV and stood up.

"Nah…" Vince paused for a moment, "You're alright."

"What?" Howard was shocked. He knew Vince had, had a slight confidence boost but he was becoming too independent very suddenly.

"I won't be too long." Vince picked up his black coat with the fluffy hood off the coat peg. Howard gazed at the coat questioningly. "It's cold outside and fluffy hoods are back in." Vince quickly smiled before leaving the house.

Howard pondered for a moment wondering where his friend was off to.

"Leroy?" ten seconds passed. No reply. "Leroy!"

"You realize the time don't you?" Leroy appeared from behind the banister at the top of the stars hair ruffled and his eyes were sleepy.

"Any idea where Vince is going?"

"Nope sorry mate."

"He didn't mention anything yesterday?"

"No idea. He'll be fine. It'll do him good." Leroy vanished again behind the banister.

He had a plan. He'd go out after Vince and make sure everything was ok. Who knows what could happen to him. What if he got mobbed by ex-friends or fans or something along those lines? Howard grabbed his brown trilby hat and matching coat before setting off out the door.

It had been a while since Vince had ventured into town. A new shop named 'Forward To The Past' had just been opened. It looked like Vince's type of shop so he had a look inside. Vince knew he was no longer number one when it came to fashion now. As much as he wanted to regain his title he knew now it really didn't mean as much as he thought it did back then. Now he had more to his life than clothes and music. He had Howard. He had Howard before but this time it was sort of an official thing. Vince scanned the lines of clothes before coming across a green trilby with a small feather attached to it. He'd found Howard the perfect present. Howard's birthday was a few days away. Vince never normally did presents so he knew Howard would be surprised. Vince took the hat to the counter.

"That's 30 pounds please sir." Said the well dressed young girl behind the counter, she looked about eighteen and probably had bought the majority of her clothes from vintage shops over the past year or however long her obsession of vintage clothes had been going on for. Vince winced at the price. Expensive for that hat and also the fact Vince had little money and had saved up any money Howard or Leroy had given him over the past few weeks. Vince handed over the money.

Howard watched this from behind a rack of fur coats. He watched as Vince left the shop with the trilby in a bag. Instantly feeling guilty he had followed Vince. Quickly Howard followed Vince out into another shop. It was some sort of department store, a place Howard had rarely visited. Vince walked over to the perfumes and aftershaves smelling and spraying the bottles. Howard was only two displays away from Vince when the strong smells tickled his nose.

"Achoooo!" Howard sneezed so loudly nearly the whole shop turned to look at him, one of these people included Vince.

"What are you doing?" Vince held his anger but Howard knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Well… I was just… er…"

"How long have you been there?"

"Not long…" Howard squeaked with embarrassment.

"You've been following me!" Vince raged, "You know what I've bought you don't you?"

"You what?" Howard tried to fake his innocence.

"Do us both a favor Howard and stop lying!"

"Sorry." Howard gave in and admitted defeat.

"Well happy birthday Howard!" Vince shouted and chucked the bag containing the hat at Howard. Howard quickly caught it before Vince turned and stormed off.

"Vince wait!"

"Why? Can't stalk me at this pace can you? Want me to slow down for your old age?"

"We're the same age!" Howard panted as he jogged to catch up with Vince's power walk.

"Yeah whatever! More lies again Howard."

"I only wanted to make sure you were ok. I was worried."

Vince paused.

"You know I only want what's best for you." Howard continued.

"Fine."

Vince slowed down so they were walking at the same pace. A minute of silence passed.

"Say something." Howard broke the silence.

"What?"

"Just… I don't know, something Vince-like?"

"Vince-like? You make it sound like I have my own language."

"I wonder if that's exactly what you speak. You and your own little world."

Vince smiled.

"That's better."

"I wish my world was real."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know." Vince quickened his pace again.

"Talk to me." Howard quickly caught Vince's arm.

"I didn't mean that."

"Ok… what did you mean?"

"I didn't mean to say anything." Vince snapped.

"Let's not start again."

"Start what?" Vince asked sarcastically.

"You know what."

"Fine."

"Coffee?" Howard suggested.

"Hot chocolate?" Vince corrected.

"Hot chocolate it is."

"Afternoon Violet." Said Howard as he greeted the friendly old lady at the counter.

"Hello Howard, it's been a while. How's your little friend?" Violet asked.

Vince looked at Howard confused.

"Violet meet Vince. Vince this is Violet."

Violet slowly walked out from behind the counter and caught Vince off guard with a hug.

"Hello." Said Vince a little awkwardly as the old lady continued to hold onto him.

"I've heard a lot about you young man." She said, "What would you like to drink my lovely." She gestured for Vince and Howard to sit down after she had finally let go.

"Hot chocolate please."

"Coffee for me Violet, please."

Violet set off to make their drinks.

"You know her?" Vince asked Howard.

"I used to come here to escape the house."

"Escape?"

"For a break."

"Everything's about running away with you isn't it."

"Must run in the relationship." Howard had a point.

"Yeah well…" Vince started.

"Here you go" interrupted Violet as she put the tray of drinks on the table. Violet took a seat at their table.

"So how have you been?" Violet asked Howard in her soft caring voice.

"Good and bad."

Vince rolled his eyes. Howard was out fishing for sympathy.

"How are you Vince?"

"Fine. Never been better." Vince crossed his arms, he didn't like the idea that he had been talked about to this lady he'd never met. Violet probably already thought badly of him the way Howard is always upset or angry when he was concerned.

"If you're sure about that?"

"What do you mean if I'm _sure_?"

"Only some of the things Howar…"

"Howard! What's he told you? That's it go round and blurt my business out to anybody that will listen Howard!"

"Told me you hadn't been happy recently." Violet continued ignoring Vince's outburst.

"I don't mean to feel sad." Vince replied after a short pause. Vince stared down into his hot chocolate. He didn't like the situation he was in. With just a few words Violet had taken down his defenses and left him feeling once again weak and like a child.

"Talk to me." Violet tried to coax words from Vince.

"I've just come here for a hot chocolate."

"And a chat." Vince shook his head. "Well Howard has anyway, he likes talking to me. Maybe let him do what he wants once in a while."

"We do everything he wants… he forgets about me. What I want." Vince mumbled under his breath.

"That's a place to start."

"I'm not here for counseling!"

"No, just a hot chocolate and Howard a coffee and to talk."

"Then talk to Howard instead, not me." Vince didn't mean to sound aggressive.

"Howard…" Violet turned to talk to Howard,

"What do you mean never do what you want? We do everything you want! We went to the pub the other night, went away on holiday, went swimming, played on games in the arcade, went to the beach, had nice meals and you did some shopping!"

"That's not what I want." Vince spoke quietly still staring at his drink.

"Then for God's sake Vince tell me what you want! Because I don't know anymore. I can't read your mind. I try and do what's best for you then we end up in stupid rows over the tiniest things. What do you want from me!" Howard lost his temper and raged at Vince.

"For us to do things together." Vince tried to look at Howard but it was too difficult so gazed at his hands.

"We do…"

"No! I do the things like shopping and swimming… you just watch." Vince shrugged his shoulders as if he was cold.

"But…", Howard was lost for words. Loneliness had caused all these problems and he wasn't helping by trying to keep a distance and make everything so serious.

"You need space." Violet broke the painful silence that had fallen upon them.

"What?" Howard and Vince said in surprised unison.

"Trust me."

"I can't leave Vince." Howard said defensively. "We need advice but that's just stupid. Not after last time. We don't need any more time away. We had so long before and look what happened!" Howard sounded agitated and panicked.

"She's right." Vince said still starring at his hands, there was no emotion to his voice.

"What?"

"I think we should try it."

"But how? What? Why?"

"Vince can move in with me. Or Howard you can, your decision." Violet suggested.

"Really?" Vince turned his gaze to Violet.

Howard couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Vince want to be away from him? Why was Vince agreeing to this?

"Of course my dear, we could do with some company in our little house. We have a spare room and my husband wouldn't mind I'm sure."

"Well… thank you… erm… should I bring my stuff? When should I come over?"


	29. Chapter 29

**Hello. Due to my lack of updates recently here is I think the longest chapter of the story so far... I hope that's a good thing? Anyway not long left of this story... it's taken a long time to write and stuff so I'm sorry about that**. **But you only have to bare with a few more chapters :)**

**Thanks to all the people who have reviewed so far, you have kept this story going so thank you x  
**

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Vince liked Violet's house. It sort of made him think of his grandparents house… not that he remembered his grandparents he just imagined they would have lived in a house like Violet's and Phillip's. It smelt of lavender and soap. Vince hadn't ever lived in such a nice place. Leroy's house never seemed homely. Maybe due to the fact it badly needed decorating, Vince had offered several times to help paint, but neither Howard nor Leroy had trusted him with a paintbrush. Vince had been given the spare room. He hadn't slept in his bedroom since that dark night.

"This is your room Sweetheart." Violet unlocked the door to the spare room. Violet pushed the door open and the hinges squeaked. The walls were painted ocean blue and a bed was just to the left of the door with the same coloured duvet. The room wasn't very big but it was nice and cozy. Vince noticed the dolls house in the corner arranged carefully, he strode over to the toy and peered inside for a closer look.

"Wish I had a dolls house when I was young. One of my girl mates had one and we'd play with it for hours. She then got rid of it… turns out she was fed of me playing with the dolls house and wished we talked more. I was devastated. One of my highlights of the week." Vince turned around to look at Violet grinning. She looked sad.

"Is everything ok?" Vince stood up from his crouch and walked over to the old lady.

"Yes everything's fine dear…" Violet quickly rubbed her blue sparkling eyes.

"If you regret asking me to stay I really don't mind going home." Vince couldn't think of what he had done to Violet to make her upset.

"No it's lovely you are going to stay with us. Tears of happiness my love. Anyway I'll leave you to unpack your bags. Dinner's at 6."

"Thank you." Vince smiled.

Violet left the room and shut the door behind her. Vince scanned the room properly. It wouldn't be bad staying here. This room was nothing like his old room back at Leroy's. It would be fine. A CD collection and stereo sat in the far left corner of the room opposite the dolls house on the far right. He went over and started looking through the silver rack. A Rolling Stones and an Alice Cooper CD caught his eye. Whose room was he staying in? Whoever it was had great music taste. The CD player and rack was on top of a small set of draws. Vince loved the contrast of the dolls house and music taste. He was now very curious about this person so pulled open one of the draws. The top draw was full of drawings and notes. He decided he'd take a closer look later. Vince pulled his suitcase on top of the bed and opened it up.

Vince sat and had dinner with Violet and Phillip at exactly 6 O'clock. Vince sort of liked how organized everything was, he had never really had much of a routine.

"So Vince, we have some family visiting tomorrow. We'd quite like you to meet them." Phillip informed Vince. Phillip looked about the same age as Violet. Vince had been tempted to ask them for their ages but Phillip sort of worried him as he was very stern, so he thought better of it. Vince was confused as to why they wanted him to meet their family, after all Vince never really had much of a family and couldn't work out exactly why Violet's family would want to meet him.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Good, I think they will like you."

"What if they don't?"

"Trust me, they will." Violet smiled.

By 10 O'clock Vince decided it was probably time to disappear upstairs and attempt to get some sleep.

Vince changed into his black pajamas and snuggled into the bed. He hadn't slept alone for months and the dark hadn't seemed this scary in such a long time. Vince tried to shut his eyes to block out the surroundings but it didn't work. He missed Howard. Already. He wished Howard was with him, he thought Howard would like it here.

Suddenly Vince's phone began vibrating on the bedside table next to him. Vince reached over to take the call.

"Howard!" Vince said with glee.

"You alright little man?"

"Mmm…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… I just… it's weird." Vince didn't really want to say what was on his mind so he thought those words would do.

"It's strange not having you at home." There was a slight pause. Vince suddenly felt incredibly emotional.

"I miss you." Vince said with a lump in his throat.

"Miss you too."

"Don't get me wrong, I do like it here."

"What's upset you?"

"Nothing… I just feel so lonely."

"I told you it was a bad idea." Howard started in his told-you-so voice. Howard just wanted Vince to come home.

"No, but it's not."

"Right. You've lost me now."

"I mean, I think this is for the best."

"Ok. Well that's up to you to decide ok. I trust Phillip and Violet are treating you well?"

"Yeah, they're lovely. I thought I'd upset Violet earlier. When she showed me to this room, I was telling her about a dolls house and then I turned round and she looked like she was about to cry."

"A dolls house?"

"Yeah that's what I thought… I don't remember saying anything mean."

"Never mind. What's your room like?"

"Blue. Has a doll house in the corner, a stereo… lots of CDs, wardrobe… just a normal room really. It feels as if someone used to live here, it's sort of haunting even if it is nice. Just everything seems so perfect and… well I thought you know… the room was a bit too modern to be one of their own kids. They are… a bit old."

"Vince!"

"I wasn't being rude, just describing the room."

"Maybe they had a lodger?" Howard suggested.

Vince thought for a moment, "Maybe."

"You feeling better now?"

"A bit yeah. I wish you were here though. I don't like sleeping in here on my own."

Howard felt worried about Vince being alone.

"Look maybe you should come home. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I'm sure I won't do anything stupid." Howard imagined Vince's expression, he'd role his eyes and smile a little.

"Promise me."

"Look Howard I'm going to be ok, it's just one night I'll be seeing you in a day or two anyway. I'll call you in the morning ok?" Vince tried to reassure Howard.

"Ok, but promise me if you want to come home, whatever the time then don't hesitate to ring me ok?"

"Ok."

"Night."

"Love you." Vince said.

"Love you too little man, pleasant dreams."

The line fell dead.

Vince felt a pang of sadness once he put his mobile back on the table. He had to get through this night alone. Once he'd done that everything would be fine.

11:32am read the clock to the side of Vince's bed.

_Shit! Howard!_

Vince knew Howard would be worried he hadn't called. He looked at his phone and he had three missed calls and one voice mail. Vince ignored the voice mail and decided to call Howard straight back.

"Vince!"

"Sorry, I over slept a bit." Vince's voice was slightly croaky from having just woken up.

"You got to sleep then?"

"Yup. Amazing really."

"I barely slept at all."

"Look I'm ok, go get some sleep you silly freak." Vince laughed.

"You're calling me the freak?"

"Yeah. Bye Howard, got to meet their family today."

"That should be nice."

"Nice but weird. Anyway I should be getting ready."

"Bye, have fun."

"Bye Howard."

Vince headed downstairs to the kitchen and found a box of Cookie Crisp.

_Genius._

Vince used to eat these all the time until Howard cut them out from the shopping list. Vince made himself a bowl and got himself a glass of milk. He began dipping the mini cookies into the glass.

Violet walked into the kitchen and sat down at the wooden table opposite him.

"Morning." Vince looked up at her before continuing eating his cereal in his unusual way.

"Morning Vince, I bought a load of cereals incase you didn't like Alpen."

"Not too keen on Alpen… bit like rabbit food really… not that there's anything wrong with eating rabbit food." He said quickly not wanting to offend her. "Thanks for this." He smiled gratefully.

"You're so much like him." Violet watched Vince's funny way of eating the cereal.

"Like who?" Vince looked up at her confused.

"My Grandson."

"Is he coming today?"

"No. No, he's not." Violet sighed.

"Oh, that's a shame."

"Yes, it is. You would have got along so well, I'm sure."

"Maybe another time then."

Violet didn't reply but she tried to smile at Vince. Vince knew the smile was forced but thought best not to ask her.

Late afternoon arrived quickly. Vince was surprised how the time flew while helping Violet with the cooking. He mainly made the cake but a lot of mixture never got baked as Vince decided to eat the mixture before they'd filled the cake tin. He'd asked Violet once they had finished if he could save a slice for Howard and if he could drop by at Leroy's to give it to him.

The doorbell rang at around 5:30pm and Phillip made his way to greet their visitors. A man and woman in their mid 50's strolled into the living room and sat down on the grey sofa placed opposite the fireplace.

Vince stayed sat at the wooden kitchen for a while, planning his entrance.

_Hey, I'm Vince_

He wondered if he should shake their hands or just smile and wave.

"You coming into say hello?" asked Violet as she peered around the kitchen door.

Vince got up from the chair and followed Violet into the lounge.

"Hey I'm…"

"Oh my God!" The lady with very short blonde hair stood up from the sofa and quickly tightened her arms around Vince's neck in a hug.

Vince stood there in surprise. Not sure what to do.

"Um… Hi, I'm Vince." Vince tried to be polite and break the hug a little.

"Yes. Hello, I'm Emily." Emily finally let go of Vince but still held his arm.

"I'm Frank." Frank looked a gentle man with dark brown hair and with a few grey hairs, he wore a small pair of glasses and had a little bit of stubble. Frank held out his hand, which Vince shook.

Vince let go and sat on the other sofa facing the window. He shouldn't have bothered as Violet called them all to dinner.

"So Vince, do you have a job?" Emily asked him.

"No, not right now. I'm looking for one though… well soon I will anyway. I've had quite a lot of jobs… a shop keeper, I worked in a record shop for a little while and I was a zoo keeper. I loved being a zoo keeper. We used to sing to the animals… I could even talk to them, my nickname was Mowgli in Flares." Vince smiled. "Howard told me GCSE's weren't important so I left school and went there."

"Who is Howard?"

"Er… well he's… he's my boyfriend? Wow that was weird to say out loud. My boyfriend." Vince couldn't control the massive grin on his face. He hadn't announced that yet really to anybody.

"That's lovely, you must have known each other for a long time?"

"We have worked together for years. The things he's done for me…" Vince began to reminisce. About the Zoo, the shop, the flat, their attempts of being in a band and the other random good times.

"I'm glad you're happy." Said Frank.

"Thank you…" This confused Vince.

"Our son was like you."

"Oh… cool." Vince replied awkwardly. He assumed this was who Violet was talking to him about over breakfast.

"Jake used to dye his hair, paint his nails and had funny little ways." Emily smiled at the way Vince had positioned his food into a smiley face. Vince was suddenly aware of the atmosphere in the room and the over use of the past tense when referring to Jake.

"What happened?" Vince asked quietly, instantly regretting his question.

"In the end… he wasn't very happy. He…" Emily started,

"STOP!" Vince stood up from his chair. All eyes were on him. He already knew what was going to be said. He didn't want this family to have to explain again for the however many time how their son died. Howard found it difficult to describe to people and Vince had survived… so how must they feel.

"Sorry." Vince apologized. "And for your loss."

Vince didn't sit back down again, he headed up to his room.

Sitting down on the bed and looking around the room it made sense that the room belonged to Jake. Vince cursed his little logic. Of course he wouldn't have met Violet's grandson, the one just like him. He had died. Now Vince realized why Violet and Phillip had been so kind and let him stay. They weren't trying to change him into Jake. They wanted to help him and have closure.

There was a knock on the door.

"Vince. I'm sorry." Violet walked in and sat on the bed next to Vince.

"It's fine." Vince meant that. He knew what Violet, Phillip and the rest of their family had been through.

"You are so much like Jake, it just seems that… I'm not sure what it is."

"I'm not Jake though." Vince put his arm around Violet to comfort her. "But I know he was very lucky to have such a wonderful person like you in his life." Vince smiled. Violet tried to smile back.

"But I can't be. If I was then none of this would have happened. He'd still be alive." Violet let a tear fall and Vince wiped it away.

"I had a wonderful person looking after me through all the crap but in the end I felt like a burden and thought it would be better if I went, but I had nowhere to go… so I… well I wanted to stop causing trouble and upsetting people. Jake didn't want to hurt you, he just wanted to help you and do the best for everyone else. No matter how sad it is losing him remember he is happier now and did what he felt would be better for you all."

"He shouldn't have felt like a burden."

"It isn't anybody's fault he felt that way. It was a personal opinion."

"Vince you are an angel." Violet lent over to hug him a lot of pain was removed from Vince's words alone. The hug lasted a while and neither wanted to break it. Vince felt his own tears begin to fall. Maybe after admitting this he could finally put those dark days in the past and focus on the potential of having a wonderful future with Howard. Maybe he could really close the door on that part of his life and accept what he had now, which was Howard, Leroy, Phillip and Violet no matter how little time he had known them. It didn't matter, all that did was that he had made some friends he could go to and have a nice chat with them. Also possibly some lovely cake too.

Violet and Vince came back down from upstairs and decided to serve the cake. After the cake Frank and Emily left but it wasn't on a bad note. They had all apologized to each other before toasting to the future and Jake.

Vince decided to give Howard a call.

"Howard?"

"Vince, hello how are you?" Howard replied.

"Yeah, good. Been a weird afternoon. Anyway it's all good now." Vince truly meant that. He was ok. He felt very happy and sort of like some weight had been lifted off his shoulders from this afternoon alone.

"Well that's nice to hear. How was their family, were they ok?"

"Yeah, lovely people." Vince didn't feel the need to go on about Jake.

"Right well I was wondering if… well I was thinking tomorrow night if… we could go and eat out?" Howard stuttered nervously. Vince laughed a little at his friend and how strange but lovable he was.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" teased Vince playfully.

"Erm… well… you could call it that yes." Howard mumbled sounding embarrassed.

"Well only if you properly say it."

"Ok well erm… Vince would you like to go on a date with me? Tomorrow night? I'd love if you could make it, it would be really nice. But if you can't I understand I just…"

"Of course I will Howard." Vince replied happily interrupting Howard's waffling.

"Right, well then. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 5."

"Ok."

"Good well. Erm… I guess… well this is goodnight."

"Night."

"Goodnight."

Vince knew Howard was about to hang up.

"Look out the window."

"What? Why?"

Howard pulled open the curtain in the front room and peered outside.

"Special delivery for Howard Moon."

Vince was outside the house holding something with a massive grin on his face. Howard quickly hung up. He ran to the door as it swung open Vince handed him something, a slice of cake with a candle in.

"Happy Birthday!"

Howard quickly looked at his watch. 12:01am, it was his birthday.

"Vince!" Howard grinned and felt a rush of emotion, he wanted to cry with happiness.

"Blow the candle out."

Howard did so and Vince cheered loudly before kissing Howard quickly on the lips catching him off guard before running off and waving.

"I love you Howard Moon!" he shouted as he ran.

"I love you too Vince Noir!"


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello. Long time no update. So here is one now. Dedicated to loveless4ever69 for reviewing the last chapter :)**

**Since the last time I updated... I actually managed to meet the Mighty Boosh. Amazing day :) Just thought I'd say something on topic... never thought I'd ever get the chance to meet them. Really glad I did. Put me off writing about them a bit because it's so strange to write something about people you have actually met (althought technically it's not specificaly about Noel and Julian)... and to know they really do exist is strange despite knowing they must? None of what I said probably made much sense but hopefully you enjoyed that little ramble just there. Sorry I'll stop boasting about it and as an apology here is the next chapter. Enjoy.**

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The next day dragged as Vince waited for 5 O'clock. He had sat like a little child on the window sill looking out the window trying to work out which end of the road Howard would drive down from. It was 4:45pm and Vince knew of Howard's habit of always being extra early for everything so whenever car headlights glowed from either direction of the road, Vince's heart would do a small jump until the car got closer and he realized the car wasn't red or a totally different shape to Leroy's car, his heart would sink a little with disappointment. Vince didn't like waiting but at the same time he liked the anticipation and he could plan what he wanted to say. It made it exciting living apart, Vince felt like it was something new and had something to look forward to.

Violet had chatted to him for a while, not taking his eyes away from the world outside the window.

"You are like a little child you are." Violet chuckled.

"Howard's always early… what's taking him so long?"

"It's only ten to five, I thought you said he wasn't coming until five?"

"Well he's usually really early." Vince whined.

"He'll be here dear."

"I know." Vince smiled quickly taking his eyes away from the road to look at Violet.

"Now you've got your coat ready? Don't want you catching a cold." Vince loved being mothered by Violet, he needed to be cared for more now than he used to.

"Yeah, it's on the banister. He's here!" Vince shrieked, jumping down from the window ledge and quickly running into the hallway and put on his shoes. He could feel his heart pounding as he heard the car engine stop. He hurried to put on his coat but in such a rush got tangled in it as one sleeve was inside out. Violet helped him with the coat problem just in time for when the doorbell rung. Vince took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Howard-d-d-d!" Vince flung his arms around his friend, rocking him from side to side.

"Alright little man?" Howard chuckled.

"Where are we going tonight then?" Vince pulled away to look at Howard's face.

"It's a surprise."

"Howard. This better not be to a stationary museum. Remember that pencil museum you dragged me to? Or should I say surprised me with? I had high hopes for that surprise."

"Hmm well let's hope you are a little luckier this time. Anyway you know how I feel about stationary."

"Yes, unfortunately I know only too well. Like when you set your eyes on that giant pencil. What idiot would waste their time on a giant pencil to big to write with?"

"I'll have you know that was the biggest pencil in the world. People come from far and wide to just be in the mere presence of the giant pencil. Some stationary enthusiasts can't afford to visit that museum and would give limbs to have the glimpse you had."

"Promise me this won't be a museum."

"Vince it's very unlikely that I'd take someone out on a date to a museum."

"What about Pencil Case Girl?"

"Ok, fine. One exception."

"I suppose she wouldn't mind… but to her I'm sure that would be a simple walk in the park?"

"You can never visit too many stationary museums."

The banter carried on until they reached their destination.

It was dark outside so making out where they were was proving a challenge to Vince.

"Right, put this on." Howard handed Vince a red blindfold.

"I thought we were going on a date… but I don't mind if that's your sort of thing…" Vince winked at Howard.

"Don't be cheeky. Just put it on."

"Fine. If I fall over I'm blaming you."

Howard guided Vince along a long winding path through the darkness.

"We've stopped?" Vince asked still blindfolded. "Can I take this off yet?"

"Wait… one minute." Howard quickly opened the door and reached back for Vince's hand to guide him through the door. "OK, now you can take it off."

Vince removed the blind fold. It took a few seconds to recognize where they were but it was a place he knew so well. Their old hut from the Zooniverse. But it looked different. Howard had visited earlier and had placed small candles around the room. Vince gazed around the room, his mouth gawping. He scanned the walls and noticed something different. Pictures were stuck to the walls. Lots of photos too. Photos of Vince and Howard. Pictures Vince had drawn that Howard had kept.

"Howard… this is… beautiful." Vince smiled still taking in his surroundings. He spun around and quickly gave Howard a kiss, before looking back at the walls. One specific picture caught Vince's eye. He walked over for a closer look. A picture he'd drawn of the two of them in a hug. Vince had drawn smiley faces and love hearts around it. The picture was so good it looked a lot like a photograph.

"That's my favorite one." Howard broke the silence.

"But… you had this for all those years and you didn't…"

"No. I thought I might have read into it too much. You'd have only said you hadn't drawn it and that Bollo had drawn the hearts on after you which would have caused an argument."

"Suppose you're right. Hah look at my hair in that photo!" Vince pointed at a different photo. "We look so young there."

"You still look young." Howard put his arm around Vince.

"So do you, you haven't changed."

"Geography teachers never age. Their knowledge of the earth keeps their skin fresh. Maybe that's one advantage?"

"My geography teacher looked about 100."

"Ok, not all are that lucky. Who knows he might have actually been 300 and was looking incredibly good for his age?"

"Good evening. Please take a seat. I'm your chef for tonight."

"Naboo!" Squealed Vince, diving towards the tiny man and giving him a hug.

"Also this is your waiter, please don't complain about hair in your food, he may take offense which always ends quite nasty."

"Precious Vince!" Bollo appeared in the doorway beside Naboo. Bollo scooped up Vince and held him tightly.

"I've missed you guys so much!" Vince wiped away the tears forming in his eyes. "How did you escape from prison?"

"Naboo form relationship with prison man guard."

"I see." Vince laughed.

"Oi! Sit down. Bollo bring in the first course!"

The evening couldn't have been better for Vince and Howard.

They all chatted into the small hours and caught up on what had happened to them over the past year. Vince and Howard both shared tears and laughter as they told Bollo and Naboo the rollercoaster of a year. Naboo nodded mainly but Vince felt sure he had seen Naboo wipe away a tear when he thought nobody was looking.

Howard dropped Vince back at Violet's.

"This has been the best night ever. Thank you." Said Vince holding Howard's hand while they stood at Phillip and Violet's door.

"It was quite good wasn't it?"

"More than quite good. I'd say one of the best nights of my life."

"I achieve my goal then?"

"Defo. Thank you." Vince stood on his tiptoes to kiss Howard.

"Good night, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Good." Howard said slightly relieved.

"Brilliant." Vince grinned.

"See you tomorrow."

Vince rang the doorbell and winced as he didn't want to wake up Phillip and Violet. Violet didn't take long to reach the door.

"Had a nice time?" Asked Violet, she looked a little tired.

"Amazing night, sorry to wake you. Night Howard."

"Night Vince.

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**Please review :) x**


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